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Old 04-22-2013, 12:26 PM   #1
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Is there a negative stigma for well behaved children?

Do you feel as though parents of well behaved children get looked down upon for having well behaved children?

I have come across some interesting comments about children who are well behaved....the parents must be strict, the parents don't let their kids be kids, they just have perfect children, etc. Which, is really disheartening to hear...this coming from a parent who does have well behaved children. Not b/c we don't let them be kids....that couldn't be further from the truth. We don't have perfect kids, and no we aren't strict. We do teach what is good behavior and what isn't and how to act appropriately for certain situations. We model proper eating habits at home and work on them when we go out. We teach them inside voice and appropriate levels for inside. Kids don't automatically know correct behavior, it does have to be taught.

I remember a few years ago my dh was running in the marine corps marathon. I had the 4 of them at the hotel breakfast area by myself and a woman commented to someone she was with that the reason my kids are so well behaved is b/c my dh is in the marine corps. I wanted to laugh out loud. A. my dh isn't in the marine corps, he was just running in the marathon. B. they are so well behaved b/c we teach them. C. it was 7am and they were all still half or more asleep!

What do you notice more of when you are out? Well behaved or not? I'm curious to see what most people think and have come across.

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Old 04-22-2013, 12:48 PM   #2
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Yes, I've gotten the same comments. You can't win. If kids act up they aren't disciplined. If they are behaved they are drones. Im a fee range parent with behaved kids 98-99% of the time. I also have a ADHD child so I've been on both sides.
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Old 04-22-2013, 01:24 PM   #3
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I've never gotten negative comments about my well behaved children. They're typically better behaved than what I consider average, and we are by no means strict or restrictive!
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Old 04-22-2013, 01:29 PM   #4
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Re: Is there a negative stigma for well behaved children?

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Originally Posted by mibarra View Post
I've never gotten negative comments about my well behaved children. They're typically better behaved than what I consider average, and we are by no means strict or restrictive!
I don't mean to you, just what you hear. We are the same way. But, I still hear things that people assume, we must be strict and or restrictive we are not.
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Old 04-22-2013, 01:31 PM   #5
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Re: Is there a negative stigma for well behaved children?

I've only received compliments on mine. I'm not strict by any means, for what that's worth.
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Old 04-22-2013, 01:32 PM   #6
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Re: Is there a negative stigma for well behaved children?

We are strict, and I don't think that's a bad thing at all. My children are extremely well behaved MOST of the time. They are 2, 3 and 5, so of course there will be bad days. But even today at the grocery store, when *I* thought they were acting up, I got several compliments on how well behaved they were and how rare that was. It did make me feel better.

I've never heard negative comments about well behaved children, but I live in a very conservative and old-fashioned area, so maybe it's just the mentality
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Old 04-22-2013, 01:36 PM   #7
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Re: Is there a negative stigma for well behaved children?

I've only heard negative things about we'll behaved children here on DS. I don't think that many people IRL feel that way. It could be that I just don't hear those comments though. I think in general the younger generation allows their children to get away with much more than past generations have, so I would think that those people would be the most likely to have negative feelings about well behaved children.
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Old 04-22-2013, 01:37 PM   #8
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Re: Is there a negative stigma for well behaved children?

I live in a pretty liberal area, and there are definitely some people who feel that way. It's still rare though, I think. It's mostly young parents who are very into gentle discipline/playful parenting-type stuff. I'm not super strict, but I do have some standards, and honestly, watching their kids' behavior, I don't care at all if they judge me; it's worth it not to have my dd acting like that!
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Old 04-22-2013, 01:39 PM   #9
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Re: Is there a negative stigma for well behaved children?

I definitely notice misbehaving kids more while out. Mainly, because I am still figuring things out and I want to make sure I avoid some mistakes that I see while out. I really appreciate well behaved children! Especially older ones that are nice to my little guy. That is my favorite.

I think what you are seeing while you are out is people that are impressed by two things:1.) no one has 4 children anymore. Anything more than 2 is seen as a LARGE family. 2.) having a large family and being able to have a nice breakfast together probably looks doubly strange so they have to make sense of it in their sheltered minds.
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Old 04-22-2013, 01:42 PM   #10
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Re: Is there a negative stigma for well behaved children?

Honestly I don't think I've seen negative stigma against well behaved kids.

What I've seen is a negative response to parents who are perceived to be criticizing other parents for not keeping their children in check.

It is this perceived criticism which results in defensiveness, and a backlash against the seemingly holier-than-thou attitude of the "judging" parents.

Please note the quotes and the objective way that I have phrased the above. I am not implying fault on either side of the camp, only saying what is being perceived. Lord knows I've been on both sides at different times!
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