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Old 04-29-2013, 04:20 PM   #1
SaraBeth522
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No support from DH

I have been having trouble with my milk supply and breastfeeding has been a struggle. Every time I get frustrated, DH says just give him formula. How can I explain to him that saying that is making it worse, and that I need him to support me instead. I don't think he understands how important this is to me either, and I don't know how to explain it.

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Old 04-29-2013, 05:06 PM   #2
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I'm sorry your DH isn't being supportive. If I was you I would just tell him that if he isn't going to support your breastfeeding to just not comment.

Also, have you tried to drink some o'douls (non alcoholic beer) to help supply? My mom is IBCLC and always recommends one a day to woman who are having supply issues.
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Old 04-29-2013, 05:19 PM   #3
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I've had some issues at times as well. I think they get equally as frustrated as us and say things out if concern for our welfare and the health of our babies. My DH says things while half asleep that I don't think he really means.
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Old 04-29-2013, 05:51 PM   #4
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Tell him breastfeeding is extremely important to you and you find those comments frustrating. He probably says that out of concern because he thinks it would be easier for you.
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Old 04-29-2013, 07:36 PM   #5
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Tell him breastfeeding is extremely important to you and you find those comments frustrating. He probably says that out of concern because he thinks it would be easier for you.
sometimes I have to tell DH exactly what I need him to say to me to make me feel better about something. It kinda takes away from the reassurance-ness of it, but at least we don't end up in a fight. Plus then he knows where I stand and what I need from him in future conversations on that topic.
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Old 04-29-2013, 07:37 PM   #6
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Re: No support from DH

Quote:
Originally Posted by USNsis View Post
I've had some issues at times as well. I think they get equally as frustrated as us and say things out if concern for our welfare and the health of our babies. My DH says things while half asleep that I don't think he really means.
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Originally Posted by mibarra View Post
Tell him breastfeeding is extremely important to you and you find those comments frustrating. He probably says that out of concern because he thinks it would be easier for you.
I agree. He is coming from a place of love and concern. Sometimes men need concrete ways to help. In my home if I say "I need help with the kitchen" nothing happens but if I say "please unload the dishwasher" then it gets done. I say give him 1-3 ways he can help you. (example: entertain the older children while you nurse, lay down next to you in bed and support you while you nurse, allow you time to pump extra feedings, buy items you need to increase your supply...) It is SO easy for us to feel unsupported or depressed in PP and a low supply puts a ton of pressure on a new mama, let him help you!
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Old 04-30-2013, 09:16 AM   #7
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My dh does the same thing. I don't have low supply but have really over active letdown and he is constantly making comments when she chokes. Like I don't feel bad enough when that happens. He also doesn't understand cluster feeding at all even though I have explained it several times to him and was constantly asking me if I had enough milk for her - that is seriously not a problem for me but it still bothered me to have him say that so I can imagine it is even worse for you. I finally got mad and told him if he couldn't be bothered to educate himself on how breastfeeding works then he wasn't allowed to say anything as long as our dd continues to gain weight and have enough wet/poopy diapers. He has stopped making comments since then. I think you need to lay it out for your dh - my dh didn't mean to be unsupportive, but he loves our dd and the comments came out of concern. Maybe explain to him that as long as your baby isn't losing weight and has enough wet/poopy diapers that she is ok and adding formula would only make your supply lower and your struggle even harder. I hope it gets easier for you.
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Old 04-30-2013, 09:52 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by Alipop
My dh does the same thing. I don't have low supply but have really over active letdown and he is constantly making comments when she chokes. Like I don't feel bad enough when that happens. He also doesn't understand cluster feeding at all even though I have explained it several times to him and was constantly asking me if I had enough milk for her - that is seriously not a problem for me but it still bothered me to have him say that so I can imagine it is even worse for you. I finally got mad and told him if he couldn't be bothered to educate himself on how breastfeeding works then he wasn't allowed to say anything as long as our dd continues to gain weight and have enough wet/poopy diapers. He has stopped making comments since then. I think you need to lay it out for your dh - my dh didn't mean to be unsupportive, but he loves our dd and the comments came out of concern. Maybe explain to him that as long as your baby isn't losing weight and has enough wet/poopy diapers that she is ok and adding formula would only make your supply lower and your struggle even harder. I hope it gets easier for you.
I hear that! I ended up texting him a link from Kelly Mom about how fussiness in the evening was super common. No response, so I assume the issue has been dropped.
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Old 04-30-2013, 10:01 AM   #9
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Re: No support from DH

Add up the cost of formula for a month and casually work it in to the conversation. My DH is very concerned with providing for our family, especially financially, and would be more motivated to help or not mention it if he realized how much more expensive it can be!
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Old 04-30-2013, 01:44 PM   #10
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Re: No support from DH

I think sometimes husbands see formula as a "solution" (i.e., breastfeeding is tough, baby needs food, formula fixes both problems). Maybe you can explain to him why formula isn't the answer, and let him know that you aren't looking for him to "solve" the problem, you just need him to listen and be supportive. I'm sure he just wants to help, so let him know specifically how he can be most helpful.
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