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Old 04-04-2013, 06:54 PM   #11
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Re: Mom admits she regrets having children.

I hate children. I have never related to children, not even when I was one. I had a breast reduction at 19 because I knew I wouldn't be breastfeeding because I would never have kids.

My daughter was a surprise. I bonded with her before she was born. I'm grateful that I had maternal instincts.

My sister does not want children. She is not maternal. She was afraid of my daughter until she could "do stuff" My sister is super smart though and isn't going to have children. She won't have children to please a husband. Having children to make someone else happy is wrong.

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Old 04-04-2013, 06:58 PM   #12
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Re: Mom admits she regrets having children.

Huxley, I'm glad you bonded!
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Old 04-04-2013, 07:02 PM   #13
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From what I've read, she's not the first or the last mother to feel that way. I do question the wisdom of sharing such feeling publicly. It has to hurt, even if her children are adults. Particularly because she has an adult child who is dependent on her for care. If your mother wasn't that crazy about taking care of you at 3 she's really got to be chaffing about taking care of you at 30.

On a related note- why do people always think women will change their minds about wanting kids? Some do I'm sure, but I've never actually met anyone who has. All the women I know who didn't want kids, still don't.
I'm one of those ones who never wanted kids. When DH and I met I told him I wasn't having any and he didn't want them either. Then I turns 28 and my clock started ticking and now I have two little monsters who I adore and makes life worth living.

This article makes me so sad for her kids. I'm sure there are a lot of people who regret having children but they still do their best and make thei kids feel loved. I can't imagine what it would do for your self esteem to read this article if it was about you. Honestly she sounds psychotic, to not be able to have empathy enough to know that sharing this feeling publicly is going to hurt her kids.
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Old 04-04-2013, 07:11 PM   #14
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She seems rather hypocritical. She wants her feelings to be accepted and yet she doesn't waste an opportunity to slam other people's decisions and question their true feelings.
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Old 04-04-2013, 07:11 PM   #15
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I'm the oldest of four, and about the time I left home at fifteen my mom openly told me that all four of us were mistakes and that she wished we'd never been born.
That was pretty much the end of the relationship... I haven't talk to her in years (for a long list of reasons). I don't understand why she had kids if she never wanted us.

I hope this woman's children can get passed it; especially since they are grown and not teenagers like I was.

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Old 04-04-2013, 07:14 PM   #16
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She seems rather hypocritical. She wants her feelings to be accepted and yet she doesn't waste an opportunity to slam other people's decisions and question their true feelings.
Yes, that is true. I noticed that as well. How can you be so "open minded" on the one hand and so judgmental on the other.

That is why I asked to avoid the mommy wars, because of her very prejudiced ideas on motherhood.
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Old 04-04-2013, 07:15 PM   #17
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Re: Mom admits she regrets having children.

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Originally Posted by Jleigh8289 View Post
I'm the oldest of four, and about the time I left home at fifteen my mom openly told me that all four of us were mistakes and that she wished we'd never been born.
That was pretty much the end of the relationship... I haven't talk to her in years (for a long list of reasons). I don't understand why she had kids if she never wanted us.

I hope this woman's children can get passed it; especially since they are grown and not teenagers like I was.

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Her daughter has MS, lives with her parents are relies on them for full time care. Which makes this article much more sadistic, in my opinion.
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Old 04-04-2013, 07:23 PM   #18
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Re: Mom admits she regrets having children.

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Originally Posted by Jleigh8289 View Post
I'm the oldest of four, and about the time I left home at fifteen my mom openly told me that all four of us were mistakes and that she wished we'd never been born.
That was pretty much the end of the relationship... I haven't talk to her in years (for a long list of reasons). I don't understand why she had kids if she never wanted us.

I hope this woman's children can get passed it; especially since they are grown and not teenagers like I was.

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I've been milling this over in my head again and again. If she talked to her children like your mother had, I would worry for the feelings of the children. However, if she sat them down and put it to them that it is something in her that is different to the norm and that she loves them despite her feelings of wishing she never did it.

I know this might sound silly, but you can go on holiday to Disney and have an okay time but wish you went to that place on the lake you went last year where you had a GREAT time. It does not mean you hate Disney or think it isn't a good holiday location, you just enjoyed the other place more. This is how I see what she's saying. I had an okay life with my kids, but I could have had a GREAT life without them.

I'd really like the newspaper to interview the children to see how they feel. They might be very understanding or they might be really hurt no matter how the news was told them.

I just hope that the article is not the first time they hear about it! That would be just bad.
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Old 04-04-2013, 07:25 PM   #19
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Re: Mom admits she regrets having children.

I question the wisdom of her decision to go public with this. Some things do not add value when shared and I worry this could affect her relationship with her children. It is ironic that she has such strong views of what makes a good mother that she found duty bound to adhere to, and yet, found no duty to even like her children. It is sad that a woman who treasures her solitude, seemingly above all else, has such a strong sense of duty to even be caretaker to her adult daughter with MS.
I think the biggest thing is never assuming someone will change their mind about children and to think through the consequences of agreeing to have children you don't want.
This reminds me of a friend with PPD, she did everything because she was supposed to and until she started meds 8 mo in she got absolutely no enjoy,net from her daughter and only did things out of obligation
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Old 04-04-2013, 07:29 PM   #20
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