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Old 04-27-2013, 12:09 AM   #1
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For those who have had their children present at their birth...

I am planning a homebirth in Nov. I would love to have my 3 children present, and not have to worry about them being shipped off to someone's house while I labor, as it has never produced good attitudes in the past.
When this baby is born, by kids will be 7, 5, and 3. They are all very independent and can sit and watch a movie, or get their own snacks.

My question is, do I NEED to have someone here for my kids during the actual birth? I don't want to, and I don't think they will need it, but everything I'm reading online says it's a must.

Does anyone have any experiences with just their little family and a midwife present.... No extra people?

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Old 04-27-2013, 01:40 AM   #2
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Re: For those who have had their children present at their birth...

It was super helpful for me to have my step mom here to watch my two little ones (5 and 2) so I didn't worry about them as they came in and out of the room while having our baby in Feb. I think it is a personal choice though and NOT a must. If you feel better not having extra people I would go with that since you will be more relaxed doing what you are comfortable with. As long as you think the older two will be able to watch out for the little one I would say there wouldn't be a problem unless you think they will get nervous if you get vocal etc.
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Old 04-27-2013, 07:27 PM   #3
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Re: For those who have had their children present at their birth...

If your husband is your birth partner and you're in labour for a while your kids are going to need someone to make them meals, solve fights and give them some attention. They probably won't want to watch movies all day and with something different going on they may seek out attention. You don't know how they'll react and you don't want to be stressed about them on top of everything. I'd plan to have a caregiver for them. The caregiver doesn't have to be in the room for the birth part. When you're close you can have her bring the children in and then slip out and it can be just your family.
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Old 04-28-2013, 07:06 AM   #4
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Re: For those who have had their children present at their birth...

I never have anyone extra to watch the kids. They are interested in what is going on or they are running around playing. Transition is the hard part that doesn't usually last long and dh can get them anything they need and return to me. I think kids do better than most people think. if you are going to have someone else there besdies dh then they can be the kid handler if they need it. I wouldn't have anyone your uncomfortable with there just to have a sitter
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Old 04-28-2013, 03:25 PM   #5
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Re: For those who have had their children present at their birth...

This will be my 4th birth, and (I know it's not a for sure thing) my labors and births have always been a quick process. My longest time of pushing was 30 minutes. My last baby was 4 minutes.
I'm not really thinking I will be completely unable to answer questions and deal with the kids for that long... And DH can help, as I really only need him for transition as far as the serious support goes.
I'm planning on having snacks on the bottom shelf of the fridge already made, and my oldest is better at working the tv than I am!
I just don't want to have someone in my home that will assume the role of a doula... and everyone that I can think of to watch the kids would insert themselves as my birth coach.
I just needed to know that at least someone else did it successfully! Yay!
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Old 04-29-2013, 10:09 AM   #6
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Re: For those who have had their children present at their birth...

My MW actually requires that someone be there just for the kids (mine are young - 3 & 5), because if they need something, it may be that no one will be available to attend them. My DH won't be in a position to leave me when I need him, and my MW will be there solely to focus on me.

So, I've hired a doula who is still in training (so her fee is much more reasonable) as a childcare doula. She knows that my children, not me, will be her focus. If they end up sleeping the entire time, then it'll be an easy $200 for her...but if not, it'll be nice to know that they'll be cared for. Likewise, in the unlikely event that there's an emergent situation & I have to transfer to a hospy, she'll be there with my kids until my ILs can get there (they'll be a minimum of 2.5 hours away).
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Old 04-30-2013, 08:32 PM   #7
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Re: For those who have had their children present at their birth...

Quote:
Originally Posted by mama2tommy View Post
My MW actually requires that someone be there just for the kids (mine are young - 3 & 5), because if they need something, it may be that no one will be available to attend them. My DH won't be in a position to leave me when I need him, and my MW will be there solely to focus on me.

So, I've hired a doula who is still in training (so her fee is much more reasonable) as a childcare doula. She knows that my children, not me, will be her focus. If they end up sleeping the entire time, then it'll be an easy $200 for her...but if not, it'll be nice to know that they'll be cared for. Likewise, in the unlikely event that there's an emergent situation & I have to transfer to a hospy, she'll be there with my kids until my ILs can get there (they'll be a minimum of 2.5 hours away).
This is our rough plan too. My dd will be 4 when our baby comes in Nov, so pretty independent, but still needs some attention (read: a lot of attention). My friend's dh missed their second's birth because their 3yo woke up right as it was happening; that seems so sad to me and I really don't want that to happen to us!
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Old 05-05-2013, 01:25 PM   #8
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Re: For those who have had their children present at their birth...

Would it be possible to have someone available on short notice that you could call if necessary?

Everything might be just fine, and your kids might handle you labouring and delivering without batting an eye, but they might not. They might become worried or just unsettled about the commotion and changes and new people in the house, and then start looking for attention and reassurance from your DH who will be at your side. They will need snacks, meals, fights sorted out, potty trips, etc. It's not fair to expect them to put their needs on hold because you and your DH will be busy. You might also find in the moment that you need to focus on labour and don't want the distraction of your other children coming and going.

If you have someone who you could call last minute, (with clear instructions about NOT coming in to "coach" you in labour, just to care for the kids if they need it,) then you'd at least have a back-up plan if your kids do become stressed, or in the unlikely circumstance that you need to transfer.

Also, if you hope to have your kids there, it might be a good idea to prep them on what to expect. The "Hello Baby" book is a lovely homebirth story for kids. And you could watch some home birth videos online too (with some careful pre-screening by you!) They should know that you might make noises, and that there might be some blood, but that's OK.

All the best for a lovely birth when the time comes!
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Old 05-05-2013, 01:31 PM   #9
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We didnt, dd1 and 2 were born middle if night or early morn anyway. Ds1 is old enough to help the littles if need be
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Old 05-05-2013, 01:32 PM   #10
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Dd1 who was almost 3 woke while I was labor and cuddled me in the birth tub. She watched her sister be born.
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