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Old 04-22-2013, 06:39 PM   #31
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Re: Is there a negative stigma for well behaved children?

I think there is stigma......IF..... the parents are perceived as uber strict. I really only know one family like this IRL, close relatives. I think of the 3 older kids as little robots to be honest and feel very sorry for them. When they come to my home their dad orders them around to help with this and that and I tell them ....no, I'm fine, don't need the help, please relax and enjoy the party with the other kids.


One of these kids was caught having a secret party(middle school) a few weeks back which cracks up the whole extended family and we think good for him as they are so strict - so he "broke out" a bit, no alcohol btw.



Other than that I have no problem...I think all kids have their momments. A snapshot is mostly what strangers see.


We have had people literally get up out of their chairs at restaurants and come over and tell us we have a beautiful family, well behaved kids, beautiful kids.....cracks us up as they aren't always that way! I think we tend to command attention with 4 boys mind you.



I do find that parents of well behaved kids are more judgmental though. Like "my Johnny sits and behaves at every meal".....your kid should too..... You never ever know the situation....you could get the best behaved/mellow kid in the world as your child or one with sensory/sitting issues who will always need more guidance. So totally not fair to judge a strangers family really. If you know the family well then a bit fairer, lol....

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Old 04-22-2013, 06:55 PM   #32
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Re: Is there a negative stigma for well behaved children?

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I believe there may be, but I don't believe it applies to the parents of most children. Personally, I cringe inside & literally want to rescue children from some parents.

I am deeply saddened for children who appear to have been taught to be seen & not heard, children who appear to be fearful of a parent over an accident or simple step out of line, children who look like their spirit is crushed & gone forever, children who behave as if they are on remote controlled autopilot, children of parents who behave as if their children are not even there, children of parents who act like its a nussiance to have their children around, children of parents who have made it clear that children are not wanted at a restaurant or in a store so they better act like librarians as if their lives depend upon it, children who show their parents the up most respect but are talked to as if they are stupid/silly/insignificant beings by their parents, children of parents who think its their job to turn their kid into something......................


Yes ^^^^ I have seen this, breaks my heart. My goal is to teach and guide the kids, not to break their spirit that they were naturally born with. My ODS is a goofball and entertainer...seriously his preschool teacher and myself both think of him as a mini Jim Carey, grandma thinks he should be on stage. So it's a fine line between teaching him manners and how to behave without drilling him too much so he is not himself, kwim.
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Old 04-22-2013, 06:57 PM   #33
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Re: Is there a negative stigma for well behaved children?

NO!!
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Old 04-22-2013, 07:52 PM   #34
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Re: Is there a negative stigma for well behaved children?

DS is the only place I've ever heard anything negative about well behaved children. We are strict and I'm not going to be ashamed of it. My children know what is expected of them and what consequences will happen if they choose not to up hold those expectations. Our job as parents is to raise productive and well mannered members of society.
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Old 04-22-2013, 08:10 PM   #35
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I think also sometimes people forget that a child's personality plays a huge role. DD1 was a sweetie pie, responded well to gentle discipline and redirection, generally an easy going happy child. DD2 made up for her sister, is in the full throes of Terrible Twos with a vengeance. It took us awhile to get a handle on her, and she still makes me want to pull my hair out daily. See me in public with DD1 I'm clearly an amazing parent, see me with DD2 on a bad day and I'm clearly an awful mom with no discipline, because if I just did X then OBVIOUSLY my child wouldn't behave like that. KWIM?
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Old 04-22-2013, 08:16 PM   #36
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I think also sometimes people forget that a child's personality plays a huge role. DD1 was a sweetie pie, responded well to gentle discipline and redirection, generally an easy going happy child. DD2 made up for her sister, is in the full throes of Terrible Twos with a vengeance. It took us awhile to get a handle on her, and she still makes me want to pull my hair out daily. See me in public with DD1 I'm clearly an amazing parent, see me with DD2 on a bad day and I'm clearly an awful mom with no discipline, because if I just did X then OBVIOUSLY my child wouldn't behave like that. KWIM?
Agree
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Old 04-22-2013, 08:19 PM   #37
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I am usually jealous of you ladies, my dd is usually the "bad" kid when we are out. We are pretty certain she has adhd or possibly other behavioral issues, she gets discipline it just doesn't curb the behavior, so we are also looked at as the "bad" parents. I think some kids are just naturally inclined to be more complacent than others, and some mommas are fortunate enough to only get that model.
I have one of each "model" (LOL!). DD1 has always been that quiet, well behaved child. DD2 is more spirited and although she's not out of control, I believe she has some sensory issues and she can be a handful in public. Both are parented exactly the same way.

I do get compliments on their behavior but a lot of friends think I am strict. One friend told me
I was mean mommy because my kids had to clean up their own toys! I don't think I'm super strict but at the same time I am not going to tolerate rudeness or other behavior that is unacceptable not just in kids but in anyone.
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Old 04-22-2013, 09:06 PM   #38
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Re: Is there a negative stigma for well behaved children?

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Originally Posted by Ittybitty3 View Post
DS is the only place I've ever heard anything negative about well behaved children. We are strict and I'm not going to be ashamed of it. My children know what is expected of them and what consequences will happen if they choose not to up hold those expectations. Our job as parents is to raise productive and well mannered members of society.

^^^^ I think you just HEAR more about it on DS. In reality nobody is going to say to you....your kids are scared into behaving well(not saying this is you!!) just not one of those conversations that would come up, very awkward. I just know from our own experience of previously mentioned family member that literally everyone (probably 30 people in extended family) thinks the dad is uber strict. Meanwhile the Dad thinks he is awesome and likes to pass out parenting advice to others Nobody would say to them what they think, but nobody likes how he parents........


Totally not saying this is you, just I doubt a person would say this to anyone, maybe an immediate parent or sister.....



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Originally Posted by megenic View Post
I have one of each "model" (LOL!). DD1 has always been that quiet, well behaved child. DD2 is more spirited and although she's not out of control, I believe she has some sensory issues and she can be a handful in public. Both are parented exactly the same way.

I do get compliments on their behavior but a lot of friends think I am strict. One friend told me
I was mean mommy because my kids had to clean up their own toys! I don't think I'm super strict but at the same time I am not going to tolerate rudeness or other behavior that is unacceptable not just in kids but in anyone.


I have one of "each" too....and two in between......you learn as you go too. I know I parent/discipline better now than I did when ODS was a toddler. Start as you mean to go on and all that....
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Old 04-22-2013, 09:13 PM   #39
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Re: Is there a negative stigma for well behaved children?

Ive only ever gotten compliments on my childrens well behaved manner. I love taking the 6 anywhere and everywhere. I have a few close friends with only 2 or 3 children and they dread going anywhere. I figure you will get out what you put in and I know my hard work at parenting is paying off. I love my friends to death but its obvious why they don't want to leave the driveway with their kids.

And Im not judging them! I know their dirt and they know mine.
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Old 04-22-2013, 11:32 PM   #40
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Re: Is there a negative stigma for well behaved children?

I find the opposite to be true. I never heard anyone get a negative comment for a well behaved kid but people get comments if their kids are not well behaved. If my kids are well behaved I get compliments on occasion. It they are having a bad day and not behaving I get bad looks and comments. Personally I am neutral. I don't think a snippet of how a kid is behaving means much of anything because kids and parents are so different. If a parent is ignoring a kid that is acting up then I would wonder but they could have just been having an off day.
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