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Old 02-15-2013, 08:53 AM   #1
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School is making home life miseable

My two older kids are having issues at school that are making things miserable at home.

DD1 who is 8 has had some assesments that said they think LD that appears as distractability. I have no clear answers. When doing work she does require a lot of reminders to keep on task. She severely lacks confidence in her ability to do tasks she finds challenging. Last year she has a teacher who was borderline abusive to the kids both physically and emotionally. She was having melt downs/ hiding under her desk and needing to be removed from class.

Once I figured out what was going on I tried to solve it. It ended with me pulling her from class the last few weeks of school because they refused to move her.

This years teacher was much better but she has been gone since November due to a car accident. The sub is kind but inexperienced with this sort of thing.

She has had some bullying issues being both teased as well as as punched/ hit.
Two brothers in particular. She was told to stay away from them but will not listen.
She seems to not understand that some kids will not be her friend no matter how much she tries.

She is overly sensitive and holds onto things. If something doesn't go her way she gets very upset. An example is at indoor recess she played a board game with her one good friend. She thought that they should get it the next recess to contiune the game. When that didn't happen it ruined her whole day.

She says she feels sick all of the time, tells me she wants to be homeschooled.
I am told by everyone that would be a mistake due to her social "issues"
That it would be too hard for me to do with 4 kids. I have no idea what is actually involved in HS or if I could pull it off.

As it stands right now I fight to get her to school. SHe come home in the foulest of foul moods. She is rude, sarcastic and angry. She is actually mean to the other kids. She said to her brother that he wrecks everything when he accidentally spilled a condiment at the dinner table. She has occasionally shoved her little brother who she is like a second Mom to.

Im at a loss!

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Old 02-15-2013, 09:11 AM   #2
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Re: School is making home life miseable

I'd pull her out. Have you checked locally for homeschool programs or support? My best friend was homeschooled and they always had the social aspect fulfilled with trips and lessons they did with other homeschooled kids.
What's she's doing now anyway, is obviously not working for her, and I would be worried its doing more harm than good forcing her to go.
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Old 02-15-2013, 09:15 AM   #3
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Re: School is making home life miseable

If your still with me DS1 who is 6 loves school never complains to go.

He gets his feelings hurt easily and lashes out. If he percieves someone broke the rules or is being unfair her gets really upset. He is struggling with school work and he has been diagnosed "adhd" although I dont believe that holds much water especially since the assesment was done while he had obstructive sleep apnea.

His teacher is telling me that none of the kids want to play with him except his one good friend. ( the younger brother of DDs best friend) I know though that the kids know they only have to say he did something and he will be in trouble. They are the same kids he was in jk and SK with before we took out dairy and had his tonsils out. When they wont let him play he gets upset.

There are some allergy issues that he has and I know when he has dairy he is off the wall, angry, hyper, teary, can't sleep. I don't allow him to have dairy at all but when he goes to my ILs like this past sunday they let him eat sour cream dip with crackers!

When he has a rough day at school he lashes out at home. He goes from angry to tearful and back again. Doesnt listen. instigates fights with DD1 and DS2 or in generaly just plays really aggresivly and ends up someone getting hurt.

We are working on theses issues at home.

Lastly my younger ds2 who just turned 3 late in November is due to start school in September full day every day. IMO he is too young and I had the same opinion with my others. I want to hold him back but they not let him start the following year.

So overwhelmed!

Please excuse my typos N2AK lol
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Old 02-15-2013, 09:23 AM   #4
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Re: School is making home life miseable

I'd look into the homeschool laws and groups in your area. It sounds like public school isn't a good fit for your kids. With good groups in your area, they can still get socialization. It never hurts to at least research your options. Maybe try homeschooling the rest of this year (or over the summer) and if it doesn't work out you can always put them back in school come fall.
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Old 02-15-2013, 09:51 AM   #5
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Re: School is making home life miseable

I would definitely look into homeschooling. Public school (or at least, the one y'all are in) is certainly not working for you. Homeschooling has it's challenges, yes, but you CAN do it. You are fully capable of teaching your children. You don't have to know it all, and it doesn't have to be as structured as public school or structured in the same way. There is great flexibility in it to teach the way your children learn best, to go at their pace, and to do each subject on their level instead of trying to get them to be on the same page as 20 other kids.

Now, I would recommend you at least become familiar with your state's homeschool laws. HSLDA.org (I think it's org) is the best place, probably, for that. From there, if you pray, pray about it. Talk to your hubby about it. Come over to the homeschool forum here and see if there are any other moms in your area. Check Yahoo or Facebook for homeschool groups in your area and get more information about what you have available.

Also, if you decide to homeschool, don't think you have to do it forever. Maybe after doing it for a year, your kids will be ready to go back into public school if you want them to. You also don't have to do the same thing for each child. If one of them thrives being homeschooled, keep them home, but don't feel like it's an all or nothing sort of deal.
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Old 02-15-2013, 09:53 AM   #6
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Re: School is making home life miseable

That's so tough mama! If you would like to keep her in school, I would recommend a few things.

1) Get the evaluation results to see if she does have a learning disability. If distractibility is an issue, you might also be interested in persuing a private evaluation to explore the possibility of ADD. This looks very very different in girls vs. boys and is often undiagnosed. But only a professional can tell you for sure.

2) See if the school has a counselor who does friendship and social skills groups. These can be very helpful. If she qualifies as having a learning disability, we have a service here called 'social work' that is basically a counselor to help students work on emotional and social issues they have at school.

Only you can decide if homeschooling or public school is right for you all. I would definitely seek out homeschooling groups in your area if you decide to go that route to keep her socially engaged with other kids as well. Good luck!
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Old 02-15-2013, 10:00 AM   #7
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Re: School is making home life miseable

I never understand why people think that more negative social interaction is somehow better than less overall social interaction.

I homeschool 4 kids. It's not really a big deal or terribly difficult.

What does everyone who tells you homeschooling would be a mistake actually know about homeschooling? What personal experience do they have with it?

I think my kids have as much or more social interaction as public school kids. They are involved in many (maybe too many) extracurricular activities. You can tailor it to fit your kids. My oldest is a social butterfly and so she belongs to the most groups/activities that time will allow. My second child is an introvert (like her mama) and has fewer activities. The other two are somewhere in between.

I may be more biased because I do homeschool and always have, but I would suggest trying it for a year or two. The first year may be tough as you de-program them from public school, but it sounds like the situation as it is can't possibly be what is best for your children.
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Old 02-15-2013, 01:18 PM   #8
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Re: School is making home life miseable

I don't think that homeschooling is the right answer for every family, but if you're able to try it, it sounds like it may right for you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy24babes View Post
She says she feels sick all of the time, tells me she wants to be homeschooled.
I am told by everyone that would be a mistake due to her social "issues"
I promise you: going back to school year after year does absolutely nothing to solve social problems for a kid who is oversensitive and bullied. They may eventually stop complaining about what happens, and just keep it to themselves. They may learn various coping strategies that work short-term but aren't necessarily healthy or good long-term options. For example: when I was a kid I made more and more of an effort to be as invisible as possible. Picked out the blandest possible clothes, said as little as I could, etc. Generally tried very hard not to ever do anything worth noticing. (And failed anyway.)

I definitely didn't come out of school less shy & sensitive than I went in!

People (like the ones telling you that) seem to think "socializing" just happens like magic by putting kids in a group together. It doesn't. Social skills are just that -- skills. Some kids come by them easily, but others need a lot more guidance to figure it all out.

If you just don't think you could homeschool, that's legitimate too. It would probably not be good for your or the kids if you were just pressured into it. If you want to keep them in school, does the school offer any counseling, like social skills group counseling? (I ask because I noticed my kids' school offers that.) Or would you be able to find anything like that on your own? It really sounds like both of the older kids need some help beyond what teachers & parents have tried to tell them so far.

As for your 3 y/o: I don't understand how they could not "let" him start a year later. Kids get held back all the time. If you simply don't send him next year, then he'll start the following year. Right, or am I missing something? It's funny, since here my son couldn't start Kindergarten until he was 6; he missed the cutoff by 2 days, and they absolutely positively would not let him in any younger than then minimum, even 2 days younger.

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Old 02-15-2013, 02:15 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by momtojande View Post
I don't think that homeschooling is the right answer for every family, but if you're able to try it, it sounds like it may right for you.



is oversensitive and bullied. They may eventually stop complaining about what happens, and just keep it to themselves. They may learn various coping strategies that work short-term but aren't necessarily healthy or good long-term options. For example: when I was a kid I made more and more of an effort to be as invisible as possible. Picked out the blandest possible clothes, said as little as I could, etc. Generally tried very hard not to ever do anything worth noticing. (And failed anyway.)

I definitely didn't come out of school less shy & sensitive than I went in!
This was me as well. I pointed this out to my Mom.
I am still no social butterfly, it's not something that can be taught.
SHe has been meeting with the school counsillor to assist her in reading others cues and help her social skills


People (like the ones telling you that) seem to think "socializing" just happens like magic by putting kids in a group together. It doesn't. Social skills are just that -- skills. Some kids come by them easily, but others need a lot more guidance to figure it all out.

If you just don't think you could homeschool, that's legitimate too. It would probably not be good for your or the kids if you were just pressured into it. If you want to keep them in school, does the school offer any counseling, like social skills group counseling? (I ask because I noticed my kids' school offers that.) Or would you be able to find anything like that on your own? It really sounds like both of the older kids need some help beyond what teachers & parents have tried to tell them so far.

As for your 3 y/o: I don't understand how they could not "let" him start a year later. Kids get held back all the time. If you simply don't send him next year, then he'll start the following year. Right, or am I missing something? It's funny, since here my son couldn't start Kindergarten until he was 6; he missed the cutoff by 2 days, and they absolutely positively would not let him in any younger than then minimum, even 2 days younger.
Here our school is junior K and senior K
Jk you have to be 4 by Dec 31st. They are really big on age appropriate here. If I keep him back he will simply enter Sk the following year and not only have missed a year of instruction but still be one of the youngest kids in the class ( late Nov birthday)
I have asked them to allow him to actually be held back the year due to speach delays, young age, and the fact that they have now started full day everyday kindergarten. The only response I have gotten is that while they agree with me on holding him back they can't give me anything saying they won't just put him in SK the following year.
Having my two older kids forced into school before I felt they were ready and struggling all the way this really frustrates me!

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Old 02-15-2013, 02:25 PM   #10
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Re: School is making home life miseable

You guys start school so early in Ontario! We only just got all day Kindy but it starts the year they turn 5, not 4!
Anyway, they can't make you send your youngest to school this year. Send him next year. Tons of November boys are held back and you are not required to start 'school' until they turn 6 anyway.

Have you had your kids seen by a psychologist? Your dd in particular. That description of your 8yr old and the board game is unusual for a girl her age. It's the reaction I'd expect from a much younger child.

Before jumping to homeschooling i would really want to know what is going on at school and where the problems lie.

Another idea - what about just a different school ?
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