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Old 04-04-2013, 07:41 PM   #21
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I've been milling this over in my head again and again. If she talked to her children like your mother had, I would worry for the feelings of the children. However, if she sat them down and put it to them that it is something in her that is different to the norm and that she loves them despite her feelings of wishing she never did it.

I know this might sound silly, but you can go on holiday to Disney and have an okay time but wish you went to that place on the lake you went last year where you had a GREAT time. It does not mean you hate Disney or think it isn't a good holiday location, you just enjoyed the other place more. This is how I see what she's saying. I had an okay life with my kids, but I could have had a GREAT life without them.

I'd really like the newspaper to interview the children to see how they feel. They might be very understanding or they might be really hurt no matter how the news was told them.

I just hope that the article is not the first time they hear about it! That would be just bad.
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Old 04-04-2013, 07:46 PM   #22
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Re: Mom admits she regrets having children.

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I'm the oldest of four, and about the time I left home at fifteen my mom openly told me that all four of us were mistakes and that she wished we'd never been born.
That was pretty much the end of the relationship... I haven't talk to her in years (for a long list of reasons). I don't understand why she had kids if she never wanted us.
This was my childhood too. I was a teenage oops and I've always know it. My siblings weren't her choice either. I don't know if they know they weren't wanted.

There isn't a day that goes by that I wish my mother had given me up for adoption.
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Old 04-04-2013, 07:51 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by vatblack

I've been milling this over in my head again and again. If she talked to her children like your mother had, I would worry for the feelings of the children. However, if she sat them down and put it to them that it is something in her that is different to the norm and that she loves them despite her feelings of wishing she never did it.

I know this might sound silly, but you can go on holiday to Disney and have an okay time but wish you went to that place on the lake you went last year where you had a GREAT time. It does not mean you hate Disney or think it isn't a good holiday location, you just enjoyed the other place more. This is how I see what she's saying. I had an okay life with my kids, but I could have had a GREAT life without them.

I'd really like the newspaper to interview the children to see how they feel. They might be very understanding or they might be really hurt no matter how the news was told them.

I just hope that the article is not the first time they hear about it! That would be just bad.
This is my thought on it.
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Old 04-04-2013, 10:37 PM   #24
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Re: Mom admits she regrets having children.

She's very British. I bet her kids are fine with it. She sounds very matter of fact rather like my mum and her family (who are also British). I can totally see my aunt saying something similar and that wouldn't take anything away from the great mum that she has been.

My uncle and the woman he married never had kids and it drove my (british) granny NUTS. She was ALWAYS going on about. The wife didn't change her name either so all we ever heard about was how he had married a 'feminist' and this was in 1982!

I think it's wonderful that not having kids is a viable, respected, option now (at least here). No one even blinks if someone says they don't want kids.

It's shame the woman in the article didn't find herself a job at least part time. It might have let her have a semblance of the life she wanted and then feel a bit less resentful. But like all of us, she did what she thought best at the time.
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Old 04-04-2013, 10:44 PM   #25
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She's very British. I bet her kids are fine with it. She sounds very matter of fact rather like my mum and her family (who are also British). I can totally see my aunt saying something similar and that wouldn't take anything away from the great mum that she has been.

My uncle and the woman he married never had kids and it drove my (british) granny NUTS. She was ALWAYS going on about. The wife didn't change her name either so all we ever heard about was how he had married a 'feminist' and this was in 1982!

I think it's wonderful that not having kids is a viable, respected, option now (at least here). No one even blinks if someone says they don't want kids.

It's shame the woman in the article didn't find herself a job at least part time. It might have let her have a semblance of the life she wanted and then feel a bit less resentful. But like all of us, she did what she thought best at the time.
I lived in Britain and many South African traits are a bit British too, so I interpreted it kind of like this too. Good for your Aunt.

My grandmother was on my mom and dad to get married till the day she went senile (and then still on "clear" days). They just lived together all their "married" life. That arrangement started in the early 70s so my mom and dad were quite the family scandal!
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Old 04-04-2013, 11:02 PM   #26
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Re: Mom admits she regrets having children.

You know, some of the things she says I can sort of relate to. I kind of wanted kids but not really. Of course now that I have them I wouldn't change it for the world but there are times when I wish it was just my husband and I. This last pregnancy I felt very detached from the baby for the first few months. The closer towards the end the more excited and nervous I became. That could have just been me being scared because I would have 3 kiddos who depended on me. Although to leave your kid at the bakery and not even become frantic I don't understand. I understand to a certain extent why people don't want kids. That being said, I am pretty sure I'm done having babies. I'm ready for the next stage in my life and I'm enjoying #3's babyhood but I look forward to the next chapter.

Tonight my mom took the two older kids and we went out for dinner with #3 and I honestly wondered why we didn't just stop at 1 so much easier.
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Old 04-04-2013, 11:56 PM   #27
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I was one who didn't want kids at all cause who wants a peeing, pooping monster to ruin your body while pregnant & then have to be took care of 24/7. I was never maternal my cousin had a baby & would want me to hold it I would til it'd squirm I'd say get this thing back. Lol! Then I turned 28 I said if I'm gonna do this I'd like to before I'm 35 so I quit protecting 3 months later was preggo & now you die if you mess with my baby. Lol! I went from one spectrum to the other. Went from gross diapers & crying to a cosleeping mom who has attachment issues to my dd I blame her for it but its me lol! I didn't enjoy my pregnancy at all cause of being swollen & ended up with a horrible delivery & a baby born 2 months early but once I was done with that I was in love well I was in love the day I found out I just wish I could've enjoyed being pregnant oh well it was the plan for me so she's here & healthy now & I love being a mom & not bc its my duty.
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Old 04-05-2013, 01:36 AM   #28
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Re: Mom admits she regrets having children.

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I just feel sad. Sad for her that she could not find joy in motherhood, and that she seems to feel cheated out of her personal life. Sad for her son, who now knows that his mother feels that his existence is the worst mistake of her life. No one should have to live with that.
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Those poor children.
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Her daughter has MS, lives with her parents are relies on them for full time care. Which makes this article much more sadistic, in my opinion.

This

You can think and feel whatever you want but sometimes you need to keep you trap shut. I feel that is what this woman should have done.
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Old 04-05-2013, 04:36 AM   #29
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Re: Mom admits she regrets having children.

To me, she sounds like a strong introvert who never/rarely gave herself permission to be introverted in the children's presence. Instead of ensuring her own sanity by refueling and recharging each day, it sounds like she forced herself to press on and muck through. Instead of working to figure out how to transition into "mommy" while still retaining and remaining "me", she just kind of resigned herself to, "I knew I wouldn't like this so ill just do my duty."

Reminds me of women who hate sex and so grit their teeth and just get through their "marital duty" (prob more common 50 yrs ago when divorce wasn't such an option), rather than working diligently to find ways to make it pleasurable and pleasant.

It makes me sad for her and even more sad for her children.
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Old 04-05-2013, 05:29 AM   #30
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Great share!


I never understood the parents who got the rush right when the baby came out. It took me much longer. I am a sahm and wanted kids...we all take to it differently and aren't alone in our challenges.
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