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Old 03-28-2013, 03:04 AM   #1
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A child purposely peeing in bed at night Update #26

I have a 7yo DD. DH & I have been attempting to nighttime potty train her since she was 3.. We knew it might be longer than normal because she has a connective tissue disorder that ccauses her to be low muscle tone. We knew it might be hard to hold her pee completely while sleeping. So we waited until she was staying dry at night. She had juust turned 5 when we saw it happening. Then Nov 2010 happened. A little boy in her class. Molested her. I figured it out because she was having accidents at school, both pee and poop. And that was when she would soak her diapers every night. I took her to therapy and we figured we would give it some time. We moved in July 2011 and DH got depoyed in Oct 2011. I did not really try to get her to stay dry but strongly suggested it. No known tactics worked with her. DH came home and I got preg w/DS2. We told her that he would need her diapers and she really needed to work on staying dry. Well it worked for a whole days 3 weeks ago (DS2 is 8 weeks now). While I was preg and after he was born, there was absolutely nothing we could do, say, or offfer her to stay dry. We kne she would pee in her diaper when she was awake. Which led us to take aaway the diapers, thinking she would not pee in her bed while she was awake. Yeah, now she is doing it every time she is not in a diaper. DH and I thought last night that I would wake her up around 1 when I got up to nurse DS2 and have her pee. Then he would get her up at 4am. I went in at 1:15and she JUST peed in her bed while she was awake. Her excuse? She was too tired to get out of bed.

I will be calling a therapist for her tomorrow because I am at my wits end. I am so furious with her peeing in bed on purpose. I get accidents and totally get why it started in the first place. I was also abused and wet the bed until I was 11. But it was not every single night and it was while I was sleeping, NEVER awake. I do not know what to do with her anymore. I get that she is super sensitive, emotionally wise(had selective mutism) but this is no longer because of stress. How can peeing in bed and sitting in it for hours be something that one is ok with? No matter how stressed they are?

Please help with any insight. She cannot stay in her CD too much longer as she is already too big for them. I had to take out the 2nd diaper because the covers are getting too small. I refuse to buy her bigger covers (she is in an XXL) because this is not peeing while sleeping. And she is allergic to paper diapers. I just do not know what to do anymore.

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Old 03-28-2013, 03:23 AM   #2
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I think I would make her get up and put the sheets in the laundry and remake her own bed.

Hopefully a few nights of that and Shell decide its more work to do the laundry and fix her bed in the Night then just get up to Pee.

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Old 03-28-2013, 05:22 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by monkeymama07
I think I would make her get up and put the sheets in the laundry and remake her own bed.

Hopefully a few nights of that and Shell decide its more work to do the laundry and fix her bed in the Night then just get up to Pee.

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This is a good idea!

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Old 03-28-2013, 08:41 AM   #4
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Re: A child purposely peeing in bed at night

Yup, I'd make her deal with the laundry and mess herself - she'd have to strip her bedding, put it in the washer & dryer, make her bed afterwards, and clean the mattress if necessary.
DS1 still has troubles sometimes with bedwetting - his seems to be connected to growth spurts and sleeping really deeply? But even though it's totally an accident for him, he still has to help us deal with the mess and extra laundry/work.
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Old 03-28-2013, 09:25 AM   #5
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Not the exact same, but I had a foster kiddo about that age who could make himself vomit at will, and did so out of spite. Once we ruled out all medical issues, we started making him clean his own mess. The behavior came to a very abrupt halt
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Old 03-28-2013, 09:34 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by monkeymama07
I think I would make her get up and put the sheets in the laundry and remake her own bed.

Hopefully a few nights of that and Shell decide its more work to do the laundry and fix her bed in the Night then just get up to Pee.

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I agree with this idea, but I think you should do it in a very matter of fact, non-shaming way. Just calm and nonchalant about it. "Oh, you peed in the bed? Okay, this is how to handle that."

She may be doing it for some sort of payoff from you- like an angry or frustrated reaction. So take the emotion out of the equation and see how that goes.

You could also just let her wear a diaper to bed for as long as she wants and see if she eventually decides she doesn't want to anymore. Again, have her help with the laundry. This will give her control.
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Old 03-28-2013, 10:39 AM   #7
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I agree with this idea, but I think you should do it in a very matter of fact, non-shaming way. Just calm and nonchalant about it. "Oh, you peed in the bed? Okay, this is how to handle that."

She may be doing it for some sort of payoff from you- like an angry or frustrated reaction. So take the emotion out of the equation and see how that goes.

You could also just let her wear a diaper to bed for as long as she wants and see if she eventually decides she doesn't want to anymore. Again, have her help with the laundry. This will give her control.
Oh Yeah I would take a it happens no big deal approach.

She may not be really awake and realize Shes peeing until she is. Its hard to explain. Like When you say hey lets go to the bathroom her mind may registar oh yay I need to Pee and go even has she says no im too tired.....

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Old 03-28-2013, 02:28 PM   #8
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Re: A child purposely peeing in bed at night

Quote:
Originally Posted by mamaspice View Post
I agree with this idea, but I think you should do it in a very matter of fact, non-shaming way. Just calm and nonchalant about it. "Oh, you peed in the bed? Okay, this is how to handle that."

She may be doing it for some sort of payoff from you- like an angry or frustrated reaction. So take the emotion out of the equation and see how that goes.

You could also just let her wear a diaper to bed for as long as she wants and see if she eventually decides she doesn't want to anymore. Again, have her help with the laundry. This will give her control.
I completely agree with this. All of it, but especially the bolded.

Don't make it a battle. Don't guilt trip her. Just be calm and cool. State what needs to be done and nothing more. None of that "you know better" stuff. "Okay honey. Now we need to take off the sheets and wash them." Lead her through the process.
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Old 03-28-2013, 04:00 PM   #9
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Re: A child purposely peeing in bed at night

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Originally Posted by monkeymama07 View Post
I think I would make her get up and put the sheets in the laundry and remake her own bed.

Hopefully a few nights of that and Shell decide its more work to do the laundry and fix her bed in the Night then just get up to Pee.
completely agree.

it's a 'natural consequence'. Same idea with pee on the floor for a younger child. They get to stop and clean it up, then they realize it'd be quicker to just get up.

and I might put a plastic potty next to her bed as a compromise.. just to make it even easier to use a potty instead of peeing in the bed.
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Old 03-28-2013, 04:03 PM   #10
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Re: A child purposely peeing in bed at night

yup...any time my did this..I told him "okay time to clean it up" and would give him a soapy rag etc and have him scrub away..it really taught him cause and effect...If I do this..THIS is the outcome. Good luck!
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