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Old 02-07-2013, 11:51 AM   #11
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Re: How do I politely decline a family's childcare offer?

Thanks for the advice! I like that approach - and its the truth! Childcare in the state of Minnesota is outrageous! I've had similar comments before when I posted about dd's former daycare. We were paying $160/wk for her... I talked to a few nurses I work with and that is about what they pay their nannies/caregivers. Sittercity "suggested" $9-12/hr for 2 kids... What wouls a good rate be?

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Old 02-07-2013, 11:54 AM   #12
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How about your sleeping and want to limit the noise and another kid would be to much?

Or maybe come clean on why but offer your sister a nanny share if that's an option your okay with.
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Old 02-07-2013, 11:56 AM   #13
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Re: How do I politely decline a family's childcare offer?

Sorry! I missed the "while I sleep" part when I read the original. That does make it harder. Good luck!

My mom watches my kids and has stepped all over boundaries, so I'm going to have to confront her when I get home. I think you will appreciate not having family watch kiddo.
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Old 02-07-2013, 12:01 PM   #14
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Re: How do I politely decline a family's childcare offer?

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Originally Posted by mistylynn313 View Post
Thanks for the advice! I like that approach - and its the truth! Childcare in the state of Minnesota is outrageous! I've had similar comments before when I posted about dd's former daycare. We were paying $160/wk for her... I talked to a few nurses I work with and that is about what they pay their nannies/caregivers. Sittercity "suggested" $9-12/hr for 2 kids... What wouls a good rate be?
Going rates vary widely by location, so you're probably better off asking friends or posting on local message boards. Around here, paying $11 an hour would be considered unbelievably cheap. Going rate is more like $15-$20/hr.
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Old 02-07-2013, 12:04 PM   #15
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Re: How do I politely decline a family's childcare offer?

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I would tell her you already hired your nanny and cannot change the plans this far into the game.
This.

Tell your sister you need to think about it.

Then sit for 5 minutes and think about it,

Then call the nanny do whatever you have to do to hire her. Fill out the paperwork, etc.

Then call your sister and say, "Ya know sis, Thanks SO MUCH for offering to let your DH watch my kids. It means so much to me! But I already did the paperwork and hired the Nanny and at this point I have a contract with her. Plus, I think it will work out better for us both to not mix business and family... that can sometimes be disastrous, ya know? But, man, oh man, you guys are just so great for even offering. I love you guys so much! It means a whole lot to me that you would even offer that! ... Our new nanny starts next week. I like her so much.... BLAH BLAH BLAH"

Just don't even give her a chance to say "WHAT?! WHY!?" etc. Just keep talking and stay upbeat and quickly change the subject to something else she can comment on. Keep the convo flowing, and it will just go right on by.

If she brings it up later, just stay positive, and repeat how THANKFUL you are that she is such a nice person to even think of you, gosh you are just so grateful to have such an awesome sister, but it just would not have been for the best.... and again, change the subject.
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Old 02-07-2013, 12:45 PM   #16
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Re: How do I politely decline a family's childcare offer?

so did you end up watching their child while you were on maternity leave?

I guess I might be harsher than most but I would be honest.

" I appreciate you offering but I have some concerns about it and I dont think it would work out" if she pushed for a reason I would say that you need someone long term and you dont want to put the kids thru another transition when he finds another job, you dont want another child brought into the home and further divide attention when you are paying good money for that attention, and you dont trust him to be the type of provider you want. you need someone that is hands on, experienced, proactive and ready to do a lot more than play video games and restrain the kids in equipment all day. i would just straight out say it. but thats me.
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Old 02-07-2013, 01:09 PM   #17
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Re: How do I politely decline a family's childcare offer?

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so did you end up watching their child while you were on maternity leave?

I guess I might be harsher than most but I would be honest.

" I appreciate you offering but I have some concerns about it and I dont think it would work out" if she pushed for a reason I would say that you need someone long term and you dont want to put the kids thru another transition when he finds another job, you dont want another child brought into the home and further divide attention when you are paying good money for that attention, and you dont trust him to be the type of provider you want. you need someone that is hands on, experienced, proactive and ready to do a lot more than play video games and restrain the kids in equipment all day. i would just straight out say it. but thats me.
Her daycare just closed last friday with no warning. I told her I would watch her DD in a pinch but not all week long. She went to our other sister and convinced her to do... I wish I could be brutally honest with her, but I would ruin our relationship. I used to be that way with her about her husband and we didn't speak for a few years. Now our DDs are little BFFs. I just don't want to risk ruining things...

I like your comment about divided attention. Especially considering the baby. I'll also tell her how picky I am being for the nanny that we do hire. I don't want an 18 yr old who says they have 10 yrs childcare experience because they had a little brother... I want actual childcare experience!
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Old 02-07-2013, 01:27 PM   #18
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Re: How do I politely decline a family's childcare offer?

I would just be honest with her.
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Old 02-07-2013, 02:32 PM   #19
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I'd tell her that 1. You don't think mixing family and business is wise and could end up hurting your relationship, and 2. You are looking for specific things in a nanny that her dh doesn't really meet.

Id also want to preserve the relationship, but I'd have a hard time not mentioning in some way that he's not what you're looking for.
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Old 02-07-2013, 07:15 PM   #20
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Re: How do I politely decline a family's childcare offer?

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Originally Posted by mistylynn313 View Post
Thanks for the advice! I like that approach - and its the truth! Childcare in the state of Minnesota is outrageous! I've had similar comments before when I posted about dd's former daycare. We were paying $160/wk for her... I talked to a few nurses I work with and that is about what they pay their nannies/caregivers. Sittercity "suggested" $9-12/hr for 2 kids... What wouls a good rate be?
Rates vary so much by region. It's also going to vary based on # of kids, duties, flexibility in the schedule, nanny experience, perks provided (phone/car/healthinsurance/sickdays/vacationdays), whether it's over the table or under etc... I've been a nanny for a long time. Around here the going rate for a nanny is $12-$16 /hr. For a sitter it's more like $8-$12. And a daycare would be around $125 a day. For what you're doing, I would expect it to be right around $12 /hr. Start at $11, and in 6 months or so you could do a performance review and offer a raise if you feel it's appropriate.
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