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Old 04-15-2013, 12:29 PM   #21
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Re: upper 30s or almost 40, or 40+ and pregnant

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I really HATE that *so* *many* *women* in my youth and young adulthood told me to wait until my 30s to start having children. I never once heard that it gets harder in your 30s until I actually started TTC when I was 30. All I ever heard was that it was irresponsible to have children in your 20s, that I would forever regret it, that I would waste my youth and body taking care of babies. *sigh*

Not that it's THEIR fault that we haven't been able to have children yet, and I don't know whether or not we'd be having these struggles if we started at age 25. Who knows.

But I really feel like my prime years are lost. :-(


We wanted to wait, as we felt not ready when we were first married at 22. My Mom was super fertile and had my brother and I before she was 20. I had no reason to think there would be any issues with getting pregnant.

When we finally decided to start our family, it took 5 years until we succeeded. I was 33 when DS was born. Who knows if we would have struggled as long if we had started earlier.

We just had DS#2. I am 39. We had actually given up on the possibility of having another child.

I am totally exhausted, and I can't help but think I would have faired better when I was younger.

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Old 04-15-2013, 12:31 PM   #22
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Re: upper 30s or almost 40, or 40+ and pregnant

I think the exhaustion eases up the older they get. Lol!
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Old 04-15-2013, 12:40 PM   #23
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Re: upper 30s or almost 40, or 40+ and pregnant

Quote:
Originally Posted by ardeur View Post
I really HATE that *so* *many* *women* in my youth and young adulthood told me to wait until my 30s to start having children. I never once heard that it gets harder in your 30s until I actually started TTC when I was 30. All I ever heard was that it was irresponsible to have children in your 20s, that I would forever regret it, that I would waste my youth and body taking care of babies. *sigh*

Not that it's THEIR fault that we haven't been able to have children yet, and I don't know whether or not we'd be having these struggles if we started at age 25. Who knows.

But I really feel like my prime years are lost. :-(
I'm so sorry you are struggling with waiting and TTC. . You may never know if it has anything to do with your age and that's frustrating. I can say I was sexually active throughout my 20s and never a single pregnancy scare or failure of birth control so I don't think I'm hyper fertile or anything. Each of my children were conceived within the first 3 months of trying despite my age so for some people age is just a number. GL on your journey to parenthood and don't give up hope. I am expecting twins at 38!
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Old 04-15-2013, 12:55 PM   #24
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I just remember getting a checkup at my OB office to make sure I had a clean bill of health at 37. I wanted to make sure everything was ok for my second pregnancy. My first was conceived at 34 but I was still AMA because she was due after I turned 35. Anyway, my OB informed me that my "back was against the wall" for this pregnancy because of my age. I remember being angry about her saying that because I never voiced concerns about our fertility. Turns out I was 5 days pregnant as I sat in that chair. That doc had some nerve, imo.
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Old 04-15-2013, 01:29 PM   #25
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My mom had me at 39 (I was a surprise). I have sisters 18, 15, and 13 years older then me. She loved me to pieces but honestly never did anything really or participated in anything for school. She never went to parent teacher conferences or anything because she said she had already done them and knew what they were going to say. I watched a lot of tv and was bought whatever I wanted when I wanted it but didn't get quality time I wanted.

I am not saying older moms are like this at all my daughter has friends whose parents didn't have them until late 40's and they are awesome. I had my dd at 23 and am about to have my second at 30 and want to crawl in a hole haha. It all depends on the person.
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Old 04-15-2013, 03:33 PM   #26
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I'm the 4th of 5, my parents conceived my baby brother when I was 8, he was a total surprise.

My mom had him shortly after 38 and my dad was 43. My mom never mentioned it being a difficult pregnancy but she was seriously in the best shape of her life when she got pregnant.

As for raising him, his life has definitely been very different than the other 4 of us, my parents were wiser in some ways and lazier in others, I don't think he learned all the same skills we did but the kid is a gem and he's a wonderful young adult at 20 years now.

I would say my parents seemed a lot more tired once I left the house but in other ways little brother kept them young and in tune with the changing world around them.

My one dislike about it all is that I sometimes feel like the grandchildren were a little cheated during his teen years, hard to play parent and grandparent at the same time. But I also believe God sends children at specific times for specific reasons. Our family is by no means dysfunctional but that kid is truly the glue that keeps us firmly connected.

I had my first at 22 and I'll be just shy of 30 having #4 this October, we are not sure if its our last but I know I don't want to be having any babies past 35 for personal reasons.
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Old 04-15-2013, 03:57 PM   #27
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I had our first at 20 and our fifth at 37. I've never had any issues with fertility or difficult pregnancies. I don't feel that age has really factored into parenting in any negative way, if anything quite the opposite. I am a far more relaxed and confident parent in my old age, although admittedly I have easy babies/children. I think any difficulties I do have are solely related to having five of them.

You know what though, talk to me in 10 years. Its all conjecture and talking out of my a$$ at this point. I may be a ragged old hen at 47 with a ten year old!

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Old 04-15-2013, 09:53 PM   #28
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Re: upper 30s or almost 40, or 40+ and pregnant

My good friend just had Mirena fail her at 39. She was TIRED the whole pregnancy. Her other kiddos were 7 and 5, and she's a middle school teacher, so there was no "leisurely nap" available. She was much more sore than her other pregnancies when she was younger.

But, she also feels like she knows more and is more emotionally ready to parent now that she's had a lot more life experience.
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Old 04-15-2013, 10:03 PM   #29
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Re: upper 30s or almost 40, or 40+ and pregnant

You never really know how time will play out, so I genuinely believe it's best to follow your heart. My mom was young when my sister and I were born (26 and 30), and apparently her and my dad discussed another when she was around 38/39, but ultimately decided against it because of all the fears of having a baby so "late" in life. Well, ultimately they don't regret anything but at the same time, at age 50, my parents are in better shape than ever and incredibly energetic and healthy. They're enjoying grandkids now instead, but ultimately they would have been perfectly able to parent a young child in their 40's.

I really don't get the stigma against old moms. My grandparents may have been born to young parents, but their parents also died younger. Having a baby at age 40 when people are regularly living well past 80 should not be condemned.
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Old 04-15-2013, 11:03 PM   #30
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I had my first at 33 and my 3rd and last at 43. Sometimes I wish I were younger and then I would have more but I don't feel like I would have been the parent I am now in my 20s. Plus it would have been with xh

I don't feel all that old. My 3yo is exhausting but so was my 13yo when she was 3. I did lose that baby weight a lot faster then though!
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