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Old 03-05-2013, 02:13 PM   #11
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Re: My 4 yo excluded from a party

I have no advice...

but yes, I would make the cake with her.

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Old 03-05-2013, 02:46 PM   #12
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Re: My 4 yo excluded from a party

I feel like a terrible mom... but we wouldn't do anything special for the day. We would (and have) tell her that that's life - not everyone gets invited to everything, not everyone gets the same things. That's okay, there's nothing wrong with her or with the birthday girl, that's just life.
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Old 03-05-2013, 02:57 PM   #13
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Re: My 4 yo excluded from a party

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I feel like a terrible mom... but we wouldn't do anything special for the day. We would (and have) tell her that that's life - not everyone gets invited to everything, not everyone gets the same things. That's okay, there's nothing wrong with her or with the birthday girl, that's just life.
I'll come sit in the corner with you. We do the same around here. I see my job as a parent to help my children learn to deal with hurt and disappointment. I can't fix the world for them, but I can help them deal with it.

That said. I like cake and make cakes and baked treats just for fun. No occasion needed.
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Old 03-05-2013, 04:02 PM   #14
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Make the cake and do something special with her.

Can I come beat the crap out of the mom clique for you? Please?
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Old 03-05-2013, 04:56 PM   #15
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Re: My 4 yo excluded from a party

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Originally Posted by canadianbakers View Post
I feel like a terrible mom... but we wouldn't do anything special for the day. We would (and have) tell her that that's life - not everyone gets invited to everything, not everyone gets the same things. That's okay, there's nothing wrong with her or with the birthday girl, that's just life.
This. Life isn't fair and I don't pretend that it is or try to make it up to ds.
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Old 03-05-2013, 06:12 PM   #16
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Re: My 4 yo excluded from a party

I'm kind of surprised at some of these answers. Yes, life isn't fair. But when life throws something unfair and crappy at you do you not take solace in your husband or your friends? Have you never gone to dinner, had drinks, snuggled on the couch or whatever after something bummed you out?

Danielle, I'm glad you baked her a cake. Maybe it turned into a Life Lessons party. That's okay.
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Old 03-05-2013, 06:19 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by canadianbakers
I feel like a terrible mom... but we wouldn't do anything special for the day. We would (and have) tell her that that's life - not everyone gets invited to everything, not everyone gets the same things. That's okay, there's nothing wrong with her or with the birthday girl, that's just life.
I guess I've had the feeling .. the feeling like you've been punched in the gut because what you thought was one way actually is quite different. It was at those times that I wanted my mom, probably because she was kind and gentle to me when that kind of thing happened. It may be life, but my 4 year old is just learning it.

We had the cake tonight and it was really good. I told my daughter a "secret": the last time I made that cake recipe was for her 1st birthday, and it was nice having her make it with me this time around.
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Old 03-05-2013, 06:55 PM   #18
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Re: My 4 yo excluded from a party

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I'll come sit in the corner with you. We do the same around here. I see my job as a parent to help my children learn to deal with hurt and disappointment. I can't fix the world for them, but I can help them deal with it.

That said. I like cake and make cakes and baked treats just for fun. No occasion needed.
Glad I'm not alone in the meanie corner!

We have lots of cakes and treats, yummy desserts! It's not so much that I wouldn't make the cake, but I wouldn't turn it into a "we didn't get invited so we had our own party" party or anything like that - just a yummy dessert.

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I'm kind of surprised at some of these answers. Yes, life isn't fair. But when life throws something unfair and crappy at you do you not take solace in your husband or your friends? Have you never gone to dinner, had drinks, snuggled on the couch or whatever after something bummed you out?
Sure, I guess, though not after just being bummed out but when major things have happened.
But I don't throw a party for myself, DH, or the kids when things don't go our way. Not getting your own way, that's just something you gotta get used to. It's a daily occurrence in life... can't throw a party every night.

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I told my daughter a "secret": the last time I made that cake recipe was for her 1st birthday, and it was nice having her make it with me this time around.
That's sweet!
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Old 03-05-2013, 07:00 PM   #19
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Re: My 4 yo excluded from a party

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hungry Caterpillar View Post
I'm kind of surprised at some of these answers. Yes, life isn't fair. But when life throws something unfair and crappy at you do you not take solace in your husband or your friends? Have you never gone to dinner, had drinks, snuggled on the couch or whatever after something bummed you out?

Danielle, I'm glad you baked her a cake. Maybe it turned into a Life Lessons party. That's okay.
I totally agree. She is only 4 for crying out loud! She has PLENTY of years to learn that life isn't fair.
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Old 03-05-2013, 07:12 PM   #20
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Re: My 4 yo excluded from a party

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I guess I've had the feeling .. the feeling like you've been punched in the gut because what you thought was one way actually is quite different. It was at those times that I wanted my mom, probably because she was kind and gentle to me when that kind of thing happened. It may be life, but my 4 year old is just learning it.

We had the cake tonight and it was really good. I told my daughter a "secret": the last time I made that cake recipe was for her 1st birthday, and it was nice having her make it with me this time around.
I think we may have a misunderstanding here. It is entirely possible to explain that life is unfair with love and compassion. Just because we wouldn't make a replacement activity of a similar flavor, doesn't mean we cold heartedly tell our kiddos, "Life sucks. Suck it up, buttercup." We sympathize. We hug. We snuggle. We validate those hurt feelings. And we reassure the kids that life does go on and that it's not necessarily a sign of how the friendship is really viewed. (And if a few years older, we remind that it can sometimes be good to know how you truly rank in your friends' lives.) We reassure that it doesn't change our love for them.

I do seek solace and comfort in my family-but not in food or drinks or buying something special for myself as a PP suggested.
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