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Old 04-15-2013, 09:00 PM   #1
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Unhappy Step kids

I get so angry at my step kids, I hate being around them so I withdraw. My friends say i really hate their mother and the kids remind me of her so I'm just projecting. Anyone have advice to fix me? I HATE feeling like his i hate being angry all the time and I hate that even them looking at my new baby makes me cringe. Please help.

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Old 04-15-2013, 09:10 PM   #2
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Re: Step kids

What does your spouse say? And how old are the step kids?
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Old 04-15-2013, 09:17 PM   #3
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I'd say for the health of your family you need counseling and to consider family counseling.
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Old 04-15-2013, 09:46 PM   #4
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Re: Step kids

It sounds like you are projecting anger and resentment (just a guess) on the kids. I agree with the above poster, you really could benefit from counseling. If you go by yourself at first you don't have to tell your husband exactly why you are going, and then eventually you can progress to family counseling if necessary.
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Old 04-15-2013, 10:01 PM   #5
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Re: Step kids

How old are they and do they blame you for their parents not being together?
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Old 04-15-2013, 10:45 PM   #6
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Re: Step kids

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Originally Posted by happysmileylady View Post
What does your spouse say? And how old are the step kids?
They are 6 and 3. He understands which is why he takes them out a lot and gives me space. I am NEVER EVER EVER mean to them, I am AWESOME at internalizing lol. They love me so much, tell me all the time and I say it back BC I know it's the right thing to do. They also say they want to live here and not with their mother and I agree, it would be best for them. On the surface I am an incredible stepmom but inside I am the queen from Snow White. I could never and would never do anything to jeopardize their health, safety, or well being, I just can't stand them. I want to leave with my baby and never look back.
I met their dad way after his separation but she took him for all hes worth and most of what me and my family is worth, dragged it out, fought every step of the way and just now got divorced. So nope, I'm not the cause.
I have my good days, I say super sweet things, help dh with advice on how to help with them and really encourage them to be better kids and family. Even his family say his kids are super lucky to have me. Little do they know I'm frustrated, depressed, anxious, and stressed to no end when they are here. See why I need help?
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Old 04-15-2013, 10:51 PM   #7
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How long have you had these feelings toward the kids? You mention having a baby, so I wonder if its possible that these intense emotions are a territorial sort of thing possibly based out of postpartum depression.

I agree with the PP who says to pursue counseling. The strong emotions that you're having are rooted in something deeper me than the kids, and will eventually come through and damage your relationships.

Are you and the children's dad married?
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Old 04-15-2013, 11:03 PM   #8
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Your posts honestly sound like you could be dealing with postpartum depression. Can you give some more background on your relationship with the step children's mother, your relationship with the father and all of that kind of stuff. Maybe then we could offer advice more tailored to your situation. But at a bare minimum talk to your regular doctor and see what's going on, and if its ppd. Hugs!
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Old 04-15-2013, 11:07 PM   #9
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Re: Step kids

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Originally Posted by BeccaSueCongdon View Post
How long have you had these feelings toward the kids? You mention having a baby, so I wonder if its possible that these intense emotions are a territorial sort of thing possibly based out of postpartum depression.

I agree with the PP who says to pursue counseling. The strong emotions that you're having are rooted in something deeper me than the kids, and will eventually come through and damage your relationships.

Are you and the children's dad married?
We are not married but BC of the baby I believe we should make it work for the remainder of our lives, if at all possible. I do think part of this is territorial BC it got worse after I found out I was pregnant. I want this to go away BC I plan on being with dad for the rest of our lives. I do think it runs a lot deeper then I can deal with but I do not have insurance and I make about $900/mo so I can't afford it. I think it's slowly eating away at me and us but not letting them see.
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Old 04-15-2013, 11:19 PM   #10
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Re: Step kids

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Your posts honestly sound like you could be dealing with postpartum depression. Can you give some more background on your relationship with the step children's mother, your relationship with the father and all of that kind of stuff. Maybe then we could offer advice more tailored to your situation. But at a bare minimum talk to your regular doctor and see what's going on, and if its ppd. Hugs!

Essentially we have been together 2years, we have always been strapped for cash because we have been throwing good money over bad at the divorce and outrageous child support payments. Their mother is only in it for the money and use the kids to get it. He absolutely adores them and will never give them up or neglect them (which is the original reason I knew our baby would be loved and taken care of (yes it was an oops but loved more than life itself)). Anyway, she hates me BC I stick up for him (he lets her walk all over him) and I gently put her in her place. Other than random texts I haven't talked to her in over a year. But every time we get the kids we have to "reprogram" them to behave and act decent. I think a lot of resentment comes from my need to get work done, I'm always super busy with extra work, and can't, the fact that (in a round about way) I blame them for our lives being so hard. I am perfectly aware of how I sound and I know this is ridiculous but that's why I'm working on it and asking for help.
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