Dads rights: naming, circing, etc?

[Mom2Connor]

First I want to be totally clear we are happily married - this is strictly for discussion/curiosity purposes only! I think dads should have equal rights, but I joked to DH that I might put my name choice (babys first name) on the BC instead of his. I would never actually do that but it got us thinking....

I know mom doesn't have to use the fathers last name. I am assuming mom has 100% say in the name, period? First middle and last? Whether married, seperated, divorced, etc? Does the father never have any say period?

And not to debate circing in and of itself, but I assume that's moms say as well, either way?

I mean, I don't even have to let him in the room YK, so how could he debate name, etc? I guess he could try for a court order but I wouldn't see it being successful. Again, totally hypothetical in our case. I DO believe the father should get to make these decisions equally.

Edited because I wasn't clear - I am wondering about the legal side. Totally ok to debate the moral side but I am just curious about legally, does mom get the final say in these things?

[Tris]

I'm a bit confused to what the actual debate is, do I think a mom should get 100% say or do I think I get 100% say?

I generally pull the " I'm carrying it, I'm naming it" card, but in reality I come up with names I like and we discuss them.

[Nickel+3]

I don' think it would be fair for the mother to claim all the rights in the naming/circ'ing issue, if the dad is involved and ESPECIALLY if married. If the mom has to take over and not allow the dad's input, I thnk there are more problems there.

[cdeweese]

Wanted to edit to say this is not my opinion, but what I think the "rules" are
I think the mom gets to decide while in the hospital. But keep in mind that while the mother technically gets to do the choosing right after birth, a dad could just as easily take the baby to be circ'd, etc. later on.

I think these decisions really do need to involve BOTH parents. Neither parent has more of a right to the child than the other in most cases. Making the choice against your partners will can do some serious damage to your relationship.

[Mom2Connor]

Originally Posted by Tris I'm a bit confused to what the actual debate is, do I think a mom should get 100% say or do I think I get 100% say? I generally pull the " I'm carrying it, I'm naming it" card, but in reality I come up with names I like and we discuss them.

I mean legally. Sorry

[Mom2Connor]

Originally Posted by cdeweese I think the mom gets to decide while in the hospital. But keep in mind that while the mother technically gets to do the choosing right after birth, a dad could just as easily take the baby to be circ'd, etc. later on.

That is interesting, is that accurate or an assumption? Does it vary state to state?

Can mom just have baby circ'd in the hospital, I am assuming yes. Can dad take baby while on weekend visitation to be circ'd - legally? Hmm?

[HeatherlovesCDs]

I think the decision should be equal for all things unless there are some mitigating circumstances. I've never understood why some women seem to think the men should have no say.

However, if mom and dad disagree, someone has to "win" per say. I mean, you can't really compromise on some things, either you circ or your don't, either his name is John or Mark. So, when it comes to things like that, my husband and I usually go with whoever feels more strongly about it or has a valid moral conviction. Sometimes that is my husband and sometimes it is me.

Luckily, my husband and I very rarely have strong disagreements about issues of parenting.

[HeatherlovesCDs]

Originally Posted by Mom2Connor That is interesting, is that accurate or an assumption? Does it vary state to state? Can mom just have baby circ'd in the hospital, I am assuming yes. Can dad take baby while on weekend visitation to be circ'd - legally? Hmm?

I would think that he could legally have it done if he wanted because Dad could legally sign the consent just as easily as Mom. My children have had things done that needed consent (hernia surgery and such). Only one parent needed to sign and it didn't matter which one. I'm almost positive my husband has signed at least one or more circ consents since we don't do them in the hospital.

(Sorry for posting 2x's. You posted your response while I was posting mine and I didn't see till after I posted. )

[happysmileylady]

I actually think that legally eiher parent has the right to sign off on paperwork regarding the baby without the other one's knowledge or consent. I think the hospital just assumes when the one parent signs that the other one knows and consents and if not then that is between the couple. I think that legally a father could sign off on a procedure like circ'ing without the mother having to sign also. Now as for name or birth certain, I dunno. I think hat the only reason mom can "choose" without dad is that no one can say "I don't know who the mother is.'. So there has to be a way to do the bc without the dad but there is no way to do the bc without mom.

[cdeweese]

Originally Posted by Mom2Connor That is interesting, is that accurate or an assumption? Does it vary state to state? Can mom just have baby circ'd in the hospital, I am assuming yes. Can dad take baby while on weekend visitation to be circ'd - legally? Hmm?

I deliver at a military base in TX and I can say yes to everything even if DH says no. I can also keep him from seeing me and the baby (although I'm sure if he went to court etc beforehand he could do something about that). I would NEVER do that, but it's in my 'power' to do so. I'm not sure about divorced or parents who aren't married, but my DH could absolutely schedule anything he wanted medically for our children on base without my consent.