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Old 02-07-2013, 04:30 PM   #411
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

I'm sorry. That's sad. It sounds like you are doing a good job of meeting your kids needforphysical affection even if its hard for you. All I meant was that touch is such a basic thing for babies and kids to be well adjusted. My mom was pretty cold and it definitely had a negative effect on me throughout my life so that's why I view it as so important. Maybe I'm overcompensating with my own children so that they don't experience the same issues that I have. I don't like my kids to climb on me either so that's not really related.

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Old 02-07-2013, 04:47 PM   #412
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I'm sorry. That's sad. It sounds like you are doing a good job of meeting your kids needforphysical affection even if its hard for you. All I meant was that touch is such a basic thing for babies and kids to be well adjusted. My mom was pretty cold and it definitely had a negative effect on me throughout my life so that's why I view it as so important. Maybe I'm overcompensating with my own children so that they don't experience the same issues that I have. I don't like my kids to climb on me either so that's not really related.
ty .
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Old 02-07-2013, 05:07 PM   #413
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

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That is exactly what you said. You felt you should voice who you believe should and shouldn't have children based on if they liked to be touched. You must not have ever read my story on here. I don't feel I need to post it again but I'm a mom who has attachment and touch issues due to a horrendous start at life. Talk about someone who shouldn't have kids. Anyway. I am the mom you are supposedly talking about. I will be sure to tell my five kids who absolutely know they are loved that they should have never been born.
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And yes I force myself to kiss my kids, hug them all the time. Touch them and even breast feed some of them. They climb on me as much as I can stand it. I love my children dearly.I do everything I can to not let them see but my older kids know.they understand it's not them.they understand what I went through and they know I love them to pieces. Being a good mom doesn't equal being a jungle gym. Or breast feeding. It, means loving them unconditionally. Doing the very best you can for your family.
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Old 02-08-2013, 04:39 AM   #414
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

At the end of the day the fact the baby is being fed is the most important. However, I wish that hospitals and doctors provided more support for breastfeeding women. The failure rate is so high within the first few months. I think that women who chose to try would be more likely to continue and succeed if there was a better support network (readily) available. A lot of pedi offices now have lactation specialiasts on staff- wouldn't it be great if all did!
(I know some Moms have sought out support to extremes. I also have a mom friend who quit when her child got thrush.)
(I am actually pretty extreme on my breastfeeding views, but I save that opinion for my husband. )
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Old 02-08-2013, 05:37 AM   #415
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At the end of the day the fact the baby is being fed is the most important. However, I wish that hospitals and doctors provided more support for breastfeeding women. The failure rate is so high within the first few months. I think that women who chose to try would be more likely to continue and succeed if there was a better support network (readily) available. A lot of pedi offices now have lactation specialiasts on staff- wouldn't it be great if all did!
(I know some Moms have sought out support to extremes. I also have a mom friend who quit when her child got thrush.)
(I am actually pretty extreme on my breastfeeding views, but I save that opinion for my husband. )
Our hospital is almost nauseating with help. A lactation specialist sees you within two hours of birth and you can't leave end without seeing her again. The nurses bug the hell out of you making sure you are latched properly and constantly telling you the baby should be nursing if your not. I finally told them to leave me the, heck alone. They were not helping me. both of my younger dds latched fine and nursed nonstop.

Anyway it seems in the last five years our hospitals here have become completely reversed. They don't have formula in the rooms. my friend had to ask for formula every feeding and they made her cry because she refused to breastfeed . She had breast reduction surgery and it was extremely painful

I, think in the next couple years all hospitals will become more like this with the new 6 mo ebf recommendation.
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Old 02-08-2013, 05:44 AM   #416
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Our hospital is almost nauseating with help. A lactation specialist sees you within two hours of birth and you can't leave end without seeing her again. The nurses bug the hell out of you making sure you are latched properly and constantly telling you the baby should be nursing if your not. I finally told them to leave me the, heck alone. They were not helping me. both of my younger dds latched fine and nursed nonstop.

Anyway it seems in the last five years our hospitals here have become completely reversed. They don't have formula in the rooms. my friend had to ask for formula every feeding and they made her cry because she refused to breastfeed . She had breast reduction surgery and it was extremely painful

I, think in the next couple years all hospitals will become more like this with the new 6 mo ebf recommendation.
Drs office is very similar. I now omlet nurse one to two times a day. She gets two more bottles of bm freon my stash and then the rest formula. Every time I go they ask if us want help to nurse mitre often., I just smile and say how happy I am I was able to ebf until 6 mo
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Old 02-08-2013, 09:06 AM   #417
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

Eh, I don't really care how or when people decide to feed their kids. I've breastfed all of mine but only decided to start with DD#1 because it was free. It was pure hell the first 6 weeks. HELL. I hated it. I would sit under her with bleeding burning nipples for hours on end because I had no idea what I was doing. We got through and it ended up being good and sweet and all that but so were the bottles she got from dh. DS#1 came and it was a breeze. So easy, super quick nurser and right back to sleep, it was bliss. So were the occasional bottles he got from DH. DD2 came along and promptly went on a nursing strike at 7 days old. We had to syringe feed/pump for 3 days before she went back to the breast and it was fine, just like her occasional bottles. DS2 went on a nursing strike as well (WT??) so more pumping/syringe feeding. He didn't take bottles or sippy cups and won't drink milk so we are still nursing often at almost 25 months and you know what I want him done, I'm done.

It can be easy if you have support, know what you're doing or have an easy child and it IS great then. But when it's bad and you don't have those things it's hellish and lonely, and sad. Sure the bond is great with breast feeding, it's great with bottle feeding too. DH managed managed to bond with the babes as well and he sure as heck never nursed. Ultimately, you don't have to understand why people decide to breastfeed or not. It's not your child, your family, or your choice.
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Old 02-08-2013, 01:14 PM   #418
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

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Ultimately, you don't have to understand why people decide to breastfeed or not. It's not your child, your family, or your choice.
While this is technically true, it's a quite uncurious position and if applied consistently throughout life would make us all a bunch of people who can't exercise true empathy or understanding of one another. I do strive in life, not just in ubercontroversial subjects, to understand the perspectives and motives of others and don't think it's a judgmental thing to try to do. In fact it can be (and was the case when I wrote the op) quite the opposite.
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Old 02-08-2013, 01:29 PM   #419
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

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While this is technically true, it's a quite uncurious position and if applied consistently throughout life would make us all a bunch of people who can't exercise true empathy or understanding of one another. I do strive in life, not just in ubercontroversial subjects, to understand the perspectives and motives of others and don't think it's a judgmental thing to try to do. In fact it can be (and was the case when I wrote the op) quite the opposite.
I guess this could be true. But you don't exercise true empathy or understanding when you say: "I just don't understand how someone can choose not to breastfeed. It makes me sad." How is that empathic to the mother? And whether intentional or not it does come off judgy due to the assigned feeling attached. If you truly want to understand something take your personal feelings out of it as much as possible.
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Old 02-08-2013, 01:36 PM   #420
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

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I guess this could be true. But you don't exercise true empathy or understanding when you say: "I just don't understand how someone can choose not to breastfeed. It makes me sad." How is that empathic to the mother? And whether intentional or not it does come off judgy due to the assigned feeling attached. If you truly want to understand something take your personal feelings out of it as much as possible.
That's a fine thing to say, assuming we all communicate perfectly 100% of the time. But we're all works in progress. Again, as I said in a pervious post, I have learned a lot from this thread. But I wasn't perfect when I started it,and oddly enough I'm still not perfect. I'll try to keep learning and improving on how to avoid offending others but sometimes you also just are curious about something, and happen to be typing on your phone so your word choice comes out quicker/less careful crafting of words/etc, and you (or I, in this case) go on and ask the question out of true curiosity. Lack of perfection in the execution of the asking does not indicate a lack of genuine curiosity and desire to understand.
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