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Old 04-22-2013, 01:43 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by Fishie Kisses
I've never heard negative comments about well behaved children, but I live in a very conservative and old-fashioned area, so maybe it's just the mentality
Us too. Our kids have gotten dollars from the elderly for being so well behaved lol. Around here it's a good thing, but we live in a small, older town. We have also gotten complemented in the cities at an Olive Garden, and at a really nice seafood restaurant in Disney World. Our kids were 2,4,and 6 at the time, so I'm sure the table behind us just cringed when they saw us coming. But they thanked us when they left and told us our kids were really well behaved and quiet

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Old 04-22-2013, 01:45 PM   #12
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Re: Is there a negative stigma for well behaved children?

I am usually jealous of you ladies, my dd is usually the "bad" kid when we are out. We are pretty certain she has adhd or possibly other behavioral issues, she gets discipline it just doesn't curb the behavior, so we are also looked at as the "bad" parents. I think some kids are just naturally inclined to be more complacent than others, and some mommas are fortunate enough to only get that model.
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Old 04-22-2013, 01:47 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by jen_batten
I've only heard negative things about we'll behaved children here on DS. I don't think that many people IRL feel that way. It could be that I just don't hear those comments though. I think in general the younger generation allows their children to get away with much more than past generations have, so I would think that those people would be the most likely to have negative feelings about well behaved children.
Totally agree! I don't hear negative comments out in real life situations, but on here it seems to be more relaxed in parenting styles??? And the younger generation does tend to let their children have more of a "free reign", if you will.......
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Old 04-22-2013, 01:56 PM   #14
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Re: Is there a negative stigma for well behaved children?

I don't think there's a negative stigma at all, at least I've never heard someone make a comment about a well behaved child "being too restricted".
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Old 04-22-2013, 01:57 PM   #15
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On the contrary, I find people go out of their way to compliment. They seem relieved.

I've only been criticized once by a friend. To say we had different parenting philosophies would be an understatement.
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Old 04-22-2013, 02:00 PM   #16
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I think I've only every seen/heard that stigma around here from DS mamas, and in response to them having been embarrassed by their own child's behavior in public. Of having gotten rude comments about their kids. My youngest gets compliments all the time for being "good" and my oldest gets blank stares of shock because he looks a year or two older than he is AND has sensory challenges that make him a hoot to watch in big stores. He's usually singing at the top of his lungs to block out all the background noise around him. Lol. And he use to have a "darting" problem where he's bolt when we were in public and he got too overwhelmed. I was about to get him a leash for his own safety but he outgrew it.

My personal view on children's behavior in public is that you're really only seeing a small snapshot of the child's behavior. It's not fair to judge a stranger's parenting skills based on a brief moment in time. A child's behavior in public is as much due to parenting as it is the the child's temperament, the environment itself, and the child's current state of mind (are they tired, hungry, overwhelmed, etc). I've been the parent with the very well behaved child (due mostly to her temperament) and the one with the seemingly crazy kid. But I've only ever gotten weird looks or rude comments about my spirited child.
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Old 04-22-2013, 02:01 PM   #17
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My 4yo daughter is well-behaved and polite, but not shy and does have impulse control hiccups at home sometimes.
When she receives a compliment she says thank you. I have had people gush about her behavior, which is ridiculous because I believe that most children 4+ have it in them and should be well-behaved. It's hard work (diligence actually) but it is our jobs as parents to raise functioning citizens. Don't get me started! Anyone who criticizes well-behaved children needs help.
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Old 04-22-2013, 02:04 PM   #18
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Re: Is there a negative stigma for well behaved children?

My 3 yo DD1 is a very sweet natured child and a "rules" follower by nature. We often call her "the enforcer" because she is always reminding everyone of the rules if one is broke. She asks permission to do EVERYTHING, which I think could be interpreted as me being strict by an onlooker. I do enforce the rules as well, but she only requires a gentle hand compared to other kids her age we know. I have never felt stigmatized for her good behavior, but I have had other mom friends imply that I can't relate/understand to their parenting and discipline struggles.
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Old 04-22-2013, 02:15 PM   #19
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I don't see people criticize the parents of well behaved children. I do think some people have different views as to what constitutes "well-behaved" which can lead to mommy wars.
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Old 04-22-2013, 02:53 PM   #20
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Re: Is there a negative stigma for well behaved children?

Quote:
Originally Posted by danner View Post
My 4yo daughter is well-behaved and polite, but not shy and does have impulse control hiccups at home sometimes.
When she receives a compliment she says thank you. I have had people gush about her behavior, which is ridiculous because I believe that most children 4+ have it in them and should be well-behaved. It's hard work (diligence actually) but it is our jobs as parents to raise functioning citizens. Don't get me started! Anyone who criticizes well-behaved children needs help.
Ok, I mis-read that. I thought, "Wow, she gets hiccups when she has trouble with impulse control?? That's new." *facepalm* I need a nap.

OP ~ I've heard both, but most often I hear GOOD things about well-behaved kids.

All the negative stuff I hear seems to come from EXTREME AP parents or from parents who are insecure in their parenting methods, that have produced little terrors and they feel strangely guilty or uncomfortable about the fact that my kids can be relatively still for 30 minutes while their kids are running around destroying things.

I am secure enough personally in what I do as a parent that if people want to call me names or say I'm doing it wrong, it just rolls off my back. Whatevs. Proof's in the puddin' darlin'!

And my kids are not ALWAYS perfectly behaved. That would be nice. But I'd say 95% of the time, they are awesome and very very very good. Esp compared to those I know/see with young kids.

I know and see a lot of people who either don't know how to discipline their kids, don't want to discipline their kids, or just don't care. For those people, it's a whole lot easier to say, "Wow, look at your little DRONES! You must be so strict. Poor little kids, can't express themselves!" Than for them to say, "Whoa. Look at what a 6 y.o is capable of. I need to step up my game."

(and, FTR, I have been the second parent in that analogy before!)

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