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Old 02-08-2013, 09:49 AM   #11
ifyousaygo
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Re: preparing "long term" for the new economy we live in ?

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Originally Posted by ulawolf View Post
I guess we try to go back to the way my grand parents lived. We teach all of our kids from a young, age to do for themselves. They all learn to sew, cook from scratch, change oil, basic handy man fixes. They learn about financial independence from an early age. They learn debt is saved for a house not credit cards. We teach then to save fire wyatt they want instead of buying on credit. We make then save half their bday and any earned $ from baby hood (we save for them).

I feel this is something that I can give my kids. I think economy is such that financial awareness and tools for that are becoming top priority.
TOTALLY agree with this! I definitely think we need to get back to learning the basics, like how to grow our own food and fix things that break.
I'm also teaching my kids to avoid debt at all cost and work and save for what they want. I think that's a valuable lesson that will help them a ton when they're adults, and they will pass it on to their kids. I WISH my parents had taught me that!
I don't think you should feel pressured to pass something financially valuable on to them. Other things you can give them are far more valuable in the long run.

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Old 02-08-2013, 11:16 AM   #12
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Re: preparing "long term" for the new economy we live in ?

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The best thing my parents did for me (who are still alive and live in the suburbs, so no inheritance and no land) is pay for college. They borrowed most of the money in the form of parent loans (or they paid my student loans). This allowed me to graduate without debt and not start off my adult life already "indebted".
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DH and I have been talking about this lately. It might seem selfish, but I think the best thing that we can do for our kids is make sure that we (DH and I) are financially stable in the future. DH's parents haven't made the best decisions and have started hinting at us buying a place so they can come live with us (sorry, not gonna happen!). My parents are doing okay, but they could have done better if they had saved more during the good times.
These two things are probably the biggest for me. DH and I were talking recently -- his job situation has been very difficult the last several years, and our income has not been what we would have liked. But we have two huge things going for us -- 1. No student loans -- I went to an inexpensive school and my parents paid for all of it, DH went to the college his dad taught at so his parents were able to pay all of his reduced tuition amount. 2. Both of our sets of parents have lived very financially smart lives. We know that we will never need to financially support them as they get older.

I like to watch Suze Orman and I read several personal finance blogs. I see so many people who are trying to pay off massive student loans. And it amazes how many people ask how to help their elderly parents who have credit card debt, no retirement savings, etc. I don't think we will be able to 100% pay for my kids college (especially as expensive as I expect it to be 15 years from now), but we sure want to give them a head start. And we are going to do everything we can to make sure we take care of ourselves so they don't have to worry about it.
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Old 02-08-2013, 01:36 PM   #13
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Re: preparing "long term" for the new economy we live in ?

Ok perhaps I'm in the minority here, but both Dh and I's parents made us pay for some if not all of college. Dh worked full and part time while tutoring and got good grades (he went to a technical college and finished his degree in less than 18 months). My mom paid 1k per semester for us (sister, [bro was in college as well but his work put money towards it that he had earned, he had a year off between HS and college]) the rest was up to us. We had no spending money unless we earned it (and that included gas money to get home for the holidays). I did 2 years at a 4 year college before realizing that wasn't where I wanted to be. I paid my student loans 5k ish off in 3.5 years while working minimum wage and not living at home (I also during that time took a 5 week mission trip). Will we pay for our children's educations, not all of it. They need to realize the value of that education.

My parents lived cheap and still live cheap, with way more saved for retirement (my dad's body won't be able to keep it up until 65) than most and are self employed. Yet they live like they have just pennies. They still don't pay for all of my siblings education (1 ft in college [ROTC], 1 pt in college [building contractor license] and 1 to be in college in the fall).

I think the value to pass on is work ethic and how to manage your own money.
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Old 02-08-2013, 01:51 PM   #14
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Re: preparing "long term" for the new economy we live in ?

drakekgirl - I think you are right with having college age kids learn to take responsibility to pay for at least some of college/living......I just don't like the idea of being saddled with tons of debt when you leave.

We will pay for some of college. My college was basically free(europe) just some registration fee's and books, about $500 a year. My mother took care of that, but I had worked since I was about 15 to have my own spending money, so I think that was a huge part of learning to be responsible and the value of money. You just don't want to hand everything on a plate to your kids.....
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Old 02-08-2013, 02:30 PM   #15
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Re: preparing "long term" for the new economy we live in ?

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I think the value to pass on is work ethic and how to manage your own money.
I second this. I can't tell you how many times we've been told what hard workers our children (teens/adults)are. We've always drilled that hard work is the key to a successful future. And being independent, intelligent, compassionate, and giving adults is all we really want for our children. They will each find their own way in the world and we will be here to support them emotionally all the way (and to reach out a helping hand physically and financially when needed). As far as a legacy I think that is a far more enduring gift than a large trust fund.

And re: "inheritance" don't ever count on it even when told it will be there. You just never know how life will progress for the one whose currently offering it. We watched dh's Aunt go through more than 150k in the last 8 months of her life through medical bills and nursing home care. Had she lived a couple of years longer everything would have been gone. It can happen fast with end of life care being in the 10k per month and up category. If you reach retirement age and do have millions to pass along doing so at the maximum gift per year (14k per child per parent currently) is a much more surefire way to do that than counting on "leaving" it to them when you die.

As far as property for starting a home and family I would not set that up unless the children decide freely to return to their hometown to settle once they've finished with their education. Starting a career is just so wide open that limiting them to driving distance of the old homestead seems rather limiting AND while that may not be your intention some children will feel that way by knowing that the property was purchased "for them."

In the end, no matter what is put into place, physically or financially, we all find our own way in the world at our own speed. And was make one person feel happy and fulfilled may make another feel trapped and desperate (hence the wohm/sahm debate).
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Old 02-08-2013, 02:43 PM   #16
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Re: preparing "long term" for the new economy we live in ?

DH and I hope to teach our kids patience and perseverance in regards to things they want in life. Most everything worth having is worth waiting for, so if that means saving up money to make a purchase or shopping around to make the right purchase, then that's what we want for our kids.

I want to be able to help our kids with college, but we (as ast generation college goers) will give much better advise to our kids. Live at home, go to the cheaper college, if you want a trade, go to a trade school. I expect them to pay a large share of their college expenses, but hopefully they'll receive enough merit-based scholarships that debt will be minimal.
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Old 02-08-2013, 03:03 PM   #17
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Ok perhaps I'm in the minority here, but both Dh and I's parents made us pay for some if not all of college. Dh worked full and part time while tutoring and got good grades (he went to a technical college and finished his degree in less than 18 months). My mom paid 1k per semester for us (sister, [bro was in college as well but his work put money towards it that he had earned, he had a year off between HS and college]) the rest was up to us. We had no spending money unless we earned it (and that included gas money to get home for the holidays). I did 2 years at a 4 year college before realizing that wasn't where I wanted to be. I paid my student loans 5k ish off in 3.5 years while working minimum wage and not living at home (I also during that time took a 5 week mission trip). Will we pay for our children's educations, not all of it. They need to realize the value of that education.

My parents lived cheap and still live cheap, with way more saved for retirement (my dad's body won't be able to keep it up until 65) than most and are self employed. Yet they live like they have just pennies. They still don't pay for all of my siblings education (1 ft in college [ROTC], 1 pt in college [building contractor license] and 1 to be in college in the fall).

I think the value to pass on is work ethic and how to manage your own money.
We don't plan on paying for college and we have taught our kids how to go to college without much debt. My dd1 has her first year completely paid for through scholarships. Mostly private ones too. She has been doing essays and applying since summer. She has almost 10000 in the bank from saving her job money, bday $ , and working for ppl around the town doing house cleaning, babysitting, etc. her goal is to not touch that money until her student teaching.

we are very serious about teaching them financial management. We are constantly helping my inlaws with $. We feel making sure we are financially independent is better than paying for college.

We also garden, can, etc. I see so many drs, lawyers, etc who have no idea how to manage money let alone live inside their means. What good does a 60,000 a year education get someone if they don't know how to live below their income? I am, not saying college isn't important but that isn't what my family thinks is the most important. My parents retired at 55 with a million dollars in the bank. It was their goal . My dad was a police officer who made about 55000 a year my mom didn't work until my little sister went to school and she was a legal secretary for the state. She retired making 44000 . Neither had a college degree. my mom taught me how to make clothes better and cheaper than the store, how to feed a family on a tight budget, how to buy designer clothes on a beer budget. My dad taught me how to lay flooring, fix a leek, paint, mow lawns, change oil. Required me to work in a soup kitchen, a retirement home, and an animal shelter.
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Old 02-08-2013, 03:04 PM   #18
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Re: preparing "long term" for the new economy we live in ?

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Ok perhaps I'm in the minority here, but both Dh and I's parents made us pay for some if not all of college. Dh worked full and part time while tutoring and got good grades (he went to a technical college and finished his degree in less than 18 months). My mom paid 1k per semester for us (sister, [bro was in college as well but his work put money towards it that he had earned, he had a year off between HS and college]) the rest was up to us. We had no spending money unless we earned it (and that included gas money to get home for the holidays). I did 2 years at a 4 year college before realizing that wasn't where I wanted to be. I paid my student loans 5k ish off in 3.5 years while working minimum wage and not living at home (I also during that time took a 5 week mission trip). Will we pay for our children's educations, not all of it. They need to realize the value of that education.
I think the value to pass on is work ethic and how to manage your own money.
I really think it depends on the person. DH and I both received a complete college education from our parents, and we are both very good with money and definitely value our education. But not everyone is like that.

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As far as property for starting a home and family I would not set that up unless the children decide freely to return to their hometown to settle once they've finished with their education. Starting a career is just so wide open that limiting them to driving distance of the old homestead seems rather limiting AND while that may not be your intention some children will feel that way by knowing that the property was purchased "for them."
Totally agree with this. Obviously, it depends on the family dynamic, but having all or some of your children and their families living right in one little "compound" just seems odd to me. (Not knocking it for others, just giving my opinion!) And before doing that, I would make sure -- would your kids feel like they were being forced into living in your area when they would rather be elsewhere? Or if your kids chose to live somewhere else, would you feel like they were being ungrateful or have hurt feelings? If everyone wanted that to live together, then I think that could be a great option, but again my opinion, I could see that leading to issues later on.
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Old 02-08-2013, 03:13 PM   #19
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I really think it depends on the person. DH and I both received a complete college education from our parents, and we are both very good with money and definitely value our education. But not everyone is like that.

Totally agree with this. Obviously, it depends on the family dynamic, but having all or some of your children and their families living right in one little "compound" just seems odd to me. (Not knocking it for others, just giving my opinion!) And before doing that, I would make sure -- would your kids feel like they were being forced into living in your area when they would rather be elsewhere? Or if your kids chose to live somewhere else, would you feel like they were being ungrateful or have hurt feelings? If everyone wanted that to live together, then I think that could be a great option, but again my opinion, I could see that leading to issues later on.
I live within five miles of most of my family and dhs. it is awesome and horrible all at once.
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Old 02-08-2013, 03:21 PM   #20
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Oh and we sucked at money in my first marriage. My xdh hated saving. I now save 2/3 of our income. I was diligent in saving the kids money and lucky that dh is more frugal than scrooge.
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