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Old 03-02-2013, 01:02 AM   #11
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I can understand feeling conflicted about his request for you and the children to convert as that's something that goes against your views. DH leans towards Atheist (raised Catholic), I lean towards Agnostic (very loosely raised Protestant), but neither of us subscribe to anything whole heartedly. If DH suddenly started attending mass and wanted our family to become Catholic, I'd be confused too. Personally, I'd be fine with DH choosing a religion for himself and incorporating small bits of it into our family life. If he strongly felt that our family needed to convert, I'd offer to spend some real, earnest time investigating the religion, attending services, etc, but unless we were both on the same page, I wouldn't completely change the religious course of our entire family for one person. Same would go for me. If I found a faith calling me, I wouldn't expect DH and the kids to jump on board just because I said so, but I would ask them to respect it enough to learn more about it.

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Old 03-02-2013, 01:21 AM   #12
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Re: DH wants to convert. I dont understand...

I personally could see your concerns. However, I think it might be beneficial to your children to celebrate passover and Easter. Passover has so many things that forshadow the death of Christ. The blood of the lamb, physical salvation from slavery, ...... to the blood of the lamb and spiritual salvation from the slavery of sin. It doesn't have to be a horrible thing. It is a great teaching tool for your children that can expand their Catholic faith.
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Old 03-02-2013, 01:31 AM   #13
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Re: DH wants to convert. I dont understand...

I know a couple where they I don'T think they are the same religion and our it's ok but no kids. they just celebrate a lot of things together & share ....

i know mine as we were raised catholic found a need to maybe be confirmed like in church we are at now but i havent as i was confirmed in cato9lic church made by my mom.....
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Old 03-02-2013, 01:31 AM   #14
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Re: DH wants to convert. I dont understand...

It doesn't sound like to me he's wanting the whole family to convert, or really to even keep the kids from their catholic faith? Or am I misreading? To me it sounds like this is something he has been doing on his own, basically exploring and learning about Judaism and now feels he has found something he believes in.

I agree with bdhutier, it may be good to meet with your spiritual leaders to discuss these changes and see what it might mean for your family and marriage. I guess I'm more of the explorer and 'free spirit' in my family, so I can totally understand your Dh.

The only thing I would probably have issue with Dh converting to would be extreme islam, a cult, or the westboro baptist group.
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Old 03-02-2013, 01:40 AM   #15
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Re: DH wants to convert. I dont understand...

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It doesn't sound like to me he's wanting the whole family to convert, or really to even keep the kids from their catholic faith? Or am I misreading? To me it sounds like this is something he has been doing on his own, basically exploring and learning about Judaism and now feels he has found something he believes in.

I agree with bdhutier, it may be good to meet with your spiritual leaders to discuss these changes and see what it might mean for your family and marriage. I guess I'm more of the explorer and 'free spirit' in my family, so I can totally understand your Dh.

The only thing I would probably have issue with Dh converting to would be extreme islam, a cult, or the westboro baptist group.
I understood that just he was converting too. I had to reread the op after a few mamas posted because I thought I might have missed that part. The Westboro comment just cracks me up,I could just see that going over well.
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Old 03-02-2013, 05:55 AM   #16
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Re: DH wants to convert. I dont understand...

Like MyLovely said, converting to any religion could be a dealbreaker for me.

That said, I think it would be beneficial to speak w/ your husband & identify what it it that's drawing him toward Judaism. At least for most of my Jewish friends and acquaintances, their identities as Jews extends far beyond "simple" faith, church, and congregation. It also extends beyond personal practices and values. It includes a shared history and culture, and a unique culture based a history of pervasive persecution, exile, and diaspora. But it's more than that, too, because it's also about their experience as scholars, and their traditions. Judaism, for many people includes religious identity, culture, and ethnicity. Your husband may be gravitating towards Judaism for any or all of those reasons, and regardless of your own faith, I would think it important for you to understand your husband's identity and needs.
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Old 03-02-2013, 06:00 AM   #17
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Re: DH wants to convert. I dont understand...

I guess I'm failing to see what the big deal is. Your husband is growing spiritually. When is that ever a bad thing?

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Old 03-02-2013, 06:35 AM   #18
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Re: DH wants to convert. I dont understand...

I see Christianity and Judaism as compatible. Jesus and all the disciples were Jews. They celebrated all the Jewish holidays and ate kosher food. In fact, the last supper was a Passover meal. I think if you explored Judaism a little more you'd find it's very compatible with Christianity and helps you to understand your faith and it's history better. The Jewish holidays are a lot of fun (well they can be, they can also be made really dry too). We follow Messianic Judaism so we believe in Jesus as the messiah but keep the Jewish traditions. Now, if your husband is wanting to go Orthodox and have the two kitchens, separate beds during that time of the month etc... that would be a real shock and hard to deal with, but most Jewish people are conservative or reform and are much more lenient. Eating kosher isn't really that difficult and the majority of food out there has a brand with a kosher symbol. If he's ok with you still following your faith I think you can raise your children with both religions very well and have them compliment each other. I suggest looking up some Messianic Jewish resources so you can see how the two faiths fit together. People change through life and it's very common later in life for one to turn to their roots and their childhood faith or even a new faith. I don't think it's something you can or should try to stop. It's part of his growth as an individual. You might find in the beginning he's very fervent and excited but with time he'll mellow out. Do your best to communicate and support him in it, like you would if he had a new job or new hobby. And sit down and communicate what his expectations for you and the children are. You'll both have to compromise, but I think in this situation you can compromise without going against your own beliefs.
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Old 03-02-2013, 07:05 AM   #19
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Re: DH wants to convert. I dont understand...

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Mama, he didn't plan this and marry you with this in secrecy. Don't feel deceived. He isn't doing it to hurt you. He obviously feels a strong calling to this faith.


If he was pressuring you to convert, that wouldn't be okay to me. But if he's wanting this for himself, feeling called to it, then I wouldn't stand in his way. I would support him through things.
Definitely a conversation about the children and their upbringing would have to happen. I don't see anything wrong with giving the kids a choice - giving them the information (in so much that Mommy believes this, Daddy believes this, there's nothing wrong with either they're just different) and then letting them choose whether/where they want to attend church/synagogue(?) with you guys. Maybe they would want to alternate weeks or something?
I just think there's lots of ways that this could be worked out. It's definitely not a deal breaker, or wouldn't be for my marriage.
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Old 03-02-2013, 07:57 AM   #20
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I suppose I see religious expression or lack thereof as a journey, not a destination. So, I wouldn't expect anyone to believe the same thing at 44 as they believed at 4. I would hope most people don't. I think you need to accept this. This is his search for truth and his journey to pursue. Setting aside the resentment that you might create by giving him grief over this very personal journey, there is also the matter that this is something he is doing for himself. He needs to find his own truth. He may stick with Judaism. Or he may change him mind 20 times. But the important part is the journey. I don't think he is doing this because he feels something is missing or because you did something wrong. It seems to me that he doesn't believe in Catholicism, and is seeking out Judaism either because he does believe or because he is wanting to connect with his heritage. I think your children will be fortunate to have two different viewpoints (albeit both Abrahamic) in one household. It will allow them to see that they can make their own decisions on religion, and that there are many different options out there.
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