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Old 08-06-2013, 09:36 PM   #1
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afraid to be a single mom

I haven't posted in a while because i feel looked down upon by some people here.
I have posted before thay SO and i have issues. He was smoking weed a lot while i was pregnant and wasnt working. He was also lying about it. When ds was born so said he was quitting but in fact he was still smoking. He still has no job and isn't even trying as far as i can tell. I am working 2 jobs and when I'm home i take care of ds. I also take him to work with me. My money goes missing all the time. So is angry and mean sometimes on the verge of scary.. i don't wanna stay but i am afraid of being a single mom. I dont want my son to resent me for leaving... i need words of support. I'm so lost

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Old 08-06-2013, 09:44 PM   #2
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Re: afraid to be a single mom

Would you want your son to treat a woman the way his dad is treating you? By staying you are telling him it is ok to treat a woman like that.

Being in a loving and secure single parent family is better than in a house with two parents when one of them is using and scary.
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Old 08-06-2013, 10:15 PM   #3
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Re: afraid to be a single mom

Leave mama. I raised two by myself after mentally & physically abusive relationships. I also worked & went to college. It's totally doable. AND you need that chance to meet a real man. My husband is wonderful & my daughters love him to pieces.
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Old 08-06-2013, 10:19 PM   #4
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Re: afraid to be a single mom

Hugs, mama.

You have the strength to be whatever you need to be for yourself and your son. The harsh reality is that you are already acting as a single mum. If you can do it now, you can do it without your SO.
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Old 08-06-2013, 10:21 PM   #5
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Re: afraid to be a single mom

I know a lot of single moms and I know that it is hard to take that step but they all have been better in the long run. Your child can still have a relationship with your SO, that is up to SO to keep up though, not you. Growing up with both parents flaking out on me I can tell you that eventually your son will figure out who the people in his life are that really care about him. It makes me sad to hear that you feel judged here.
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Old 08-06-2013, 10:23 PM   #6
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Re: afraid to be a single mom

My mom left 2 abusive husbands. She met a wonderful man later as a single mother. He loved her and adopted her two children as his own. Staying with those men would have ruined her life and her kids' lives. Being a single mother was hard, but it was the best decision and allowed her to meet another man who really wanted to be a good husband and father.
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Old 08-06-2013, 10:23 PM   #7
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Re: afraid to be a single mom

If he's scaring you, then you do need to leave. It's hard, I'm not going to tell you that it's not, my mom has been a single parent my whole life, but she's made it work. And believe me, your son won't resent you for getting yourself (and him) out of a bad situation. He'll thank you for it, appreciate it and probably respect you more for it. And if you're not happy, baby isn't going to be happy. They can sense those things and know way more than the parents think they do (as they grow).

If you don't want to stay, don't. You deserve better than that.
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Old 08-06-2013, 10:42 PM   #8
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mama, you are already a single mom, and right now you have two kids: a defenseless one that needs your protection, and a useless one that is not good for you and your child and is not your responsibility. I know leaving is easier said than done, and the idea of being 'alone' is scary, but no one deserves what you are going through.
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Old 08-06-2013, 10:48 PM   #9
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Re: afraid to be a single mom

I feel like I posted this too soon. He came home and tried to attack me while I was holding ds. I'm at my moms with my son now.
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Old 08-06-2013, 10:51 PM   #10
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Re: afraid to be a single mom

I was wondering how you were doing.
I'm glad you are safe at your moms, write down and document all that happened and stay strong. Be confident that you are making the right decision for your son and you.

How is your relationship with her can you settle in for a bit?
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