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Old 05-08-2013, 09:26 AM   #1
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I know a lot of kids are difficult, but my daughter is naughty and obstinate a lot of the time. She's only 3, but she hits and scratches me and seems to almost constantly act out. Even when she's well rested, fed and given plenty of attention, she's still difficult whether we're at home, at a class, at a store, etc. Honestly, will I not be able to homeschool her? Will the fact that I can't control her (and I absolutely refuse to hit her) and we but heads mean that she won't listen to the instruction from me in a couple of years? I am impressed with how I've been able to keep my cool, but if I can't control her and get stressed by her behavior does that mean that we are most likely to fail? BTW, she goes to daycare part time and can be difficult occasionally but is relatively well behaved for them. Oh yeah, she doesn't listen to me sometimes. It's like I'm talking to a wall.

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Old 05-08-2013, 10:02 AM   #2
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I have a son that is difficult. He has a good heart but really lacks impulse control. When he was 2 someone recommended the book: The Connected Child. I think we'd be in a different place if I hadn't read that. He's still challenging but things got better very quickly when we started using some of the tips. It's actually meant for children that were adopted but I find it very useful for all children. Role play works very well for him. We practice situations before they happen, a lot! He has good and bad days but when I come at things from a teaching standpoint he does better than from a discipline standpoint. I try to teach when he's not behaving badly so there isn't any fear of consequence associated with it.
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Old 05-08-2013, 11:56 AM   #3
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Re: Difficult child

Both of my boys have extra needs. I try not to think of them in terms of difficult, they do not want to be this way and they cannot help themselves, but despite their behavior being mostly beyond their control it isn't any easier to deal with on a day to day basis. My oldest is easiest for me because I understand him best and can read his cues for when he is "going down". If I back off fast enough we can avoid complete melt down. My youngest is easier for other people. I often feel like he likes other people more than me (especially his derby team, he spends all week talking about seeing several of them and never acts up for them). He has this charisma thing going and wants to impress them. But part of it is also that they ask much less of him than I do. I know he misbehaves just as much for my mother as he does for me.

For my boys what has helped was getting them evaluated and treated properly. I'm in no way saying this is what your child needs, just what helped them. Both of my boys do have special needs and it was obvious for both of them. My oldest is ASD plus a whole list of other diagnoses, youngest is bipolar and maybe ADHD/ODD, bipolar runs in my family. We are a love and logic family and having a discipline plan in place that everyone understands does help. Dh and I are on the same page, the kids know what to expect from both of us. Our dogs are very helpful. When the boys are acting up and need to calm down they have dog time. My youngest has a dog and my oldest has a dog. They will work much harder to impress their dogs and sometimes school work revolves around the dogs. We work physical activity into our school day, especially for my youngest who is a ball of energy. There is a park across the street, a swing set and jungle gym in the back yard and a mini trampoline in the playroom as well as two exercise balls (my oldest has to sit on one to do his school work for some of his gross motor delays). Whenever some one gets fidgety, fussy or loses focus I say, "why don't you go bounce" or "why don't you take the dog out back". We try to do a lot of nature exploring and gardening ect. Does that mean my kids are excellent for me and never refuse to work? No! I have posted here when my kids were pushing me to the limit and I was trying to figure out if they would be better off in a school (in my youngest's case he would need to be in a therapeutic school setting) but we always come back to changing the curriculum and sticking with it.
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Old 05-08-2013, 12:45 PM   #4
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Re: Difficult child

I have a child exactly like you describe. PP said it well when she said he has a good heart but lacks impulse control. He just turned 3 a month ago yesterday. He is more difficult than my other 5 combined. He is into everything constantly...and I mean constantly. I can get very little done with him in the house. It's a daily struggle and I do lose my cool.

That said, I have every intention of HS'ing him. He is one of 6. 3 of those are all over 3 and his twin brother is 3...obviously...LOL. One of my 5 year old twins was pretty difficult and still is...although, not as challenging as this child. Point is I've learned that he will grow up. He will probably continue to be a challenge, but it is going to change. He won't be grabbing knives to cut the bad spots out of his bananas at three. He won't grab anything I leave on the counter and eat it...no matter what it is...and he won't go in digging in the trash for old food or any other goodies he can find. (and he won't throw dirty kitty litter all over my basement. ) He is going to grow out of this difficult phase. He is going to learn to obey better. I suspect he will be a challenge, but he will change and when school time comes for him, he will be less into everything. It won't be like trying to teach him as he is now...hopefully I'm making sense.

Until you started this thread, I hadn't even thought about HS'ing being an issue. We HS. It's what we do and he will be included in that. Maybe he will be a challenge...I actually don't think he will be though. I find that he really needs something to focus his attention on. At 3, the problem is his attention span is short and he wants to do things that are above his ability (or safety) level. I think it will be good for him to put his energy into formal learning and I really think his behavior will get better because of it. I'm looking forward to it actually...he is the only child I have ever said I can't wait till he is about 5. But, he is so sweet and loving and creative. He is an awesome little person who I think will have no trouble taking initiative, trying new things and getting things done. I can't wait to see the man he becomes and I'm truly looking forward to giving him the eduction to be able to do anything he wants with his life.
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Old 05-08-2013, 12:52 PM   #5
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Re: Difficult child

Regardless of whether you decide to homeschool or not, you need to find a way to communicate with your daughter that works for you. Children are not all the same and what works for one child will not necessarily work for another (not that I'm suggesting physical punishment). I definitely suggest you read some books on parenting "high needs" or "challenging" children. For over all basic, gentle parenting, I like "Parenting for Peaceful World" by Robin Grille. It covers the history of parenting and then begins talking about ways to gently and peacefully parent your child.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS.../chrisficti-20
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Old 05-08-2013, 12:52 PM   #6
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Re: Difficult child

Believe it or not, my response sat for so long, while I tended to the kids, that Shannon posted and I hadn't read it.

For mine, I really don't see any signs of their being anything else going on except that he is a busy little boy who think he is an adult.
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