Is this punishment enough? UPDATE 111

[MKDMama]

i completely agree with you OP. Lying is a big No- No in my house. I have 9, 7, 4 year old girls..and a 4 mo old son... my 7 year old has been "forgetting" or having her homework "stolen" as she claims. the age range between 7-10 is a hard one because they DO start with the lying. I do not tolerate the lying and yes, it infuriates me. Here in GA my kids go to public school but the expectations of self responsibilities are high. My kids forget their home work or dont bring it home? they get to deal with the teacher and her punishment next day.
YEs kids forget things but they need to learn responsibility and accountability, especially at this age. You do what you feel is necessary OP You aren't hurting him in any way, and i'm sure you would rather "ruin his night" tonight, than let him go on with the lying and all. He will get it. Good luck to you I hope things get better! I am dealing with these issues myself!

[kimb96]

Originally Posted by Belle Yes, but as an adult, if I forget something important, there are consequences too. So if I forgot my badge to get into work I'd be late for work and get written up or whatever. Now suspend disbelief for a second, pretend I lost my badge and then faked one or used someone else's to avoid the consequences of forgetting my badge. In my line of work that would be a huge security violation and have much bigger consequences than just being late. I could have gotten fired and prosecuted for something like that. I agree that losing the party is a good consequence for forgetting the binder, but I think the bigger issue is the forgery and it is a separate offense. If the OP's son had an understanding with his mom that he could sign stuff for her with her permission that would be different. But he forged her initials in order to avoid the consequences of forgetting the binder. He lied in order to get what he wanted and that is an integrity/character issue.

This is exactly how I feel. I am not punishing him for forgetting his binder. He has done that before and lost his counters for it. I am punishing him for being sneaky and forging my initials. I want to tell the teacher so he can receive the appropriate punishment at school for not having his planner signed.

[kimb96]

Originally Posted by megs715 Ohh, I'd be so mad! Lying is a big offense in this house as well and I think you did great. I have to tell you though, since this is your house, the quoted part, made me LOL! It would have made me angry at the time, but so, so funny to read! I hope your evening gets better!

Yeah, I had to go hide in the bathroom after he said that. It was pretty funny

[Tris]

Originally Posted by Belle Yes, but as an adult, if I forget something important, there are consequences too. So if I forgot my badge to get into work I'd be late for work and get written up or whatever. Now suspend disbelief for a second, pretend I lost my badge and then faked one or used someone else's to avoid the consequences of forgetting my badge. In my line of work that would be a huge security violation and have much bigger consequences than just being late. I could have gotten fired and prosecuted for something like that. I agree that losing the party is a good consequence for forgetting the binder, but I think the bigger issue is the forgery and it is a separate offense. If the OP's son had an understanding with his mom that he could sign stuff for her with her permission that would be different. But he forged her initials in order to avoid the consequences of forgetting the binder. He lied in order to get what he wanted and that is an integrity/character issue.

If I forgot my badge, I'd get a temp one, go to work, and do my job. There wouldn't be a consequence for forgetting a badge, because even one of the strictest buildings and jobs could understand that sometimes, stuff happens.

[faithfulorangekids]

I'm surprised at some of the responses here. I definitely think what OP dished out was appropriate and I'm a very laid back gal but for me, I have a method which every kid knows because it's so simple: The 4 D's:

Disobedience
Defiance
Dishonesty
Disrespect

Equals: Discipline (gentle!)

What she wrote showed me deliberate dishonesty. He did it because he knew he would have lost the points if it's not signed. Dishonesty is one thing but deliberate? That would not fly in my house.

[happysmileylady]

Originally Posted by Tris If I forgot my badge, I'd get a temp one, go to work, and do my job. There wouldn't be a consequence for forgetting a badge, because even one of the strictest buildings and jobs could understand that sometimes, stuff happens.

Not everyone's job is so lenient, and that's kinda the point. I used to work at a company with security badges. If we forgot ours, we had to go home and get it. There was no option for a temporary badge. None. If you forgot it, you had to either go home and get it or simply not work that day. Consequences include potentially being written up for being late to work, losing pay for time not there, or even, if attendance was an issue previously, losing a job. If your job allows temporary badges and doesn't care if you forget or lose yours, lucky for you. Not everyone has that luxury and that's exactly what our kids need to learn. In life, not everyone is going to be all that accommodating.

OP, I think your punishment is exactly spot on. I don't know that I would have him write sentences, but that's only because I don't like that particular technique. i might be more inclined to add a particularly gross chore, like cleaning toilest or something that he doesn't normally do instead. But yes, I think it's spot on.

[Tris]

Originally Posted by happysmileylady Not everyone's job is so lenient, and that's kinda the point. I used to work at a company with security badges. If we forgot ours, we had to go home and get it. There was no option for a temporary badge. None. If you forgot it, you had to either go home and get it or simply not work that day. Consequences include potentially being written up for being late to work, losing pay for time not there, or even, if attendance was an issue previously, losing a job. If your job allows temporary badges and doesn't care if you forget or lose yours, lucky for you. Not everyone has that luxury and that's exactly what our kids need to learn. In life, not everyone is going to be all that accommodating. OP, I think your punishment is exactly spot on. I don't know that I would have him write sentences, but that's only because I don't like that particular technique. i might be more inclined to add a particularly gross chore, like cleaning toilest or something that he doesn't normally do instead. But yes, I think it's spot on.

I was military and high security, I don't think it got more strict than that But dude, he is 8. I guess it just comes down to parenting styles, I obviously don't have the same as some here

[mcpforever]

I think you are doing great. I have an almost 11 yo DS and I would do about the same thing and get about the same reaction at that age. "Mom! You've ruined my evening! My hand hurts now!" and I'd probably retort about how he should be glad it's only his hand hurting.

Yeah, at this age/stage, I have no sympathy for this kind of foolishness. And I have dealt with a good bit of it myself. I can't tell you how many times I've heard, "Oh, man! I forgot my XYZ" on the way to school. My reply has always been, "And this is my problem how?" I've done it so much that he's started to head me off with, "I know. I know. It's my fault, not yours." So there IS hope!!!

And, yes, there are two separate issues here. I kind of think that he ought to miss out on the Friday fun this coming week since that is what would have happened if he had been honest this week. I really don't think it matters that he might be able to earn it this week if he only loses two counters, because then what he did kind of worked. I.E. he didn't miss any Friday fun.

[kimb96]

Originally Posted by mcpforever I think you are doing great. I have an almost 11 yo DS and I would do about the same thing and get about the same reaction at that age. "Mom! You've ruined my evening! My hand hurts now!" and I'd probably retort about how he should be glad it's only his hand hurting. Yeah, at this age/stage, I have no sympathy for this kind of foolishness. And I have dealt with a good bit of it myself. I can't tell you how many times I've heard, "Oh, man! I forgot my XYZ" on the way to school. My reply has always been, "And this is my problem how?" I've done it so much that he's started to head me off with, "I know. I know. It's my fault, not yours." So there IS hope!!! And, yes, there are two separate issues here. I kind of think that he ought to miss out on the Friday fun this coming week since that is what would have happened if he had been honest this week. I really don't think it matters that he might be able to earn it this week if he only loses two counters, because then what he did kind of worked. I.E. he didn't miss any Friday fun.

I see your point. I will leave it up the teacher on how she feels he should be punished. I will support a severe punishment in losing next week's party. Ds's teacher really is wonderful and I know she appreciates it when parents support her in disciplining the children.

[mcpforever]

Originally Posted by Tris I was military and high security, I don't think it got more strict than that But dude, he is 8. I guess it just comes down to parenting styles, I obviously don't have the same as some here

Nah. I'd bet that once you've had kiddos that age dealing with similar issues, especially if they are an underlying theme, you'll feel differently.