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Old 08-15-2013, 11:50 PM   #1
Jenyquintero17
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Tandem nursing and tantrums

My 27 month old daughter is still nursing. Very frequently. It has been very rewarding most of the time. However, lately I simply hate it. It takes everything within me to not just let her sit there and cry and scream. She wants it all the time! The worst part is that I have no problems nursing my 4 month old son. I don't feel any negativity when I nurse my son, but my daughter is a different story. I assume its because I know she is capable of beimg soothed in other ways. Some times when she nurses she isn't even nursing she just has it in her mouth. My skin crawls and I tense up. Its crazy! I advocate for breastfeeding and every time people criticize us for still nursing I stand up for what I believe and preach of all of the benefits she is still receiving. So these thoughts seriously pain me!! I don't know if there is any advice out there but I think its helpful for me to get it off my chest. I don't want her to be forced to stop nursing (that would be torture for everyone) but she really needs to treat the boob with respect or I'm going to go nuts!

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Old 08-16-2013, 07:35 AM   #2
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Re: Tandem nursing and tantrums

The book Adventures in Tandem Nursing talks about "nursing aversion." It is very common and NOT YOUR FAULT! I dealt with this when nursing DD1 and DD2. I slowly and gently weaned her down to nursing first 3 times per day, then 2 times, then just once a day. It was much easier to deal with the feelings when I was more in control of the nursing. My daughter was around that age when I began weaning her down to a schedule (They don't need the nutrition the same way a baby does). <HUGS> It is hard, but you are NOT a bad mama and again, it is NOT YOUR FAULT!
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Old 08-16-2013, 08:53 AM   #3
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Re: Tandem nursing and tantrums

We tend to try to trust our instincts with our babies but it seems many have a really hard time understanding it when this happens. I think its natures way of telling us its time to wean and we should trust it. I wasn't pg but I really hated nursing DS4 starting a few months before his 2nd b-day. It just irritated me. I felt tense the whole time he was latched on. I cut down nursing slowly, but he still wanted a before bed nursing, and I finally decided to cut that out. He cried and was mad for about 3 days, and then he was fine. If you ever watch nature documentaries of other mammals weaning the little ones aren't too happy. They squawk and cry and pull on mama. We can make a decision as humans to override our instincts and sometimes that is a good idea...but just be aware and be gentle with yourself that this is a hormonal chemical response and not really in your control, and if you do decide to start weaning, its ok!
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Old 08-16-2013, 03:29 PM   #4
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Thank you guys for the support. The hard part right now is nap time and bed time. I feel like there is no other way to get her to sleep. But then again it nursing isn't even working anymore because its not a peaceful restful experience anymore. When my husband is here he helps put her to sleep but he geta home around 4 and if she naps at that time then she doesn't go to bed at decent hour. It sucks... I don't know what to do. Today was pretty rough we both cried.
We always have people over so she is distracted a lot and not wanting to nap because she wants to go out in the living room. My sister comes over with her 2 very loud obnoxious and disrespectful kids and it gets very irritating and stressful I'm sure that doesn't help.
And we have a house guest staying here and possibly another family member because he is going to go through a divorce. So I think we are taking on a little too much these days and it isn't helping.
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Old 08-17-2013, 06:12 AM   #5
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I am feeling the same way lately with my 28 month old DD. I have gently weaned down to nap and bedtime nursing. Sometimes once or twice at night if she wakes, but it's usually very quick and she goes back to sleep easily. I am pregnant and knew it was time to start weaning because I was getting the feeling of wanting to run away and scream when she was still nursing several times a day. This is much more manageable for me and DD took to it pretty easily. At this point I'm comfortable with nursing twice a day, but will feel no guilt about stopping altogether, if/when I decide to. I'm all for listening to your body, so do what you feel is right
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Old 08-17-2013, 10:02 AM   #6
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Re: Tandem nursing and tantrums

I know the feeling. There is hope it may pass, cause it did for us. We are now enjoying tandem nursing and the girls both get along well and my oldest is not so whiney an needy. my nurslings are 34 months and 13 months, when my oldest was around the age of yours I was feeling the same way though, not sure if it was her behavior or just my feeling like all I did was nurse babies all day, but as the younger one got older and spread out her nursing a more it really helped and now it's really nice. Not telling you what to do but just giving you hope if you do decide to stick with it.
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Old 08-17-2013, 10:59 AM   #7
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Re: Tandem nursing and tantrums

I think you're taking on too much outside of nursing. You need to establish some boundaries with your sister (she's not welcome during nap time). And do you really have to have house guests? Perhaps a combination of cutting down the number of nursing sessions (maybe just for bedtimes) and cutting out the other stresses, you'll feel much better.
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Old 08-20-2013, 12:57 PM   #8
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Thank you thank you for your posts! They are helpful! Sometimes all I need to do it whine and cry to people that understand me! When I tell hubby how I'm feeling he gets right down to it and take pur oldest out to play, on a date, or just anywhere away from the boob. He has weekends off so Friday when he got home he played with her and distracted her and bathed her. He put her to sleep after he convinced her to go with him. So Friday night she nursed for like 2 min. And then didn't nurse until Sunday night. It was a nice break but to be honest I was in tears on Sunday because I missed her so much. She was asking for it every day and each time daddy would distract her and she was fine but it killed me. We are doing much better now. I still have a few bouts of negative feelings here and there but it is so much better then it was. The break was nice! But I don't think either of us are ready to stop nursing! I feel like the way I was feeling had to do with how she was acting and how others where acting around me. So I agree with the idea of not having people visiting during those times I just don't know how to approach my sister with that request. She's pretty delicate :/ but I know I need to. When she is here I am so stressed trying to help her because she's young has two kids and they are a handful. I feel bad and I know it isn't my responsibility but I can't help but feel the need to help her. This week is going well so far... I'm paying this is just a season. We will get through it Thank you guys!
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