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Old 02-14-2013, 02:12 PM   #31
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Re: Drinking in your family

It would not be okay with me. Because I feel like once you become a parent, you need to be prepared to take a child to the emergency room at any time. Of course, if the other parent is healthy and sober, then I guess the other parent is fine with having a drink or two.

I grew up in a family that never drinks alcohol. DH grew up in a family that regularly drinks, but not a lot at once. Except at like any party, they do drink a bit. Luckily, we live 2000+ miles away, so it's not a constant issue.

When we were pregnant, I told him that I didn't want our children to grow up thinking drinking was normal. He didn't have an issue with it because he doesn't really drink outside of social things and he's extremely introverted, so social is rare.

but, I wouldn't be okay with 4nights a week. I would try to be understanding for a beer after work (or drink of choice) and I would try to be understanding for even 1 night of a little more, but not to the degree with which it sounds like you are dealing.

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Old 02-14-2013, 03:18 PM   #32
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Re: Drinking in your family

I grew up with divorced parents who were both remarried. We saw my biological dad every other weekend. He'd pick us up (late), drop us off with his wife and then go out to play hockey. He'd get back in the middle of the night stinking drunk, sleep all day. Then Sunday he'd bring us home.

By contrast, my mom and step dad (my real Dad) never drank. He'd have a beer or twisted tea on occasion (like on the weekend when he was mowing) and my mom did not drink. LOL, I remember the ONE time my entire childhood when my mom went out with some coworkers from her school and had 2 whole drinks (she's a lightweight) and came home tipsy.

DH's parents think it's normal to finish a bottle (or 2) of wine at dinner followed by shots occasionally.

We don't drink at home. I had my fun in college, but I just don't enjoy drinking. If I'm out to dinner (which is never), I may have the occasional glass of white or DH might get a Blue Moon, but that's it. Largely, given the predisposition to addiction I've experienced from various family members, I avoid alcohol.

OP, your DH might see it as social drinking, but it is very unhealthy and you are right to be concerned.

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Old 02-14-2013, 03:42 PM   #33
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Re: Drinking in your family

I didn't grow up with it and XH drank occasionally and I used to drink once in a blue moon. Dh and I don't drink at all now. He stopped drinking before he met me. I don't have a problem with a beer after dinner or what have you, but what you describe is totally different. Plus the fact that he gets so angry and defensive....I am worried, mama
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Old 02-14-2013, 05:12 PM   #34
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Re: Drinking in your family

Was he like this before you married him?
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Old 02-14-2013, 05:14 PM   #35
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That doesn't sound normal but I don't have a problem with DH having a few beers on the weekend or whatever. I grew up around social drinkers but no one ever got wasted that I can remember but when my parents were with friends or family there was always drinks.
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Old 02-14-2013, 05:29 PM   #36
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Before we were married it was something we did together once a week when friends had Saturday off. So friday was the night to party.

Now that his job gives him four days off in a row, his best friend is suddenly seperated from his wife and staying with us (she left him for another rich man) often has numerous days off during the week, our neighbor works two weeks on and two off and the other neighbor is in between jobs.

This leave 4 men who like to drink off work for atleast 4 days in a row. This sounds bad like no one has a good job or we live in poverty which is not the case at all. We and all the neighbors make decent money.

I think it is mostly his job that has enabled him to drink this way. And also moving into this couldasack where there are other drinkers.

He ensured me "it would ofcourse stop when the baby comes" but I think its worse now because his job changed and we moved. I should have jumped on him right when she was born but I was just so happy to have her and spend time with her I wasnt bothered by what he did. Now that shes getting older it needs to stop because this can not will not be normal for her.

There's not a lot to do where we live and he often complains he's bored. So I think that's part of the reason where drinking comes in too.

I think things will change when we move but if he continues drinking this way more than 2 days in a row I will be talking to him.

I just wasnt sure if this was normal for some families and now I see it is not. For him and his family this is normal. Which is why he doesn't understand why I don't like it. He thinks I'm trying to stop his fun and make him miserable and coop him up in the house like I like to be haha. I am very much an introvert

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Old 02-14-2013, 06:16 PM   #37
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Re: Drinking in your family

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Originally Posted by aemarques View Post
Before we were married it was something we did together once a week when friends had Saturday off. So friday was the night to party.

Now that his job gives him four days off in a row, his best friend is suddenly seperated from his wife and staying with us (she left him for another rich man) often has numerous days off during the week, our neighbor works two weeks on and two off and the other neighbor is in between jobs.

This leave 4 men who like to drink off work for atleast 4 days in a row. This sounds bad like no one has a good job or we live in poverty which is not the case at all. We and all the neighbors make decent money.

I think it is mostly his job that has enabled him to drink this way. And also moving into this couldasack where there are other drinkers.

He ensured me "it would ofcourse stop when the baby comes" but I think its worse now because his job changed and we moved. I should have jumped on him right when she was born but I was just so happy to have her and spend time with her I wasnt bothered by what he did. Now that shes getting older it needs to stop because this can not will not be normal for her.

There's not a lot to do where we live and he often complains he's bored. So I think that's part of the reason where drinking comes in too.

I think things will change when we move but if he continues drinking this way more than 2 days in a row I will be talking to him.

I just wasnt sure if this was normal for some families and now I see it is not. For him and his family this is normal. Which is why he doesn't understand why I don't like it. He thinks I'm trying to stop his fun and make him miserable and coop him up in the house like I like to be haha. I am very much an introvert
What he is doing isn't normal family social drinking, and you made so many excuses for him I lost count. Just for kicks you should check out an AA group, they offer spousal support as well and it might open your eyes a bit.

http://www.livestrong.com/article/19...holic-husband/

http://psychicdog-net.hubpages.com/h...oholic-Partner
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Old 02-14-2013, 06:24 PM   #38
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"It's boring here" is really not a valid excuse to get drunk all the time... I'm sorry mama. I hope both of you can see things clearly soon.
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Old 02-14-2013, 06:28 PM   #39
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Re: Drinking in your family

I grew up in an environment with a lot of drinking. Without getting into it, I knew that I would NEVER marry someone who drank. I have nothing against the drinking, I just didn't want it in my personal life.

While it was my "normal" growing up, I don't think it is that way for everyone. We don't drink here at all.
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Old 02-14-2013, 07:19 PM   #40
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Re: Drinking in your family

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Originally Posted by aemarques View Post
When I was pregnant we talked about it once and I dared never bring it up again. He its not having a good time unless he is drinking and it's his wayof relaxing and letting loose cause Ge works so hard he says.

And how dare I deny him that...

Now I don't usually care because I enjoy my time with DD
I didn't read every comment, I got to this one and a bunch of feelings from my childhood came up. My parents drank every. single. night, all day Sunday cuz they were both off work. My sisters and I refered to it as "kinder drinking"... The more they drank the kinder they got...
5pm, "Can I have a dollar?" "No, we don't have extra money"
8pm, "Can I have a dollar?" "I have a 20"
That was the only cool thing I can say besides we could drink all we wanted... It was kinda cool to have your friends over at 15 and your parents offer ya a beer...

THEN reality sets in and my friends can't come over because I have the irresponsible parents.
THEN your parents by a camp on a huge lake... PARTY EVERY WEEKEND... BRING YOUR FRIENDS...
THEN your mom faceplants into the porch on her way to get another one. EMBARRASSMENT!!
THEN your dad flips the boat and your parents almost drowned... You and your friends watch on in horror.
THEN your dad falls in the fire... Friends of course watching.
THEN I have my first child... Go for a visit, cousins are in from up north... Your dad brags he has the cutest grandson, dad leans over to kiss baby, lands ON nursing 2 week old IN my lap... Baby was fine... We got lucky.
THEN you start having your own babies and move an hour away so your kids don't see the drunk grandparents.

My kids grow up seeing my parents maybe once a month... My parents missed out on my kids growing up.

You know what my mom told me a couple days before she died of cancer..."I wish I could change things. I would never started drinking with your dad. I missed my grandkids growing up"

We don't visit my dad but a couple times a year. He's always outback with his beer in one hand, smoke in the other... Nobody to drink with, but he's been drinking almost every night for 30+ years, he will drink himself to death one day...

How long does your daughter's daddy want to be the neighborhood drunk? Cuz I'll tell you this... All the "cool" friends my parents drank with, they have done one of 2 things, grew up or died... Pretty pitiful lifestyle IMHO... Sucks to grow up the kid of the drunks.

Enough said, story told.
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