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Old 04-07-2013, 09:00 PM   #21
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Re: Tantrum advice please.

Thankfully, ds still still wants to please and get rewarded for doing something right. I am going to try and use that. After having a horrible time in the store the other day I told him and his sister to get in the car while I put groceries in the car. I went to buckle him in after loading the groceries and he had already buckled himself into his car seat(which is a skill we have not been working on). He said "look mom" and after half a second of complete shock I said great job and gave him a high five. He was so proud of himself.

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Old 07-31-2013, 12:14 AM   #22
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Re: Tantrum advice please.

I truly believe tantrums are a result of not getting their needs met. So when DD starts to tantrum I try to figure out why its happening. Are you hungry? Tier? need to be held? board?
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Old 07-31-2013, 06:59 AM   #23
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Originally Posted by lovehope1989
I truly believe tantrums are a result of not getting their needs met. So when DD starts to tantrum I try to figure out why its happening. Are you hungry? Tier? need to be held? board?
I think many times this is true. However, it is also often being upset that I won't let him play with something that isn't age appropriate. Scissors, knives, a sharpie...those kind of things. And redirection only angers him more as he knows you are trying to distract him from his object of desire.
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Old 07-31-2013, 07:30 AM   #24
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Originally Posted by betty_joanne

I don't think that I understand your post. How have I relented? He has not gotten what he wanted. The tantrum did not get enable him to get candy, toy, etc. I have ignored the tantrum to the best of my ability in order to not give attention. If i were to remove him from the situation immediately how would I get my groceries home? I am not trying to be rude but i guess that I just don't get it. What do you think that I should do differently while in the store or check out line?
At this point I'm not sure that ignoring will work. He is just going to escalate until you acknowledge him. And you are correct, he is trying to control you/the situation.

You need immediate and very clear punishments. Time outs or going home. Get timeouts well established at home first if you can.

I can say that after watching a friend of mine beg/plead/cry for candy in the checkout when I was 5, I tried the same with my mother (apparently the thought had never occurred to me before). My mother literally took the cart out of line, abandoned it at the customer service desk and dragged me to the car. We drove home in silence and didn't buy groceries that day. I never did that again. I learned that my mother was the boss and not to cross her.

How will you get your groceries home? You won't. Try again the next day. Send DH if there is something REALLY important like milk or eggs to the convenience store.

And you may want to see a therapist. It has to stop because his behavior is effecting your whole family.
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Old 07-31-2013, 08:00 AM   #25
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That sounds extreme, so sorry mama. My DD2 is much more of a challenge than my DD1, and I often find myself struggling because things that worked so painlessly with DD1 don't work on DD2 AT ALL!

I agree you may have to work hard to set boundaries. Like leaving the store at the first tantrum and going straight home for time out. Also try validating his feelings, and see if you can work on healthier ways to express them. "I know you're mad because X, but screaming is nor nice. Its better to X". That helps my second a lot.

And if its really interfering with your life and pretty frequent, professional help like a counselor or behavior therapist may really make a bug difference in giving you both more coping tools, KWIM?

Do you have reason to suspect anything else is going on, like sensory issues?
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Old 07-31-2013, 08:29 AM   #26
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Re: Tantrum advice please.

School is starting soon. How has the summer gone? Any improvements?
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