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Old 03-28-2013, 09:41 AM   #1
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Help me fake a very serious illness

It completely disgusts me how much of a big deal my mil's birthday must be.

Her children want to buy her a $500 tablet for her birthday. Why? Because the 7" one she just got for Christmas (that one $300 that we contributed to) isn't good enough and she wants the 10" one. Now my sil is all grump because dh told her we would "only" contribute $30.

These kids went out and got her a professional cake made and we all have to be there to sing to her or it will be the end of the world.

This probably wouldn't bother me so much except let's look at what happened only last month.

My niece's 16th birthday: All she wants is for all of us to go out to dinner together. After waiting 30 minutes for a table my mil borrows sil's car and LEAVES stating she needs to check on grandma. She never comes back over the next two+ hours at the restaurant and doesn't answer phone calls.

My DH's birthday: My other sil planned my other niece's first birthday party on his birthday but mil says oh it's okay, come over tomorrow - I'll make you a cake and we'll sing. So we go there the next day and no one is home. Dh calls her and she's two hours away shopping. It's clear she has completely forgotten and no, she never made him a cake.

This woman is like a 55 year old princess BRAT and so that is why I need you guys to help me fake Ebola or something so I don't have to listen to her complain about how few gifts she got or how she would have preferred vanilla cake all night.

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Old 03-28-2013, 09:45 AM   #2
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Re: Help me fake a very serious illness

I would just fake morning sickness or a stomach virus. It doesn't need to be that serious to get out of a party.
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Old 03-28-2013, 09:48 AM   #3
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I'm local, I can fake mowing you over with my car. Fake blood entirely optional, but should you choose that route it's homemade with all natural red food coloring.
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Old 03-28-2013, 09:49 AM   #4
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She sounds like a real peach Good luck mama (:
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Old 03-28-2013, 09:50 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 3 ladybugs View Post
I would just fake morning sickness or a stomach virus. It doesn't need to be that serious to get out of a party.
I think anything short of a near death experience wouldn't be good enough for this woman lol
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Old 03-28-2013, 09:53 AM   #6
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Re: Help me fake a very serious illness

I'd just call and go on and on about how I was puking out both ends just hours ago.
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Old 03-28-2013, 09:56 AM   #7
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Re: Help me fake a very serious illness

My first thought was lyme disease, but I think it needs to be something contagious so she'll be like "stay away" so, maybe something like shingles? I know that normally affects an older population, but, it would be something you generally wouldn't see (on the side of the ribs, etc), it is really painful (both of my parents had it and said so) and it is really contagious. And, you can say, "yeah, my doc gave me a prescription, but he said I really can't be around anyone for X days because I'm so contagious"

ETA: My MIL is slightly like this and I find her trying, your MIL sounds like "sweet sixteen" for her lifetime. Ugh. So sorry.
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Last edited by JasmineMama; 03-28-2013 at 09:57 AM. Reason: Added more text.
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Old 03-28-2013, 09:57 AM   #8
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Re: Help me fake a very serious illness

Norovirus is going around...fake that. You feel like death has run you over.
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Old 03-28-2013, 09:58 AM   #9
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Re: Help me fake a very serious illness

Let's hook you up with some Walking Dead-worthy special effects makeup and send you to that party in style. Maybe even rig up a pump so you can projectile vomit all over the cake as she blows out her candles.
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Old 03-28-2013, 10:03 AM   #10
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Something involving explosive diarrhea would be good. No one wants to be at a poop party.
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