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Old 04-22-2013, 11:46 AM   #1
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My son will eat, unless I am there. He will sleep, unless I am the one trying to put him down. He absolutely refuses to do either of these things for me, but he will do them easily for everyone else. He is currently screaming his fool head off in his room because I had to get out and cool off. For an hour I tried to get him to nap and all he does is look at me and scream while shaking his fists in my face. It takes our nanny 15 minutes, my husband 30 tops. Most of the time when I am home he doesn't nap at all because he flat out refuses, even when I am in the bed with him. When he looks at me and screams as loud as he can I get stupidly angry, and I know it is not cool.

Last night he actually threw a tantrum at 2am. A full on, in his sleep temper tantrum. In our bed. Finally hubby gave him a squisher of food and he went back to sleep. Why was he so angry and hungry? Because mommy had tried to feed him dinner and he refused to eat any of it.

I am about to cry. I get one day a week as a stay at home mom and I am failing miserably.

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Old 04-22-2013, 11:51 AM   #2
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Re: I am so frustrated

Not sure if this will make you feel better, but I am a SAHM and Mommy is still the one in this family for whom difficulty is saved. My mom and my husband can put him to bed easily, and he will consume a full meal for both. I get yogurt thrown at me or he food strikes and stares me down.

On one hand, I won't compare myself to you because I know I'd be bummed if I didn't get a whole lot of time with him and he treated me so, but on the other hand I am alone with him and responsible for 90% of his meals, so when he eats ravenously for my husband at dinnertime because he's frozen me out all day, that feels really crappy too.

No help here, I'm sorry. I was jumping on your misery train for a moment, though.
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Old 04-22-2013, 12:06 PM   #3
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I sympathize. As a parent of 2 kids, I am here to deliver the happy news: things change so fast. Just keep trying - don't assume that whatever is troubling you is for never or ever. The phrase, "this too shall pass" is so apt. One day, the hundredth day you try to put your kid down, you'll be dancing a jig of disbelief because things went your way. When that happens, revel in it!
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Old 04-22-2013, 12:31 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by Hungry Caterpillar
Not sure if this will make you feel better, but I am a SAHM and Mommy is still the one in this family for whom difficulty is saved. My mom and my husband can put him to bed easily, and he will consume a full meal for both. I get yogurt thrown at me or he food strikes and stares me down.

On one hand, I won't compare myself to you because I know I'd be bummed if I didn't get a whole lot of time with him and he treated me so, but on the other hand I am alone with him and responsible for 90% of his meals, so when he eats ravenously for my husband at dinnertime because he's frozen me out all day, that feels really crappy too.

No help here, I'm sorry. I was jumping on your misery train for a moment, though.
There is plenty of room on this train, welcome aboard! It actually makes me feel better, because I keep thinking that it would be different if I didn't work.



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Originally Posted by danner
I sympathize. As a parent of 2 kids, I am here to deliver the happy news: things change so fast. Just keep trying - don't assume that whatever is troubling you is for never or ever. The phrase, "this too shall pass" is so apt. One day, the hundredth day you try to put your kid down, you'll be dancing a jig of disbelief because things went your way. When that happens, revel in it!
You are right, I have to remind myself that things change very fast.

We have just entered a new phase, and I think this phase is going to be all about tempers, both his and mine. I never, EVER got angry with the kids I nannied. But for some reason the fact that this is my son and that I am his mother makes things much more inflammatory. Like he kicks me or screams at me and if I were the nanny my response would be "that isn't very nice." But with him my first thought is, "you will not yell at me, I am your mother!" I don't know why I do that or what my goal is. He shouldn't kick or scream at anyone, mother or not. I think I need to come to terms with the fact that at 15 months things are not about me at all, they are still all about him, and I am just the one who is there when he decides to kick or scream. This is a problem I have never had before. He is my kid and suddenly I am taking this stuff way too personally.

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Old 04-22-2013, 12:37 PM   #5
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Re: I am so frustrated

I can't remember how old your son is. Mine is 18 months and he was a lovely little thing until around 15 months when we were in the middle of a store and he threw himself on the floor in the most stereotypical manner possible and screamed because I wouldn't let him play with a wooden dowel that he'd unearthed somewhere. That signaled the beginning of power struggles and now we engage in them daily. I think the sleeping and eating issues are just the first things that manifested in this power struggle stage, so I didn't really see them for what they were until he started actually tantruming.

My husband's theory about why I in particular am targeted is because I am Mommy and he can sense that there is this sense of Mommy desperation around me to ensure that this kid grows up smart, happy, healthy. He uses desperation as lack of a better word (and is the first to tell you that) but he basically thinks that my kid sees how IMPORTANT it is, to me, for him to cooperate on all these micro-tasks we do every day, and thus engages into a power struggle with me in particular. My husband is way more laid back - if he doesn't want to go to sleep, he puts him in his crib and returns five minutes later with a new attitude and tries again. I can't do that the same way for whatever reason.

ETA - I just re-read your response above and saw 15 months. Good luck! Haha
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Old 04-22-2013, 01:05 PM   #6
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ETA - I just re-read your response above and saw 15 months. Good luck! Haha
Lol yup. He just turned 15 months. He also just discovered the joy of temper tantrums. After my original post I went back into his room, where he had been screaming for about 10 minutes, and he went to sleep in no time.

But yeah, I think my son is just realizing that I really want him to behave a certain way, while other people just want him not to make life difficult. Does that make sense? Like I said above, I get invested in his behavior, so I think he gets a bigger reaction from me when he throws a fit, while his nanny just tries to distract him.
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Old 04-22-2013, 01:20 PM   #7
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Re: I am so frustrated

I am 100% in your shoes. My son is so adorable and sweet with random strangers but god forbid I tell him he can't eat chips at every meal!!

As for the sleep thing, I think it has more to do with he wants to hang out with you rather than sleep. My good friend works 4 days a week and has Fridays off. 9/10 she calls me in tears because her son hasn't napped all day and its 4pm and he is in full meltdown. I think it will get easier when he gets older when he realizes a pattern with his weeks. I'm so sorry though mama!
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Old 04-22-2013, 01:30 PM   #8
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Re: I am so frustrated

Let me start by saying, I completely understand the notion of "its the principal of it". He must eat what he is served so he doesn't become spoiled, he must go to bed on time because routine is good for children, etc. However, as a mom of three, I can tell you that if you allow the child, say, apples for dinner when he is refusing chicken and broccoli--he will not necessarily end up a picky eater at 18. If he doesn't take a nap until he is falling asleep among his toys two hours later, but you were able to enjoy a struggle-free afternoon playing with him, it might just be worth giving up the rigid nap schedule.

It's not about giving in all the time, it's about giving in when the stakes aren't that high. Now if the child kicks you, or some other serious crime, well that's a whole 'nother story...

Just this mamas 2 cents....
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Old 04-22-2013, 01:34 PM   #9
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Re: I am so frustrated

They say they act up the most with the people they are most comfortable with, ie mommy They can't act up for nanny because they know there isn't that bond to insure their survival
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Old 04-22-2013, 06:56 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by UVASahm
I am 100% in your shoes. My son is so adorable and sweet with random strangers but god forbid I tell him he can't eat chips at every meal!!

As for the sleep thing, I think it has more to do with he wants to hang out with you rather than sleep. My good friend works 4 days a week and has Fridays off. 9/10 she calls me in tears because her son hasn't napped all day and its 4pm and he is in full meltdown. I think it will get easier when he gets older when he realizes a pattern with his weeks. I'm so sorry though mama!
His first tantrum ever, which was just last week, was because I told him we were done brushing his teeth. He loves brushing his teeth and screamed harder and longer than he has ever screamed in over a year. Ugh. Regarding sleep, yes he does want to play with me I think. He sits there pointing at every single thing in the room, telling me he is hungry, that he is thirsty, getting up, climbing over me, and whenever I tell him no, that it is time to sleep, he yells and shakes his fists at me. But if I let him get up and play he would fall down from exhaustion and have a fit about that too. Can't win.

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Originally Posted by BESMama
Let me start by saying, I completely understand the notion of "its the principal of it". He must eat what he is served so he doesn't become spoiled, he must go to bed on time because routine is good for children, etc. However, as a mom of three, I can tell you that if you allow the child, say, apples for dinner when he is refusing chicken and broccoli--he will not necessarily end up a picky eater at 18. If he doesn't take a nap until he is falling asleep among his toys two hours later, but you were able to enjoy a struggle-free afternoon playing with him, it might just be worth giving up the rigid nap schedule.

It's not about giving in all the time, it's about giving in when the stakes aren't that high. Now if the child kicks you, or some other serious crime, well that's a whole 'nother story...

Just this mamas 2 cents....
Lol I gave up on chicken and broccoli long ago. He refuses even his favorite foods when it is me. An even more charming habit he has just acquired is chewing the food he likes until it is flavorless, then letting the chewed up food fall out of his mouth while he adds another bite. Like home made chewing gum. The result is he gets the flavor of his favorite foods, but never swallows it, so an hour later he has a fit because he is hungry. Isn't that darling?

And the kicking I do not abide. He kicked me once and I gave him a swat on the thigh. I hadn't planned on doing that, but I also don't think a little swat is the worst thing in the whole world, especially in self defense!

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They say they act up the most with the people they are most comfortable with, ie mommy They can't act up for nanny because they know there isn't that bond to insure their survival
He definitely reserves his tantrums for me. Our nanny is shocked when I tell her about them. I guess I should be flattered.

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