Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 02-14-2013, 12:47 AM   #1
anne_josh's Avatar
anne_josh
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: WA the state, not DC
Posts: 1,084
What is the deal with other people's need to balance your family?

So since we are in the process of foster/adopt (still early on, but it's now public knowledge, I guess) literally everyone we have discussed it with assumes we're adopting a girl. Which is fine and I guess a logical assumption but some of them have been surprised, dismayed, and even voiced serious disapproval at us not considering it. The latest is that the boys will feel slighted and that we could supplant the youngest and cause him serious psychological damage. *sigh* And that 'families with both genders of kids are just happier.'

This is after all the 'you need to try again for a girl!' comments.. I never really wanted more than two bio kids, but even if I did, after my placental abruption with ds2 it would be a really bad idea for me to have another pregnancy. That door is now closed as dh had a vasectomy and I am 100% fine with it. Besides, it's not like if we tried again we'd be guaranteed a girl.

What in the world motivates people this way? It would never occur to me to offer suggestions on my friends' or family members' reproductive decisions.

Advertisement

__________________
anne, the wahm formerly known as zephyrclothdiapers (now retired) + josh (the dh) = ds1 06/04 & ds2 09/10
~ never forgetting our ^i^ 08/03
done biologically, working on adopting from foster care
anne_josh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-14-2013, 04:37 AM   #2
junvwekt
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 453
Re: What is the deal with other people's need to balance your family?

I think some people offer advice because they care about you... some just do it because they like their opinions to be heard. I don't know...

I find it a little annoying that during my pregnancy, I've already had a couple of people tell me how long to wait before I have another baby.

Hmmm... You get to make those decisions for YOUR family, but not for mine! Haha... I usually just smile & nod. If it was more than a passing comment, I'd probably tell them off (kindly & politely, of course!!)
junvwekt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-14-2013, 07:18 AM   #3
NotLad's Avatar
NotLad
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: The UT
Posts: 2,436
My Mood:
Re: What is the deal with other people's need to balance your family?

I have boys and I hear that comment at least once a week. It makes me want to punch people.
NotLad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-14-2013, 08:32 AM   #4
FernHollow
Banned
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 8,397
My Mood:
Re: What is the deal with other people's need to balance your family?

I have 1 girl and then 4 boys in a row. You would not believe the stupid comments that just fall right out off peoples mouths. I get pretty annoyed when someone starts saying "oh your poor daughter!". Umm...she adores her brothers and she CAN HEAR YOU.
FernHollow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-14-2013, 08:34 AM   #5
NYCVeg
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 205
Re: What is the deal with other people's need to balance your family?

I have an only child. I spent approximately five years of my life listening to everyone from family members to complete strangers lecture me on how I needed to have another child. (Now that dd's a bit older, people seem to have given up. :P).

I can't fathom why people feel they should comment on others' reproductive choices.

Good luck with the foster/adopt process!
NYCVeg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-14-2013, 08:37 AM   #6
Arabesque's Avatar
Arabesque
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,171
My Mood:
I have one boy and one girl, and lots of people tell me I'm done since I have one of each. I am done, but that's not the reason why, and sometimes I want to have more just to spite those people.
__________________
Amanda - happily married wife to N and mother to B and C
Arabesque is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-14-2013, 08:39 AM   #7
FernHollow
Banned
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 8,397
My Mood:
Re: What is the deal with other people's need to balance your family?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Arabesque View Post
I have one boy and one girl, and lots of people tell me I'm done since I have one of each. I am done, but that's not the reason why, and sometimes I want to have more just to spite those people.
I got that all the time after my first two. That is why it boggles my mind that people thought it was so great that we had a girl and a boy at first, then now they either forget we already have a dd, or focus on how terrible her life must be. Seriously people are just rude sometimes!
FernHollow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-14-2013, 08:44 AM   #8
Rhianna'sMommy
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 6,466
My Mood:
Re: What is the deal with other people's need to balance your family?

I hate how everyone assumes we're done at 3 kids because we finally got our boy. This opinion is why we almost never tried for #3. We just felt called to have another baby boy or girl not because we didn't have our boy yet. Actually when we were ttc we were hoping for another girl but people never did believe that one.
Rhianna'sMommy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-14-2013, 09:00 AM   #9
qsefthuko's Avatar
qsefthuko
Registered Users
sitesupporter
seller
seller
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 17,002
Re: What is the deal with other people's need to balance your family?

Because so many people are idiots. I think it really is as simple as that.

Since I have two kids, boy and a girl, and both were older(7&11) when we got pregnant with our third child I heard comments like,'You should name him oops.' I told one person no he shouldn't be named oops but rather surprise you CAN have another baby. He was certainly a shock and a surprise alright. Not, however, because we didn't want another, but rather, because after 7 years of infertility we had stopped expecting it to ever happen.
__________________
qsefthuko is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-14-2013, 09:05 AM   #10
l_Kimmie_l
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Maine
Posts: 12,584
My Mood:
Re: What is the deal with other people's need to balance your family?

I get the are you going to keep trying till you get a girl. I am like nope, 4 is plenty and perfect for me. I do not get why having all of one gender is something to be sorry for.
l_Kimmie_l is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.