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Old 10-31-2013, 07:32 AM   #1
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Lots of kids and writing a will....

DH and I don't have a will written yet. I know we should. We've talked about it for years and we know it's important.
But the big hurdle we can't get over is WHAT TO DO WITH THE KIDS?! I don't know of anyone that I want to raise them who would be able to take all of them, and I absolutely don't want them split up. Ideally in my mind, my parents would take them. But they're not so young anymore, and taking on a whole new family at their age would be too much I'm afraid. DH's parents are a little older than mine, so same story.
What have you arranged for your kids? I'd love to hear some suggestions.

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Old 10-31-2013, 08:41 PM   #2
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Re: Lots of kids and writing a will....

We don't have an official will either. But we've talked to my sister and BIL. They've agreed to take them if anything happens to us. I am so glad because my parents aren't so young anymore either. And my other sister's life is not where I want my kids raised. My brother and SIL don't want kids in general.

I don't know what I would do if they decided 4 kids was too many. I know my mom and dad would try to keep up with them, but it wouldn't be ideal. Now I'm wondering if we should have a back up. Like good friends... My husband has siblings but our kids aren't as close with them because they are spread out over the eastern seaboard. I don't think they'd be comfortable staying there, but I suppose they'd adjust. Maybe my husband's oldest brother and his wife would take them. I think I'm still most comfortable with my sister.

I hope you can find an answer to your situation. It isn't fun to think about.
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Old 10-31-2013, 08:57 PM   #3
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Do you have any really close friends you would consider? This was my parents plan, but there was only 2 of us. Or how old is your oldest? Once I got married my parents changed their will to have me as my brother's guardian.

I can see why you're stuck on this, and I agree you can't split your kids up. Maybe just talk about with family and friends and see if anyone has ideas or loves your kiddos so much they don't care how many there are.

Hope you're able to figure it out!

ETA: sorry didn't even notice this was in moms of many. Duh!
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Old 10-31-2013, 08:59 PM   #4
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Re: Lots of kids and writing a will....

We have the exact same reason why we haven't been able to write out our will.
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Old 11-01-2013, 05:44 AM   #5
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Re: Lots of kids and writing a will....

Been brainstorming a little, and wondering if my parents might be able to take them with some hired help for housework, etc. DH has a decent life insurance policy and we could stipulate that some of the money could be used to hire a housekeeper or something like that.... My parents turned 55 this year, so they're not really old, but not so young either. What do you think? Worth suggesting?

As to friends, all of our close friends have large families of their own!

Maybe we'll have a chance to discuss this a little with the family at Christmas when we're all together.
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Old 11-01-2013, 05:56 AM   #6
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Re: Lots of kids and writing a will....

We originally had my mother-in-law as the listed guardian in case anything happened to both of us. We just rewrote our will and removed her. It has become clear that she would not raise the children in our faith and beliefs.

My own mother is becoming to frail to handle the kids even for a day.

I would not want my kids to live the lifestyle of my brother and his family.

Our friends are of the same faith, similar parenting style and the space to add more kids. We spoke to them and they agreed. If my dh and I were to pass the kids would go to them.

If we were to pass when my eldest is older he would get the house and the kids. It would be a Party of Five situation.

I shudder the thought of leaving my kids but my options are very limited.
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Old 11-01-2013, 09:49 AM   #7
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Re: Lots of kids and writing a will....

I think the housekeeper/nanny idea is a good one.
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Old 11-01-2013, 10:22 AM   #8
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It is tough. I posted recently about this in parenting. We have four and I just wouldn't know what to do with them. Its tricky to find someone who can and wants to take on a bunch of kids, especially a family that may already have a few of their own. I too like the nanny idea.
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Old 11-01-2013, 12:08 PM   #9
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Similar boat. my dad and FIL is passed. My mom is very ill. MIL is over 65 and not the same faith and we have six....hopefully well have more. I fear my kids would def. Be split up which makes me cringe. I know of no one who has the will and means to take all of them on.
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Old 11-01-2013, 12:35 PM   #10
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Re: Lots of kids and writing a will....

I like the idea of using some of the money for help, maybe even a live in nanny to help with the daily stuff. If I were you I'd talk to my parents about it and see what they say. 55 isn't that old, imo, but they may feel different. Maybe up your life insurance, just in case, to be sure they have plenty of money to get any help they need. We'd be guardians to my sister's kids, should anything happen. That would put our family up to 7 kiddos, ages 8 and under.
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