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Old 02-04-2013, 08:15 AM   #301
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Seriously the only people I see getting all judgy and offensive are the formula feeders.
Not entirely true. There was the rude pop tart comment, stating that ff infants don't thrive. And that by not at least trying to bf, you are being selfish. If that's not judgy, I don't know what is.......... And I'm one that did not bf my first 2 by choice, and now wish that yes I would have at least tried. There wasn't a whole lot of education on it back then though, and in fact almost every one I knew FF. Later the decision to bf was taken away from me, so that ship has sailed, never to return. One thing I can say for sure is that honestly, all 4 of my kiddos are incredibly healthy, smart, and have never failed to thrive, so clearly they turned out just fine.

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Old 02-04-2013, 08:31 AM   #302
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

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Originally Posted by kattayanna_mom View Post
Seriously the only people I see getting all judgy and offensive are the formula feeders, the OP asked a simple question that has been asked hundreds of times before in many parenting forums. Had she started her OP with "I can't believe women don't breastfeed how terrible of them those poor babies"I could see and understand the outrage.
If you chose to FF from the start own it stop letting what others say about breastfeeding make you feel guilty.
The entire premise of the thread is judgy towards formula feeders.

I exclusively breast fed but I can definitely see why people are offended.
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Old 02-04-2013, 09:01 AM   #303
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

I just don't see what's so offensive about asking why people chose not to BF?
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Old 02-04-2013, 09:05 AM   #304
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

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But do people really feel guilty because of threads on the internet? I do many things as a parent that are absolutely vilified on DS and other natural parenting forums. It never occured to me that I should feel guilty because of opinions of parents on the internet about what I do for my kids, because I do what I think is best for my kids, despite internet "wisdom".
Not I.
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Old 02-04-2013, 09:07 AM   #305
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

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I just don't see what's so offensive about asking why people chose not to BF?
Because the implication is that you were avoiding something as opposed to making a choice for something.

There's the implied failure for those who did try and it wasn't right/didn't work for them.

Then there's the whole "I just don't understand it" as though a reasonable person just can't imagine a reason someone would choose differently because the choice is so obvious.
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Old 02-04-2013, 09:18 AM   #306
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

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Originally Posted by kattayanna_mom View Post
Seriously the only people I see getting all judgy and offensive are the formula feeders, the OP asked a simple question that has been asked hundreds of times before in many parenting forums. Had she started her OP with "I can't believe women don't breastfeed how terrible of them those poor babies"I could see and understand the outrage.
If you chose to FF from the start own it stop letting what others say about breastfeeding make you feel guilty.
There is judgement from both sides. The same statement could be made in reverse about BFing, or really about any parenting decision. It's pretty easy to become sensitive when you feel your parenting is being attacked. I think the problem is people assume. We all walk different paths and have different reasons. I don't think anyone should have to defend their parenting choices (barring crazy things like actual abuse).
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Old 02-04-2013, 09:21 AM   #307
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

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Because the implication is that you were avoiding something as opposed to making a choice for something.

There's the implied failure for those who did try and it wasn't right/didn't work for them.

Then there's the whole "I just don't understand it" as though a reasonable person just can't imagine a reason someone would choose differently because the choice is so obvious.
I don't think the OP was trying to imply anything. I think she was genuinely curious and ended up rather harshly attacked and judged. I do think if you haven't been there, done that then it can be hard to understand, hence the question. And I think that goes both ways...it can be hard for formula feeders to understand breastfeeding and it can be hard for breastfeeders to understand FF. Disposables users have a hard time understanding why you'd use cloth and cloth advocates have a hard time understanding why people use disposables. Asking their reasoning isn't judging or implying anything.
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Old 02-04-2013, 09:32 AM   #308
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

There is a lack of support both on the family and societal level for too many women. Maybe they are in the middle of a struggle with breastfeeding or PPD. Not everyone has the strength within her to say "who cares what anyone thinks." I was once there. I would come to this forum, crying and distressed, looking for answers and support. I get tired of hearing the callous remarks with the excuse that "it's a public health issue" or "the poor babies." It would be really nice to have a separate forum for debates and advocating because I think that's important. But in the meantime, it would be really nice if everyone thought about the human beings behind the screens who just want reassurance that although they are struggling, they are still good moms.
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Old 02-04-2013, 09:35 AM   #309
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

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Originally Posted by jen_batten View Post
I don't think the OP was trying to imply anything. I think she was genuinely curious and ended up rather harshly attacked and judged. I do think if you haven't been there, done that then it can be hard to understand, hence the question. And I think that goes both ways...it can be hard for formula feeders to understand breastfeeding and it can be hard for breastfeeders to understand FF. Disposables users have a hard time understanding why you'd use cloth and cloth advocates have a hard time understanding why people use disposables. Asking their reasoning isn't judging or implying anything.
I am quoting you only because you were the last one, but it's the tone of the OP and subsequent responses that make it feel judgy. Words are important. If I flipped this to homeschooling or not vaccinating and said "I just cannot understand how any reasonable or intelligent person would deprive their child of the diversity of the public school system or purposely put them in harm's way by not vaccinating. Most people are not qualified to teach and are offering sub-par education and most people who don't vaccinate REALLY don't have any medical reason not to, they are just being selfish. Why would anyone do that??" I wouldn't really be asking a legitimate question. I would be loading that question.

Plenty of words have been thrown around here - uneducated, selfish, garbage, sub-par, etc.

I am just putting that out there for comparison's sake. If you BF and genuinely don't think this thread is judgy, does that help you understand? Would you be offended by the HS and no-vax comments? I am just trying to re-frame it.
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Old 02-04-2013, 09:36 AM   #310
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Originally Posted by GreenDahlia
There is a lack of support both on the family and societal level for too many women. Maybe they are in the middle of a struggle with breastfeeding or PPD. Not everyone has the strength within her to say "who cares what anyone thinks." I was once there. I would come to this forum, crying and distressed, looking for answers and support. I get tired of hearing the callous remarks with the excuse that "it's a public health issue" or "the poor babies." It would be really nice to have a separate forum for debates and advocating because I think that's important. But in the meantime, it would be really nice if everyone thought about the human beings behind the screens who just want reassurance that although they are struggling, they are still good moms.
Thumbs up!!

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