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Old 05-10-2013, 09:32 PM   #21
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Well for me it's easier to just cosleep and let them nurse all night. I can latch them on and fall right back to sleep. But my dd has been sleeping through the night now for quite a long time. She just won't go to sleep until late. With me she falls asleep nursing but with dh he holds her on his lap and plays music. If I try that it doesn't work. So each parent can end up with their own way.

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Old 05-10-2013, 09:35 PM   #22
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Its hard. I can't stand to hear my babies cry, regardless of the situation. It has zero to do with trusting DH or micromanaging their relationship, it causes me pain. Is this your first LO? Knowing she has the issues with her back (right?) makes it even harder. My DH was very understanding with DD2, and knew even when I was exhausted that I wouldn't be sleeping anyway if I was just listening to her scream while he tried to comfort her, but it was also our second. DD1 was a huge daddy's girl so he knew it wasn't him or his parenting and didn't take it personally.

You do what you have to do, and don't let anyone who's not in your shoes make you feel guilty or like you're doing it 'wrong.' But also have a heart to heart with DH, find ways for him to help, validate his parenting. If the middle of the night screaming is too hard for you to stand, pick your LOs happiest time of day, and leave her with DH. Go grab a latte, it doesn't even have to be that long. Give them a chance to build a bond when you won't be tempted to jump in (and its tempting!!) and you won't be as stressed.
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Old 05-10-2013, 10:22 PM   #23
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Re: Demanding baby and frustrated DH

Quote:
Originally Posted by mibarra View Post
Its hard. I can't stand to hear my babies cry, regardless of the situation. It has zero to do with trusting DH or micromanaging their relationship, it causes me pain. Is this your first LO? Knowing she has the issues with her back (right?) makes it even harder. My DH was very understanding with DD2, and knew even when I was exhausted that I wouldn't be sleeping anyway if I was just listening to her scream while he tried to comfort her, but it was also our second. DD1 was a huge daddy's girl so he knew it wasn't him or his parenting and didn't take it personally.

You do what you have to do, and don't let anyone who's not in your shoes make you feel guilty or like you're doing it 'wrong.' But also have a heart to heart with DH, find ways for him to help, validate his parenting. If the middle of the night screaming is too hard for you to stand, pick your LOs happiest time of day, and leave her with DH. Go grab a latte, it doesn't even have to be that long. Give them a chance to build a bond when you won't be tempted to jump in (and its tempting!!) and you won't be as stressed.
Definitely not trying to say that she is doing anything wrong. Sorry if it came out that way OP. My point was that the current situation is not working for anyone. No judgement. There should be no guilt involved. It seems as though OP was feeling guilt as to her not attending to her DD was on par with CIO and she does not need to feel that way at all. My point was there are two parents so when your DH is around you really should not feel like you have to rush in. Who enjoys hearing their LO cry? I sure don't but if he came home just so you can rest then you should really let him try and it's not a genuine effort if you run in after a short while. He wants to help so let him try without supervision. What is the worst that can happen? There are so many things in parenting that are hard for me to do but that benefit the child more in the long run. Certainly the baby getting some good long stretches of sleep (mommy too) is the better option, right? However it is that it happens be it cosleeping, Dad taking over etc. I'm tired, my baby isn't sleeping HA! So perhaps it came out harsher than intended. I was only speaking on my personal relationship. I do not instruct my husband on how to soothe our children because I am confident he can figure it out and he does wonderfully. But if I am anywhere near of course the baby is going to reach for me and make the situation worse so I stay away and very quickly they work it out.
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Old 05-11-2013, 07:25 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nonipie

Definitely not trying to say that she is doing anything wrong. Sorry if it came out that way OP. My point was that the current situation is not working for anyone. No judgement. There should be no guilt involved. It seems as though OP was feeling guilt as to her not attending to her DD was on par with CIO and she does not need to feel that way at all. My point was there are two parents so when your DH is around you really should not feel like you have to rush in. Who enjoys hearing their LO cry? I sure don't but if he came home just so you can rest then you should really let him try and it's not a genuine effort if you run in after a short while. He wants to help so let him try without supervision. What is the worst that can happen? There are so many things in parenting that are hard for me to do but that benefit the child more in the long run. Certainly the baby getting some good long stretches of sleep (mommy too) is the better option, right? However it is that it happens be it cosleeping, Dad taking over etc. I'm tired, my baby isn't sleeping HA! So perhaps it came out harsher than intended. I was only speaking on my personal relationship. I do not instruct my husband on how to soothe our children because I am confident he can figure it out and he does wonderfully. But if I am anywhere near of course the baby is going to reach for me and make the situation worse so I stay away and very quickly they work it out.
Agreed. I didn't think we were putting down the OP. But encouraging her to give herself a break and relax.

I dealt with this a bit last night with the newbie. He was fed and happy on me, I needed to get up, so handed him to DH. He was not pleased. I wanted to take him back after I did what I needed to, but I told myself to let DH and DS try. Few more minutes and DS was calm and eventually sleeping in DH's arms. It is easier if you start young, but also harder as they're so attached to mom.
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Old 05-11-2013, 08:51 AM   #25
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Sorry my post wasn't in response to anyone in particular! Sleep deprived here too. Our first also had some special needs/issues and so I know that plus a fussy baby can make you feel even more helpless than usual, especially at 2 am.
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Old 05-11-2013, 10:07 AM   #26
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I'm on my fourth child who is now ten months old- from my experience- 6 month olds go through a rough spot in the sleeping arena. That's the time their first tooth comes in which is always worse at night. (orajel, teething tablets, drink chamomile tea four hours before her bedtime so she gets it in your milk at bedtime, cold chew toys, etc can help). It's just a hard time which will end when the front teeth come in. Then four months later you get to do it all over again but worse with the back molars coming in!! That's where we are now . I stuff him very full with a jar of baby food and nursing before bedtime. I then rub orajel on the erupting tooth then nurse him to sleep. He only gets up twice after that if in pain. At 6 months old, you can introduce baby food and I highly recommend that to help them sleep better. All my kids slept way better if very full. Stay away from any green veggies that could cause gas and any puréed fruit that has a lot of natural sugar. My before bed favorites are squash or sweet potato then some water in a bottle then nurse til they are 'topped off' full!!! It's so worth it to get sleep. A big praise to your husband for trying. So many men wouldn't do all that!! Good luck and this too shall pass. It'll be a distant memory soon unless you have another baby !
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