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Old 05-09-2013, 10:20 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by keen1981
Leave your husband to find his own ways. I found that my children couldn't bond with their dad Until I facilitated it. Sounds like you have a good man. Instead of directing him try complimenting his efforts and walking away knowing your baby is in loving and calm hands.

We have a rule in our house. We never 'rescue' out baby from each other. Exactly who are we rescueing them from? A loving parent?????

it!
Agreed.

Let them figure eachother out. Without direction from you. This is the only way either will have confidence in his abilities. She needs to understand he is capable and he needs to know he's capable.

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Old 05-10-2013, 04:32 AM   #12
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Re: Demanding baby and frustrated DH

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Your way is not the only way your dd can go to sleep. Let your dh figure out what works for him.

Agree 110%
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Old 05-10-2013, 05:22 AM   #13
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Re: Demanding baby and frustrated DH

My dd was really attached to me. She still is but when I was sick for a couple days my husband had to take care of her all day and it made a big difference. She still wants me when she really upset, but now she often wants daddy. However she is a year and half now. I think it's because your husband isn't home as much and doesn't take care of her as much. Encouraging him to care for her as much as possible and even taking the night shift as long as she'll allow it will help. Give him time to try to get her back to sleep even if she's crying. She needs to form a bond with him and know he can take care of her too. During the day give him a special job that he always does, maybe a bedtime story, bathtime, breakfast, something that is daddy and daughter time.
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Old 05-10-2013, 10:29 AM   #14
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Re: Demanding baby and frustrated DH

Thank you everyone for your input. I always looked at ignoring her cries for me as a version of "crying it out" and never considered that I'm undermining their relationship.

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Sounds like you have a good man.
Yes, he is an excellent man! He won't ever admit it, though, which says it all

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What you are doing isn't working. It might be time for YOU to also try to put baby to sleep without using nursing. A baby who falls asleep with a boob in the mouth needs it all night. I know this! I was attached to Gabe for a long time. Lol!! It's a rough transition but so worth it!
At this point, I'm willing to try anything to get her to sleep for a longer stretch than an hour, lol!

I have a feeling that she's not feeling full enough at night, and that is why she is always demanding her pacifier to stay asleep. She usually empties me at night when she falls asleep and I have to wait a few hours before I have a good amount of milk again. She slept more soundly and didn't wake up for her pacifier when I put her down, after DH gave her the bottle, and she slept until 3. So uninterrupted sleep from 12 to 3 was really great for her. Of course this is a different issue all together, but I'm just trying to add to your piece of advice.
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Old 05-10-2013, 11:15 AM   #15
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Some babies NEED to suck, its not about feeling full. DD1 is 4 and still sucks her thumb in her sleep. She ADORED her pacifier until she discovered her thumb. DD2 could only sleep with my nipple in her mouth for the first 8 months. She wouldn't take a pacifier, wouldn't sleep in her own bed. But when she started nursing less at night and got night weaned she left it behind, no thumb sucking.

What makes you think you don't have enough milk out of curiosity?
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Old 05-10-2013, 11:28 AM   #16
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Re: Demanding baby and frustrated DH

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Some babies NEED to suck, its not about feeling full. DD1 is 4 and still sucks her thumb in her sleep. She ADORED her pacifier until she discovered her thumb. DD2 could only sleep with my nipple in her mouth for the first 8 months. She wouldn't take a pacifier, wouldn't sleep in her own bed. But when she started nursing less at night and got night weaned she left it behind, no thumb sucking.

What makes you think you don't have enough milk out of curiosity?
The quantity seems to be less in the evening, and it takes a couple nursing sessions before she really falls asleep. When I nurse her to sleep the first time, she runs out of milk and doses off when I give her the pacifier. She'll wake up between 1/2 to 1 hour wanting more and then often runs out again. Her needs fluctuate from one day to the next, so she'll get enough sometimes, but not always.
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Old 05-10-2013, 02:53 PM   #17
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Well, this is my first nursling, but I'm told the night cluster feeding is normal. Not a reflection on your supply.

I told DH the other day 'apparently lower supply at night is normal and I think that's crap - why does there need to be a time of day when supply is low??'

It is frustrating though. And I'm very cracked and once we gave 2oz of formula when I was about to cry from the pain of nighttime cluster feeding and he slept so much better. It's hard not to give it every night but since DD was FF, I know it's not the formula cause she still ate just as often as he nurses.
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Old 05-10-2013, 05:47 PM   #18
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I haven't read any replies so sorry if someone gave a similar response.

My dd couldn't keep a pacifier in either and we used a Wubbanub. Just google that, I'm mobile and don't know how to post a link. But it worked amazingly!!
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Old 05-10-2013, 08:21 PM   #19
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Re: Demanding baby and frustrated DH

Why did you go back when she was reaching for you? That accomplishes nothing. You did not have to attend to her, you chose to do it. She needs to learn to be soothed by her father. Her father needs to learn her rhythms on his own. I don't micromanage the relationship my husband has with his children. In fact I don't have anything to do with it at all. To do so would feel like an insult to his abilities. We have 3 children and the way he puts them to bed and soothes them is different than my way. Not worse or better, just different. A crying baby being held by a loving parent is NOT CIO. I give my husband and my children the ability to work it out together without my input because I trust him. If the situation were reversed I would be livid if he undermined my efforts. I don't need babysitting and neither does my DH. If he asks the offer but otherwise let him figure it out. She will be FINE.

I doubt she really needs to nurse all night and have you sit there doing the paci dance. She is indeed very used to it. I think you need to find another solution. If that solution for now is that he spends more time with his child while you put in some ear plugs and rest then so be it. Waking up every hour is not helping her. She needs rest so I would drop the paci cold turkey. Rub her back, walk, sway whatever but the current situation is not benefiting her or you.
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Old 05-10-2013, 09:11 PM   #20
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Re: Demanding baby and frustrated DH

If you really do think it is a supply issue...nurse her like crazy. Then, when you feel like you are empty, have DH give her a couple ounces of formula with you in a different room and rock her to sleep. While he is doing that, try pumping to see A) if you are empty and B) to stimulate more milk. However, if 3 oz of formula (after nursing like crazy of course) gets her to sleep for a few hours for the next couple days, IMO, it would be worth it.
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