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Old 02-14-2013, 08:24 AM   #21
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Re: Drinking in your family

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When I was pregnant we talked about it once and I dared never bring it up again. He its not having a good time unless he is drinking and it's his wayof relaxing and letting loose cause Ge works so hard he says.

And how dare I deny him that...

Now I don't usually care because I enjoy my time with DD
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He can't. He gets angry, walks away, ignores me, silent treatment, leaves.

Just makes me feel HORRIBLE for it
Giant red flags.

Binge drinking several nights a week is NOT normal. IMO there is really no excuse for grown adults to get drunk at all much less when they have children.

We do drink on occasion. We do not get drunk.

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Old 02-14-2013, 08:26 AM   #22
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Re: Drinking in your family

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Giant red flags.

Binge drinking several nights a week is NOT normal. IMO there is really no excuse for grown adults to get drunk at all much less when they have children.

We do drink on occasion. We do not get drunk.

And if he's the investigator, moving will solve nothing. He'll just go further to find new drinking buddies, or drink alone. You have a serious problem AE.
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Old 02-14-2013, 08:39 AM   #23
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We lived on a street like this for 2 years.

Drunk adult men riding tricycles down the road.
Partying into the 4-6 am range.

Moving didn't change everything to be sure but it certainly didn't hurt things.

IME you can talk until your blue in the face. God know I tried for close to a decade. It took him having a real wake up call moment to re-examine things and decide to stop drinking himself.

He was much the same as your DH in the past.
He thought it was normal, a way to relax. He deserved it because he worked hard ect.

There was never drinking by his parents but he saw a lot with his older siblings.

My parents drank very occasionally
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Old 02-14-2013, 09:39 AM   #24
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Re: Drinking in your family

No, that is not at all normal.

We have no problem with alcohol in our house. Dh and I have a drink with dinner maybe once a week--a glass of wine or a beer each. Dh will occasionally have a second glass of wine. When we go out to eat, same thing--I might have one drink, dh might have one or two. We live in a city, so we never drive. Dh does not drink to get drunk--he drinks because he's a foodie, and knows a ton about wine, and likes to pair appropriate wine with a good meal. Neither of us has ever been drunk around dd. Actually, I don't think either or us has been drunk since college.
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Old 02-14-2013, 09:46 AM   #25
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Re: Drinking in your family

No that is not normal behavior at all. I come from a family of alcoholics and honestly his behavior sounds very familiar to me. I am very sorry you are dealing with this, but you are going to need to be strong for your daughter. Usually the alcohol is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the emotional and behavioral problems and your DH sounds like he needs help. The unfortunate thing is that the ONLY person that can help him, is himself.
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Old 02-14-2013, 11:48 AM   #26
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Re: Drinking in your family

We are social drinkers. I grew up in a "social drinker" family as well. A few days a week my dad would come home from work and have a drink or two...mixed drink, beer, or wine and sometimes my mom would have a glass with him. Sometimes they would have a beer or a glass of wine with dinner and they drank ( a few each) if they went to a party or out on the weekend.

Dh and I pretty much do the same thing. We both know how to drink responsibly and that is actually better to show children then to just not drink around them at all. We want them to know what alchohol is, why people drink it, and the effect it has. The last thing we want is them to sneak it with friends in high school or become completely out of control when they go off to college. Dh and I enjoy many different types of alchohol and we drink them occasionally. Whether to relax and unwind, with dinner, out with friends, at a party, at a club, at a bar, etcs.
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Old 02-14-2013, 12:37 PM   #27
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Re: Drinking in your family

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He can't. He gets angry, walks away, ignores me, silent treatment, leaves.

Just makes me feel HORRIBLE for it
I say this gently, but this sounds abusive and he sounds like an alcoholic.
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Old 02-14-2013, 12:58 PM   #28
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Re: Drinking in your family

Binge drinking several times a week is not normal. It's alcoholism. And if he's making you feel badly because you don't like it, that's not healthy for either of you.

I wish I could introduce your husband to my father. My dad lived large for a great many years. He smoked for 40ish years. He drank to excess every night he could, similar to what you're describing. He ate and loved greasy foods. He's been over weight if not outright obese as long as I can remember, and I'm 33 with a great memory.

He's paying for it. About 2 years ago he couldn't walk far without his legs just folding up underneath him. His arteries were so full of plaque that he had no pulse in his ankles. He was referred to a vascular surgeon who recommended surgery to clean them out but wouldn't touch him with a 10 foot pole until he'd been at least 6 months as an ex smoker. He quit, but after 40 years it was hell, and actually made him worse. He couldn't eat anything he liked, he couldn't smoke anymore. He had to sell his buisness in a crap economy because he simply couldn't run it anymore as sick as he was. The surgery was scheduled for my third anniversary and carried a frightening death rate, so I ended up on pins and needles hoping I was going to wake up the day after and still have a living father. When they did the surgery they discovered that his liver is nearly shot, and he can't drink anymore. He's 63 years old, can't smoke, can't drink, has a VERY limited diet and is still in major recovery from the surgery he had in OCTOBER. You wouldn't believe the alcohol withdrawl symptoms.

Your husband has to realize that he's killing himself by inches. He needs to get to the root of why he's drinking and cut it back to healthy levels or there will be fall out. Healthy drinking is ~1 drink a day - 1 beer, or a small glass of wine, or a shot of spirits. You can have more than that in a single day, but it should average out over time. What he's doing is not healthy. Over time it WILL kill him. It's just a question of when and how.

The sad part is, he has to be willing to hear it. Nothing you can tell him is going to help as long as he's putting his fingers in his ears and singing, or making you the bad guy because you don't want him to have any "fun". We've talked to my dad about the bad eating, the smoking, the drinking, but do you think it ever sunk in? The worst part was that for the last 6 years him drinking led my mother to drink and she's a stroke survivor. most of her control over the left side of her body is conscious. Add alcohol and she's a walking disaster waiting to happen. I can't tell you how many times she's hurt herself falling down and had to go to the hospital to get patched up. Dad couldn't take care of her when she did because he was too blitzed. I don't know if he's going to live long enough to see my girls grow up and the thought of it tears me up inside. We suffer because he wanted to have fun. Not fair, is it?
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Old 02-14-2013, 01:05 PM   #29
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Re: Drinking in your family

I didn't read the whole thread.

Yes, that was normal for me growing up.

HOWEVER, that doesn't mean it was okay. My parents have since changed. And I will never have a normal, healthy, loving relationship with my mother as a result of things that went on.
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Old 02-14-2013, 01:25 PM   #30
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Re: Drinking in your family

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