Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-05-2013, 07:14 PM   #21
danielle's Avatar
danielle
Registered Users
Formerly: d*****
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Orchard Park, WNY
Posts: 9,377
My Mood:
Quote:
Originally Posted by canadianbakers
Sure, I guess, though not after just being bummed out but when major things have happened.
But I don't throw a party for myself, DH, or the kids when things don't go our way. Not getting your own way, that's just something you gotta get used to. It's a daily occurrence in life... can't throw a party every night.
You know, you're starting to sound judgy and I'm getting a little annoyed. This WAS major for my 4 year old. I asked for advice about what other helpful things I could say to my daughter and whether to make the cake. I think I understand where you're coming from at this point.

Advertisement

__________________
Danielle, Nick, Gigi ('08) and William ('11)
Happy Family
danielle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-05-2013, 07:18 PM   #22
Hungry Caterpillar's Avatar
Hungry Caterpillar
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Southern California
Posts: 5,262
Re: My 4 yo excluded from a party

Quote:
Originally Posted by canadianbakers View Post


Sure, I guess, though not after just being bummed out but when major things have happened.
But I don't throw a party for myself, DH, or the kids when things don't go our way. Not getting your own way, that's just something you gotta get used to. It's a daily occurrence in life... can't throw a party every night.
Isn't not getting invited to a party at four years old a major thing in her life, at that age?

This is all about her perspective. At four years old, that's heartbreak.

I didn't quote Melissa, but I mean going to dinner and drinks or whatnot as an enjoyable activity to pursue and take the mind out of the trench. As an adult, I enjoy quiet dinners and drinks with my husband without little people's sticky hands and whines. At four years old cake at a party is a special event to look forward to. All similar shades.
__________________
Andrea
Mama to B and E, Wife to E
Parenting with Hugs and Terror since 2011
Hungry Caterpillar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-05-2013, 07:39 PM   #23
mcpforever's Avatar
mcpforever
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Bama
Posts: 11,738
My Mood:
Re: My 4 yo excluded from a party

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hungry Caterpillar View Post
Isn't not getting invited to a party at four years old a major thing in her life, at that age?

This is all about her perspective. At four years old, that's heartbreak.

I didn't quote Melissa, but I mean going to dinner and drinks or whatnot as an enjoyable activity to pursue and take the mind out of the trench. As an adult, I enjoy quiet dinners and drinks with my husband without little people's sticky hands and whines. At four years old cake at a party is a special event to look forward to. All similar shades.
I do agree that at 4 years old it's a pretty big deal. Is it weird that I also try to teach my kids perspective? As in, yes, it's a big deal to you now, and it hurts, but in the grand scheme of things, it's really not a huge deal.

Dinner and drinks as a general destressor, yes. As a direct reaction to a single event, no. And definitely not as a replacement for something similar I was missing out on.

ETA: Don't misinterpret me as saying that the OP was somehow wrong for baking a cake with her daughter. I think it's great that she put the focus on her daughter and HER birthday memories. I love baking with my kids and for my kids. I don't need an occasion other than, "I felt like making a cake/batch of cookies today, so I did!"
__________________
Melissa-Wife, mother to DS 4/02 and DD 4/07, DS 7/08 DD 7/13
ISO: my lost shaker of salt

Last edited by mcpforever; 03-05-2013 at 07:41 PM.
mcpforever is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-05-2013, 07:48 PM   #24
Hungry Caterpillar's Avatar
Hungry Caterpillar
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Southern California
Posts: 5,262
Re: My 4 yo excluded from a party

Quote:
Originally Posted by mcpforever View Post
I do agree that at 4 years old it's a pretty big deal. Is it weird that I also try to teach my kids perspective? As in, yes, it's a big deal to you now, and it hurts, but in the grand scheme of things, it's really not a huge deal.

Dinner and drinks as a general destressor, yes. As a direct reaction to a single event, no. And definitely not as a replacement for something similar I was missing out on.

ETA: Don't misinterpret me as saying that the OP was somehow wrong for baking a cake with her daughter. I think it's great that she put the focus on her daughter and HER birthday memories. I love baking with my kids and for my kids. I don't need an occasion other than, "I felt like making a cake/batch of cookies today, so I did!"
It's not weird to teach your kids perspective. Perspective is important. I agree with you. Don't misinterpret me, either, that if my car gets rear-ended I'm at a ten course tasting menu with my husband or purchasing a new, un-dented car.

My personal opinion is that at that age it's okay to temper heartbreak a little bit with the enticement of something a little bit special to take the edge off. It's okay to parent differently. Offering up a cake and some special Mommy time is an awesome way to go about it.
__________________
Andrea
Mama to B and E, Wife to E
Parenting with Hugs and Terror since 2011
Hungry Caterpillar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-05-2013, 08:04 PM   #25
jam's mum's Avatar
jam's mum
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,522
Re: My 4 yo excluded from a party

Also? I bet the poor thing felt unloved, unspecial, not having received an invitation. Emma/Emma's mother either wanted to hurt her, didn't care if she hurt her, or didn't realise she had feelings that would be hurt.

Having your mum take the time and effort to bake a cake with you after that kind of hurt means that a. you *do* have feelings that are important, and b. that you *are* loved and special.

We often talk about natural consequences for bad behaviour here, but I think Danielle's response to her daughter was brilliant for giving a kind of "natural remedy" to the specific pain her daughter was feeling.
__________________
Mama to my sweetheart, Jamila (5/2011); wife to my mensch, Josh. Eleanor to you
jam's mum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-05-2013, 08:54 PM   #26
Sarah-B's Avatar
Sarah-B
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,705
Aww so sad hugs

Just to stick it to the mother of Emma I would go buy a cheap gift and say hey dd wants to come give Emma her bday present when would be a good time? I asked dd when Emma was having her party but she said she Didnt get an invite so I am not sure when is good.
Sarah-B is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-05-2013, 08:58 PM   #27
Sarah-B's Avatar
Sarah-B
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,705
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah-B
Aww so sad hugs

Just to stick it to the mother of Emma I would go buy a cheap gift and say hey dd wants to come give Emma her bday present when would be a good time? I asked dd when Emma was having her party but she said she Didnt get an invite so I am not sure when is good.
Just reread this and it sounds mean. Maybe I wouldn't do this. But in my head it sounded great! Lol
Sarah-B is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-05-2013, 09:18 PM   #28
amandajiggles's Avatar
amandajiggles
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Niagara Falls, ON
Posts: 740
My Mood:
Re: My 4 yo excluded from a party

I think if she is sad abiut not being invited, AND Emma is a friend, she can make her a card and give her a small gift and wish her a happy birthday. She can even tell Emma that she is sad that she won't be at her party and that she hopes she has a nice birthday anyways.

FWIW though, I got invited to Lindsay's party, because all of the other girls were in my class when I was 4 or 5. I worshipped the ground she walked on, and spent every recess with her and all of the other girls. Then, at the indoor mini putt game had to listen to Lindsay yelling and crying to her Mom that she didn't like me, and wanted me to go home.I wouldn't remember not being invited to that party today, nor do I recall not being invited to others. But I do remember how horrible I felt that day. I hope she loved her cake. You are a sweet Mama. Like PP have mentioned, she has a whole life of disappointments ahead of her. Why let a birthday party bring her down?
__________________
**Amanda** EBF'ing, CDing, Co-Sleeping, Semi-Crunchy WOHM
Mommy to DD Charlotte (Sept 2, 2009)
DD Caroline (Aug 19, 2012)
amandajiggles is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-05-2013, 09:32 PM   #29
Dory's Avatar
Dory
Registered Users
Formerly: Thing1 & Thing2
seller
seller
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 11,900
I haven't been there, but I've been close. And I would've baked the cake, too, and known my daughter would've only eaten the icing, but made the whole cake anyway. My daughter never went to daycare, and this is just her first year in public school (PreK). She just turned 5. Before this year, her friends were her little brother and the kids from church, most of whom are in daycare, together. My husband is friends with Jeremy's dad, so she got invited to his party. Her best friend from church, Isabella, had a party the next weekend. At Jeremy's party, I heard kids AND adults talking about Isabella's party coming up. After 30 minutes, I'd caught on, and I was so worried that my daughter would hear them! I was worried for the exact same situation as you have right now. Thank goodness, she never heard. Or I'd be busting out the Duncan Hines! :gasp:
__________________
I'm Incredible.
Mom to a girl - 6, a boy - 4, and Baby - 2
Dory is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-05-2013, 10:04 PM   #30
danielle's Avatar
danielle
Registered Users
Formerly: d*****
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Orchard Park, WNY
Posts: 9,377
My Mood:
Re: My 4 yo excluded from a party

Yeah, thanks. My daughter is in UPK too, 5 in September. She's going to have to deal with the hurt all over again tomorrow when she sees Emma again. I hope I gave her some good tools and memories today.
__________________
Danielle, Nick, Gigi ('08) and William ('11)
Happy Family
danielle is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.