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Old 09-03-2013, 05:08 PM   #1
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If my doula stands me up...

I'm interviewing doulas or.. Well.. I'm trying to.

The first one I asked to set up a meeting with me hasn't emailed me back since august 26th.

The second one I was supposed to meet tonight at 6. She emailed me at five after and said she'd be an hour late. Do I still give her a shot?

She was the one that I felt would be "the one" and now I'm wondering if maybe this time even though I'm financially able to have a doula I won't be able to find one anyway!

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Old 09-03-2013, 05:39 PM   #2
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Re: If my doula stands me up...

hmm...that doesn't bode well as you will need her to show up 'on call,' when you need her services, but OTOH, everyone is human. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and go in with an open mind. If the chemistry isn't there (along with a great reason for being late this time), then you can move on and look for someone else.
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Old 09-03-2013, 06:18 PM   #3
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Re: If my doula stands me up...

I ended up having to reschedule several antepartum appointments with my doula because she was attending births. As we all know, those things often can't be predicted and I understood that her actively laboring patients took precedent over me. If you are talking with doulas who make a business out of it and are in demand, it wouldn't surprise me that they might have to reschedule sometimes due to the nature of their practice. That said, I would ask prospective doulas whether they have a backup who will be there in case they aren't available. My doula ended up getting called to another birth while I was still in early labor, and her backup attended me. She ended up showing up for the last several hours of my labor, though (and the backup stayed too). It wasn't ideal, but at least I had an experienced attendant.
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Old 09-03-2013, 06:26 PM   #4
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I wish she had said that in her email. All she said was that she was running very late. And she didn't email me until she was already five minutes late.

Now its almost 7:30 and she's still not here. Oh my hormones.
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Old 09-03-2013, 06:37 PM   #5
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Re: If my doula stands me up...

In my opinion, that is terribly unprofessional. She should have given you a reason for being that late, or cancelled. Unless she gives you a really good explanation, I'd be hesitant to reschedule with her. Life happens, it's ok, but you have to be willing to be transparent about what is going on.
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Old 09-03-2013, 06:47 PM   #6
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Re: If my doula stands me up...

I agree if it's totally just her being irresponsible with her time then that would be a big strike!
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Old 09-03-2013, 06:54 PM   #7
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Re: If my doula stands me up...

I hope she ended up showing up... =/ I would hate to be waiting so long. But I have to agree, that being over an hour late is a little unprofessional and poor planning on her part.
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Old 09-03-2013, 09:00 PM   #8
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She did finally show up a little after 730. I never got an actual explanation. She said she was at a birth from 230 to 9 this morning. Maybe she was sleeping?

She also seemed to be under the impression that I was already committing to her. Like she gave me this big packet of stuff for creating a birth plan and a ton of brochures for local services like the cloth diaper shop and birth photography. Then she asked me if I had picked a package (... what package? This information was not in any of her emails or in the packet she gave me. ) and I told her this was my first meeting with a doula and we just wanted to have questions answered, meet her, etc she seemed really confused. It was just very awkward. I felt like I had totally wasted her time, and mine too, being that she was an hour and a half late.

Is this normal?
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Old 09-03-2013, 09:19 PM   #9
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Re: If my doula stands me up...

Yikes! That doesn't sound normal to me. It sounds like she has major communication issues.
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Old 09-03-2013, 09:25 PM   #10
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It's not normal/typical. I interviewed three doulas in San Diego and contacted about 5, all responded in a reasonable timeframe and showed up when they said they would. The doula we hired ended up coming late to a meeting once but she let me know about an half hour a head of time because her husband was getting held up at work and he was her childcare. She was only half hour late. It wasn't a big deal to us and she was super apologetic.

It sounds like the doula is taking on too many clients too fast and getting her clients confused.

I encourage you to keep looking! The advice is to interview at least three. I'm a doula so if you want to fly me down to interview, I promise I'll be on time and professional.
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