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Old 02-07-2013, 10:53 AM   #1
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How do I politely decline a family's childcare offer?

I am headed back to work in just under 6 weeks and DH and I decided to hire a part-time nanny to watch the kids an average of two days (about 20 hrs) a week. I work part-time 12 hr night shifts, so I'll need someone to watch the girls in our home while I sleep. My sister and I were talking about daycare/childcare and she asked me what we were going to do, so I told her and that we would pay about $220/week. This morning she asked me if her husband could be our "nanny" so he can earn money and they wouldn't have to pay for daycare. Their in-home daycare closed unexpectedly and they're having trouble finding affordable daycare. They found one place but its in the next suburb and the daycare won't be able to take their daughter to preschool in the fall. I don't want him to do our child care for a number of reasons:

1. When their daughter (who is the same age as older DD) was a baby he was unemployed and stayed home with her while my sister worked and went to school full time. Their daughter was in the swing constantly because "its the only way she's happy". They actually burned out the motor on a brand new swing! When she was a little older she sat in the jumperoo for hours on end. She was in it so much that when she was out of the jumperoo, her shoulders actually arched backward like the did when she was in it (because of the location of the toys). He played video games while she sat there. My sister caught wind of this and got rid of the jumperoo and it took a few months before her muscles/shoulders actually went back to a "normal" position.

2. He has a pretty crappy job history. He has a job right now and he's had it for almost a year. The longest he's held a job in the 5 yrs they've been together. He always finds one reason or another to quit his jobs and then can't find another job for months and months. I don't want to give him an excuse to quit his job.

3. They want us to pay him the same as we'd pay someone who was not bringing their own kid along. Yet they asked us to watch their daughter full time for free until they can find a new daycare while I'm on maternity leave.

I love my sister and her husband, but I don't trust him to watch my girls, especially the baby. How do I tell her/them that we want to go with someone else and not ruin our relationship? I'm not the most tactful person so I would love some advice on this!

Edited to add: They both have jobs that pay $10-11/hr and both work full time (although he typically calls in sick once a week or so).

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Old 02-07-2013, 10:57 AM   #2
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Re: How do I politely decline a family's childcare offer?

I would just tell her that you are grateful for his offer, but right now, you'd rather have kiddo closer to work so that you can go nurse at lunch.
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Old 02-07-2013, 11:00 AM   #3
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Re: How do I politely decline a family's childcare offer?

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I would just tell her that you are grateful for his offer, but right now, you'd rather have kiddo closer to work so that you can go nurse at lunch.
I work nights, so the childcare would be upstairs in my home while I'm sleeping in a basement bedroom...
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Old 02-07-2013, 11:02 AM   #4
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Re: How do I politely decline a family's childcare offer?

Tell her that you are so appreciative of her offer and have given it a lot of thought, but think it is not the best idea to mix business and famiy by hiring a family member as your nanny. Say that others you have talked to have warned that it can put a strain on the family relationships if any isses were to arise with the care of the children, and you love her and her husband so much that you don't want to risk that happening. Reiterate how it was so so nice of her husband to be willing to do it.

And $220 a week for 20 hours seems like a lot! But I don't really know the going rate for a nanny.
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Old 02-07-2013, 11:03 AM   #5
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Re: How do I politely decline a family's childcare offer?

I would just say that you appreciate the offer, but you are not comfortable mixing business and family.
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Old 02-07-2013, 11:05 AM   #6
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Re: How do I politely decline a family's childcare offer?

I would just say you need to hire a nanny that will be in it long term and is flexible. You would feel so guilty if his caring for your child cost him his job.
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Old 02-07-2013, 11:06 AM   #7
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I would just say that you appreciate the offer, but you are not comfortable mixing business and family.
This.
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Old 02-07-2013, 11:07 AM   #8
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Re: How do I politely decline a family's childcare offer?

I would tell her you already hired your nanny and cannot change the plans this far into the game.
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Old 02-07-2013, 11:11 AM   #9
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Re: How do I politely decline a family's childcare offer?

That is a lot for a nanny. I do home daycare and charge $32 a day for 10 hours.
But I wouldn't want him watching my kid either. Just say that you prefer the nanny because he might find a job and then you'd have to find childcare again. Or say the nanny is also going to clean your house (even if she's not) so it works better for you
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Old 02-07-2013, 11:28 AM   #10
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Re: How do I politely decline a family's childcare offer?

I agree with PPs: not mixing business and family, you've already made the arrangement. You might also add you're sorry they're having a rough time and hope it gets better soon.
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