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Old 01-31-2013, 11:47 AM   #81
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

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Originally Posted by jam's mum View Post
Yes.

OP, the lack of imagination you extend to formula feeding parents ("I just can't understand it!") is where the implicit judgement comes in. As if the behaviour is so unreasonable that a reasonable person couldn't possibly fathom it.
Exactly. That, and when you talk about how you are sad for the kid. As if they have somehow been wronged or something.

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Old 01-31-2013, 11:48 AM   #82
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I don't understand why some women don't even try, but honestly, I don't need to. Every family needs to do what works best for them, and who am I to judge their choices?

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Old 01-31-2013, 11:50 AM   #83
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

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I don't understand why some women don't even try, but honestly, I don't need to. Every family needs to do what works best for them, and who am I to judge their choices?

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Old 01-31-2013, 01:04 PM   #84
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

It never ceases to amaze me how many times these types of threads come up. Why can't we work to be positive, encouraging, and supportive to our fellow mothers?

OP, I was one of the women that went into a terrible depression due, in part, to being unable to breastfeed my first baby. It is no one else's business how a child is fed, as long as his or her nutritional needs are met. Why not throw your energy into something more productive, like volunteering for LLL or responding to breastfeeding mothers' questions in that forum?
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Old 01-31-2013, 01:29 PM   #85
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I don't understand why or how someone would decide NOT to breast feed (even while pregnant, I mean). It makes me sad. It seems like so many women are giving up early or just never starting to begin with. Nursing has been such and important and wonderful part of having and caring for our five children, and I'm looking forward to breast feeding my new little guy, due in 19 days.

Do you have friends or relatives who have decided in advance NOT to breašfeed? What were their reasons? I do know that some women who have had breast alterations sometimes can't nurse but aside from a true physical inability, why wouldn't a gal at least try it and see?
But it's none of your business, so why do you care? Someone's reasons to breastfeed or not is a personal choice and they shouldn't be judged for it.
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Old 01-31-2013, 01:31 PM   #86
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Re: Deciding not to breast feed in advancei

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In everyone I've known, it's because they simply don't want to. It's really not any more dramatic than that. They know that breastfeeding is better, but they also recognize that an infant born in America who is given quality formula made with clean water is going to be perfectly fine and will be indistinguishable from their peers.

My mom thrived on formula. I thrived on formula. I'm determined to breastfeed each kid for 2 years and will go to great lengths to make it happen, but if it doesn't, I'm not going to sacrifice my mental and physical health for it. I also could not care less how other people choose to feed their kids. It'd be great if everyone wanted to breast feed and had those support systems and it was so easy and great for everyone, but that's not the reality we live in. I may silently judge a little for many things (circ, not vaccinating, childhood obesity, bullying, etc), but how they feed their child doesn't even register with me.
I agree with this. I did breastfeed all 3 of mine and will try for any child I have. I used to be more bothered when I heard people didn't try but now I'm pretty meh about it. I wish there was more support for people who do breastfeed to be able to do so anywhere without judgement. I wish it was more common to see NIP but aside from that I don't care how people chose to feed their babies. It is judgmental to judge people for not trying to breastfeed. It is one small aspect of parenting in the grand scheme of things and it shouldn't be this dividing thing. Moms shouldn't beat each other up over things like that. Parenting can be hard in an isolated culture. There is no need to divide ourselves over how we feed our young.

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Old 01-31-2013, 01:36 PM   #87
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You can't understand because you've not been there. Some people may be able to, but I think I it's a hard thing to do.

As long as they are actually feeding the baby and not starving them why does it matter?
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Old 01-31-2013, 01:41 PM   #88
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I don't understand why or how someone would decide NOT to breast feed (even while pregnant, I mean). It makes me sad. It seems like so many women are giving up early or just never starting to begin with. Nursing has been such and important and wonderful part of having and caring for our five children, and I'm looking forward to breast feeding my new little guy, due in 19 days.

Do you have friends or relatives who have decided in advance NOT to breašfeed? What were their reasons? I do know that some women who have had breast alterations sometimes can't nurse but aside from a true physical inability, why wouldn't a gal at least try it and see?
Me neither. It makes me sad, it makes me sick and I refuse to be friends with anyone like that.
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Old 01-31-2013, 01:53 PM   #89
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If we have another I wont be attemping to bf. Why? Because its a pain in the *** and I refuse to allow it to effect me so much mentally and emotional any more. Dont feel sad/bad for my kids-all 3 got a bit of bm but mostly formula. They are all happy thriving very bright children. Dont feel sorry/sad for any future child/ren of mine for they too will be happy and thrive. And anyone who wouldnt be my friend b/c I wont sacrifice my mental health for breastmilk.....I wouldnt be friends with someone so judgemental anyhow so thats just fine with me.
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Old 01-31-2013, 02:04 PM   #90
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How does the way a parent chooses to feed their newborn give you carte blanch to judge? Does it affect you personally?

I've nursed my two older children. One weaned at just shy of 2 and the other at 20 months. I've either been pregnant or breastfeeding for 5.5 years. This baby may not be breastfed. Or she may get a mix of formula and breast milk. My reasons aren't for general knowledge and I'm betting that the people you know aren't putting it out there for you either.

If you're friends or family with somebody who has chosen to formula feed for whatever reason just keep your opinion to yourself. They don't need snark, judgement, or somebody telling them they're are parenting incorrectly. They need the same support any new parent needs.

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