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Old 02-16-2013, 07:06 AM   #71
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Re: Is this punishment enough?

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Originally Posted by mamatoclaire View Post
But there was no punishment - it was simply a reward system to help kids remember. He forgot, so he shouldn't have gotten the reward. He chose to lie, so he should be punished.
Exactly.
It's not about the forgotten agenda, but about the lying/forgery. It's not a big deal that he forget the book - the consequence of that should have been that he lost the reward for that. If he had accepted and taken that consequence, that would have been the end of it. But he chose to lie instead, and that's not okay.

FWIW, my kids have the same system with an agenda/notebook at our school - yes, they've forgotten theirs (countless times!), but they've never bothered forging my initials - that's the funny thing to me, he would know (well, will now anyways) that you're going to see it the next day and know what he did!

If this was his first time lying I wouldn't go with all those consequences, but where he's been doing it for a while and this is just "another time", I totally agree with your choice!
I don't know that I would call the teacher about next week and losing the reward or whatnot... I don't know if carrying it out that long would be effective. But the lines and the weekend fun loss - definitely agree!

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Old 02-16-2013, 07:37 AM   #72
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Re: Is this punishment enough?

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Exactly.
It's not about the forgotten agenda, but about the lying/forgery. It's not a big deal that he forget the book - the consequence of that should have been that he lost the reward for that. If he had accepted and taken that consequence, that would have been the end of it. But he chose to lie instead, and that's not okay.

FWIW, my kids have the same system with an agenda/notebook at our school - yes, they've forgotten theirs (countless times!), but they've never bothered forging my initials - that's the funny thing to me, he would know (well, will now anyways) that you're going to see it the next day and know what he did!
If this was his first time lying I wouldn't go with all those consequences, but where he's been doing it for a while and this is just "another time", I totally agree with your choice!
I don't know that I would call the teacher about next week and losing the reward or whatnot... I don't know if carrying it out that long would be effective. But the lines and the weekend fun loss - definitely agree!
That gets me too. For all the lying he has been doing lately, you would think he would learn he isn't that good at it. He has been getting caught left and right.
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Old 02-16-2013, 08:09 AM   #73
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I wrote thousands of sentences. Missed dozens of sleepovers. Was grounded for months (even grounded from READING books) and I still occasionally forgot to take out the trash. I was a child. I lied to my dad. Not out of disrespect but because his punishments were so extreme it was worth trying. He was over the top. I think the sentences or the friend. I just don't understand why parents pile so much on. My dad was a jerk. He admits it now. He though he could control me by making me wrote sentences? No. I was a child and you forget things as a child. Then panic sets in and you do stupid crap. If it were my child.


No sleepover.

And outline the punishment for next time. Be clear on it. Perhaps have him write that out once or twice.

Idk. I've been the kid who suffered exaggerated punishing and I don't agree with it. Idk ;/

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Old 02-16-2013, 08:12 AM   #74
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Re: Is this punishment enough?

OP, I think you're doing a wonderful job. A lot of posters seem to think that the punishment is for forgetting the planner - I read it as a punishment for the lying and the forgery. Honestly, those are BIG things and OP has had repeated issues with the lying. For the people who are saying that they wouldn't make THEIR kids write sentences, I think it's a matter of currency. OP said she took her DS's ipod touch away and he did it again. If he's throwing a fit because he HATES writing sentences, then it means she found his currency and hopefully the writing will make enough of an impact on him that the next time he's in a situation where he thinks about lying, he'll remember how unpleasant it was.


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That isn't even remotely the same. Now what if you went to work, forgot to have your supervisor sign off on something that you did and you didn't feel like getting reprimanded for that so you signed it yourself. Huge no no right?
This is EXACTLY what I was thinking. Right now, forgery got him sentences and a missed overnight. As an adult, the consequences would be MUCH worse. My DH was military (before they broke him and retired him) and had a situation where he was the training supervisor and another Airman (who was his same rank) asked him to sign him off on a piece of equipment. DH hadn't seen this guy show proficiency on the equipment and told him that he wasn't comfortable signing until he did some more training. The guy didn't want to do more training so he forged my DH's name. He lost a stripe (and therefore took a pay cut as well as the humiliation), was severely disciplined, and was told that he would not be allowed to re-enlist. He would have been kicked out, but the paperwork to do that would have taken longer than the time he had left on his enlistment. Serious consequences.
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Old 02-16-2013, 08:17 AM   #75
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Re: Is this punishment enough?

I thik there are some that are missing the point. Form my understanding the punishment was fir lying and forgery not for forgetting his planner.

OP i hope he learns his lesson this time.
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Old 02-16-2013, 08:32 AM   #76
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Re: Is this punishment enough?

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I thik there are some that are missing the point. Form my understanding the punishment was fir lying and forgery not for forgetting his planner.

OP i hope he learns his lesson this time.
This. I am not punishing him for forgetting the planner. He would have faced the consequence set up by the teacher for that which would have been losing a couple of character counters.

The teacher told us in the beginning of the year that they really stress personal responsibility in third grade. So I have laid off a lot in terms of reminding him to do homework or checking to make sure it is correct and letting him face the natural consequences for such things. He has to learn take care of himself and be responsible. I am trying to prepare him to be on his own. And he has honestly done pretty well. He has only forgotten to bring the planner home maybe 3-4 times this year. I never have to remind to pack gym clothes on Monday and Thursday. Most of the time his homework is turned in on time.
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Old 02-16-2013, 08:43 AM   #77
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Re: Is this punishment enough?

I think missing the sleepover is great. I dont like the idea of writing lines as punishment.
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Old 02-16-2013, 09:21 AM   #78
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Re: Is this punishment enough?

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Has he ever been told he can't sign her initials? Does he know why its a big deal? All you are teaching him by punishing him for a rule yet unmade is that its unfair. He isn't going to learn that he did something wrong because you never made the rule.
I think you're seriously underestimating what a 9yo is capable of understanding.

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For those of you talking about badges, was it explained when you were hired what the protocol was if you left your badge? Or did you just show up without it one day and then get disciplined for it.
I knew that there were no temporary badges and that I would have to go home to get mine if I forgot it. I also knew that being late for work was something that I would get written up for, especially if I was late due to my own carelessness. No one had to explain to me that A+B=C.

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The first offense in almost everything even in grown-up land is a warning or a light consequence. There is a reason for that.
You must live in a different grown-up land than I do. I mean that seriously. For most people the "warning" is being told (if they have to be) not to be late for work when they are hired. That is pretty self-explanatory. For me, the first offense of being late was a write up. I worked several different jobs and unless I had an emergency (my own forgetfullness did not count as an emergency), then being late once was not simply overlooked. And, as for the OP's son, I think missing one party is a light consequence. Not being able to watch a movie on one Friday of his life is not harsh, but it does teach a lesson.

As for the forgery, I have seen grown adults kicked out of the military or severely disciplined (lost pay, extra duty, lost rank) for one single instance of an integrity violation. They did not get another chance. Pencil-whipping important paperwork can cause a lot of problems, even if it seems relatively minor to some. Lying may be harmless to you, but a lot of people in a lot of professions take it very seriously as a complete loss of trust.
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Old 02-16-2013, 09:53 AM   #79
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Re: Is this punishment enough?

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I think you are doing great. I have an almost 11 yo DS and I would do about the same thing and get about the same reaction at that age. "Mom! You've ruined my evening! My hand hurts now!" and I'd probably retort about how he should be glad it's only his hand hurting.

Yeah, at this age/stage, I have no sympathy for this kind of foolishness. And I have dealt with a good bit of it myself. I can't tell you how many times I've heard, "Oh, man! I forgot my XYZ" on the way to school. My reply has always been, "And this is my problem how?" I've done it so much that he's started to head me off with, "I know. I know. It's my fault, not yours." So there IS hope!!!

And, yes, there are two separate issues here. I kind of think that he ought to miss out on the Friday fun this coming week since that is what would have happened if he had been honest this week. I really don't think it matters that he might be able to earn it this week if he only loses two counters, because then what he did kind of worked. I.E. he didn't miss any Friday fun.
This is exactly what I was thinking!

OP, I think you are doing the best you can and I don't think it's too harsh.

In our family, we don't teach our children which lies are okay. None of them are okay.

This sort of reminds me of when I was 8th grade and I sneaked (is that proper grammar ) out of the house. I did it MANY times that summer. The first time my mom caught me, she made me spend 3 days with her at work by her side reading the Bible (a specific book, can't even remember which). It was summer time, no school. It was no fun, but it was not harsh enough to make me not do it again. I continued to do it. The second time she caught me, I was grounded for a MONTH! It was FOREVER to me at about age 12/13. I basically missed the end of the summer. (I was allowed to go to the pool and such with her, but not without anymore.) I never did it again. So for me, the harsher "punishment" worked. It also served the purposed to sever my friendships with the other kids who were influencing me. They were neighbors and I did not go to school with them because I went to a private school. So, with the month break and school starting back up, I pretty much never hung out with them again. It was good for me and I'm glad my mom went from mild to harsh very quickly. That was the only summer (about 2 months total) that I acted like that, but it could have gone very wrong if I had continued down that road.
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Old 02-16-2013, 11:34 AM   #80
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Originally Posted by HeatherlovesCDs

This is exactly what I was thinking!

OP, I think you are doing the best you can and I don't think it's too harsh.

In our family, we don't teach our children which lies are okay. None of them are okay.

This sort of reminds me of when I was 8th grade and I sneaked (is that proper grammar ) out of the house. I did it MANY times that summer. The first time my mom caught me, she made me spend 3 days with her at work by her side reading the Bible (a specific book, can't even remember which). It was summer time, no school. It was no fun, but it was not harsh enough to make me not do it again. I continued to do it. The second time she caught me, I was grounded for a MONTH! It was FOREVER to me at about age 12/13. I basically missed the end of the summer. (I was allowed to go to the pool and such with her, but not without anymore.) I never did it again. So for me, the harsher "punishment" worked. It also served the purposed to sever my friendships with the other kids who were influencing me. They were neighbors and I did not go to school with them because I went to a private school. So, with the month break and school starting back up, I pretty much never hung out with them again. It was good for me and I'm glad my mom went from mild to harsh very quickly. That was the only summer (about 2 months total) that I acted like that, but it could have gone very wrong if I had continued down that road.
I say snuck lol not sure if that's proper or not.
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