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Old 04-07-2013, 09:35 AM   #11
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Re: Tantrum advice please.

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Originally Posted by NotLad View Post
I agree. You need a child psychologist. He may not be special needs, but you do not have the right tools to set appropriate boundaries with this kid.

This has gone on long enough that he knows that this behavior is acceptable. He's pushed, you've relented. He's pushed more, you've relented more and now you're in this paralyzing situation.

A child psychologist is going to give you the tools you need to get you, as the parent, back in charge and the ability to set appropriate boundaries.
I don't think that I understand your post. How have I relented? He has not gotten what he wanted. The tantrum did not get enable him to get candy, toy, etc. I have ignored the tantrum to the best of my ability in order to not give attention. If i were to remove him from the situation immediately how would I get my groceries home? I am not trying to be rude but i guess that I just don't get it. What do you think that I should do differently while in the store or check out line?

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Old 04-07-2013, 10:00 AM   #12
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Re: Tantrum advice please.

What types of positive reinforcement have you already tried?

You might try something like this - when you first get to the store, let him pick one thing that he would like to have, then during the shopping trip watch him for good moments and have a goal. Tell him something like this "You need to earn 10 checkmarks in order to get your ____, you get checkmarks when you are being good, like...." then throughout the trip you watch him super carefully and give him the checkmarks (or whatever you decide) as often as you can when he's doing a good job. The first few trips I would try to make sure he earns it, recognizing even the slightest positive things. Then eventually you make them harder to earn, etc. And once you have seen some improvement, then you start to add that he might lose a checkmark if he has a tantrum, etc. But don't make it all or nothing at the beginning, having a tantrum shouldn't be the focus, but rather the benefit of being good should be. Does that make sense?

When I substitute taught I did this with sticky notes on the kids desks and they were earning stars. It works A LOT better than a 3 strike type system because in those cases when kids have their 3 strikes they just give up and stop trying, therefore making the rest of the day horrible. This way, you are constantly rewarding the positive and they keep trying the whole time. So even if he had a tantrum he might still be able to earn his reward, so instead of having 3-4 tantrums, he might try harder and only have 1-2.

If you think this would work but it's confusing, you can PM me and I'll try to explain better.
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Old 04-07-2013, 10:01 AM   #13
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If I were you I would let him know expectations prior to going in store and what consequences will be. Tantrum?

Time out in the store, on a wall, in front if everyone. I will happily explain to everyone that my son is being disrespectful and that I apologize for his rude behavior.

Get home, he must sit in room or whatever.


Read love and logic.

I have a time out spot. In every store.


My kids are great. Normal and have tantrums. Rarely out cause mommy doesn't do that.

It's not uncommon for me to remove them from my vehicle to end a tantrum. I've pulled over into a residential area and removed my second son several times. Telling him he is free to have a tantrum. But not in my car and not where I am going. Lol.

I'm solo parenting 75% of the year. And always take my kids to the grocery store ect.

I will not and never will accept my child throwing himself on the ground or anything like that without having a consequence. I'm pretty hard core though. My sanity is a fine line. And as much as instant parenting and reactions exhaust me. It's the way I keep things balanced
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Old 04-07-2013, 10:04 AM   #14
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Re: Tantrum advice please.

Honestly, he may never have a tantrum in Kindergarten. From my experience as a teacher, nanny, and mother... kids generally don't have tantrums for babysitters, teachers ect..they save them for moms and dads.
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Old 04-07-2013, 10:43 AM   #15
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Re: Tantrum advice please.

I think that this might be my problem. I get into "get in and get out" shopping mode and start ignoring ALL behaviors(both good, normal, and bad). I do not want to reward with a toy but I could focus on giving stickers until he has earned a trip to the park with just me or something like that.

Everytime before we go into a store we go over how he and his sister should act and that they should listen and behave in the store.

I do plan on talking to the pediatrician to find out if he is within normal behavior range or appears to have any warning signs.

I am hopeful that it is just a behavior that occurs with me. I do not know though because he has not been put in day care or left with sitters. Not because of his behavior but because of money and the fact that I am here to watch him all the time so a sitter just wasn't needed or an option.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MIpiccolo44 View Post
What types of positive reinforcement have you already tried?

You might try something like this - when you first get to the store, let him pick one thing that he would like to have, then during the shopping trip watch him for good moments and have a goal. Tell him something like this "You need to earn 10 checkmarks in order to get your ____, you get checkmarks when you are being good, like...." then throughout the trip you watch him super carefully and give him the checkmarks (or whatever you decide) as often as you can when he's doing a good job. The first few trips I would try to make sure he earns it, recognizing even the slightest positive things. Then eventually you make them harder to earn, etc. And once you have seen some improvement, then you start to add that he might lose a checkmark if he has a tantrum, etc. But don't make it all or nothing at the beginning, having a tantrum shouldn't be the focus, but rather the benefit of being good should be. Does that make sense?

When I substitute taught I did this with sticky notes on the kids desks and they were earning stars. It works A LOT better than a 3 strike type system because in those cases when kids have their 3 strikes they just give up and stop trying, therefore making the rest of the day horrible. This way, you are constantly rewarding the positive and they keep trying the whole time. So even if he had a tantrum he might still be able to earn his reward, so instead of having 3-4 tantrums, he might try harder and only have 1-2.

If you think this would work but it's confusing, you can PM me and I'll try to explain better.
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Old 04-07-2013, 10:55 AM   #16
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Re: Tantrum advice please.

First, I just don't take my kids to the store if I can at all avoid it. I got shopping on Sunday mornings when DH is home. I leave all three young kids with him. I will take them all if I have to pop in for something quickly, but 99% of the time, I leave the kids with him, I don't care that he is gone 12 hrs a day during the week. That just means he needs to take advantage of his time home to spend it with the kids, right:-)

Second, I do "time outs" where ever we happen to be. Grocery store, I have even pulled the car over and set my 4 yr old in time out in a parking lot when she acted up in the car.
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Old 04-07-2013, 03:19 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by happysmileylady
First, I just don't take my kids to the store if I can at all avoid it. I got shopping on Sunday mornings when DH is home. I leave all three young kids with him. I will take them all if I have to pop in for something quickly, but 99% of the time, I leave the kids with him, I don't care that he is gone 12 hrs a day during the week. That just means he needs to take advantage of his time home to spend it with the kids, right:-)

Second, I do "time outs" where ever we happen to be. Grocery store, I have even pulled the car over and set my 4 yr old in time out in a parking lot when she acted up in the car.
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Old 04-07-2013, 04:38 PM   #18
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Re: Tantrum advice please.

I think it might be time to talk to a psychologist. 5 is too old for those type of tantrums.

My almost 4yr old still has them and frankly it's getting old. What I find works best for her is what I call 'military mommy'. There are rules, there are NO exceptions EVER and there are immediate consequences. The no exceptions part seems especially important because if there ever is a glimmer of hope she'll get her way she'll latch onto it !! (she sounds like some kind of psychopath but perhaps all 3yr olds are... )

I find if I have a whole day alone with her I can get her back on track when things start to get bad. DH is the worst because he can't handle the screaming and gives in every time.

But I bet Kindergarten will be just fine. They save their absurd behaviour for us!
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Old 04-07-2013, 06:06 PM   #19
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Re: Tantrum advice please.

I tried something new today with him. I made him and his sister share a pair of kids scissors on purpose. I sat there and made sure to mention when one turn was up and to give the scissors to the other person because it was their turn. If I can make sharing situations etc. at home in a controlled environment maybe he will do better in August.
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Old 04-07-2013, 06:14 PM   #20
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Re: Tantrum advice please.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MIpiccolo44 View Post
What types of positive reinforcement have you already tried?

You might try something like this - when you first get to the store, let him pick one thing that he would like to have, then during the shopping trip watch him for good moments and have a goal. Tell him something like this "You need to earn 10 checkmarks in order to get your ____, you get checkmarks when you are being good, like...." then throughout the trip you watch him super carefully and give him the checkmarks (or whatever you decide) as often as you can when he's doing a good job. The first few trips I would try to make sure he earns it, recognizing even the slightest positive things. Then eventually you make them harder to earn, etc. And once you have seen some improvement, then you start to add that he might lose a checkmark if he has a tantrum, etc. But don't make it all or nothing at the beginning, having a tantrum shouldn't be the focus, but rather the benefit of being good should be. Does that make sense?

When I substitute taught I did this with sticky notes on the kids desks and they were earning stars. It works A LOT better than a 3 strike type system because in those cases when kids have their 3 strikes they just give up and stop trying, therefore making the rest of the day horrible. This way, you are constantly rewarding the positive and they keep trying the whole time. So even if he had a tantrum he might still be able to earn his reward, so instead of having 3-4 tantrums, he might try harder and only have 1-2.

If you think this would work but it's confusing, you can PM me and I'll try to explain better.
This is a great idea. I don't think your son is special needs. Just very strong willed you said that he gets very angry when he is loses control of a situation. A reward system will put him back in control. I think you will see a huge improvement.
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