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Old 09-06-2013, 06:07 AM   #11
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She is plenty old enough for that kind of schedule. As long as she doesn't have a major exam on Tues or Weds, I wouldn't worry about it. It's great real life experience. I was personally on my own at 16/17 with a full college schedule and working to support myself, so I think this kind of work at that age is a great motivator.

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Old 09-06-2013, 08:49 AM   #12
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What does SHE want to do? Realistically she is almost 18 and unless they are breaking labour laws they aren't doing anything wrong. Of course they're going to get pissy if she is asking to leave at 11 instead of 1, especially if they have nobody else to close.

She took on all the responsibilities and had to know that there would be times where there were conflicts. She was given permission for this to happen 1-2 times a week and they are only asking for 1 extra night over what you gave permission for. She may have to suck it up this time & remind them that she only wanted to do it 1 or 2 times a week on occasion.

Would you be questioning it if they were wanting her to work late 3 nights on the days she is not at the internship?

She needs to be prepared to lose the job if she doesn't go along with it, whether it is them letting her go or her choosing it is too much and quitting. It isn't the theatre's fault she took so much on, if they need someone and she is able to close then they'll book her for it.
I agree with this.

How are her grades? My hubby worked a schedule like that when he was that age. It didn't bother him at all.
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Old 09-06-2013, 08:50 AM   #13
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Re: Am I wrong or is this unreasonable?

I don't see it as unreasonable.
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Old 09-06-2013, 08:59 AM   #14
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What I find unreasonable is they agreed to respect her schedule, said it would be occasionally, and now its 3 nights in a row. Frankly my thought is they know she'll work it and think they can bully her into doing it on a regular basis because she's young. Especially with how they responded when she tried to discuss it. If it happens again I'd just revoke permission unless she's OK with this.
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Old 09-06-2013, 09:28 AM   #15
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Re: Am I wrong or is this unreasonable?

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What I find unreasonable is they agreed to respect her schedule, said it would be occasionally, and now its 3 nights in a row. Frankly my thought is they know she'll work it and think they can bully her into doing it on a regular basis because she's young. Especially with how they responded when she tried to discuss it. If it happens again I'd just revoke permission unless she's OK with this.
This is really where my thought process is. She had a really open schedule during the summer and when school started she did go over her schedule and they knew everything that was going on. And I think their response to her trying to discuss it was not reasonable at all.

If they had scheduled her for like Thursday, Friday and Saturday, that wouldn't have been a deal because those aren't school nights. And if she was in college and had more control over her school/internship schedule, it wouldn't be a big deal either. I think it's that all three closing nights are school nights that make it a big deal.

So far I haven't said or done anything but coach her on what to say to them...instead of saying "I can't work that" say something like "I love that I have all these hours but would it be possible to cut back an hour or two on Monday so I can be sure I get enough sleep".

The other issue that's been ongoing has been the timing of the schedule. The schedule runs Friday to Thursday, but it doesn't come out until Wednesday evening. So she doesn't know if she is working Friday the 6th until Wednesday the 4th. But that's been ongoing and it's frustrating but since she can just show up at the cake shop basically whenever, it's been ok.
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Old 09-06-2013, 01:44 PM   #16
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Re: Am I wrong or is this unreasonable?

I wouldn't be ok with it. 5 hours of sleep is unacceptable on a school night for a high school student. She is a minor. School and studies need to take priority at this age as success in these areas are more crucial to her overall success in life than a movie theater job. She can't be at her best at school and her internship with 5 hours of sleep. "Getting through it" makes sense for some with different life circumstances when paying their rent depends on them keeping a job but this is a girl still living at home with the support of her parents. I don't think all this running around like crazy day and night is going to teach her about real life, its going to make her burn out and her grades possibly suffer. Is she college bound? Grades are important to keep up this year. She may need to set some boundaries with her work and/or just let that job go and concentrate on studies, internship, and working at the cake shop which seems infinitely more flexible. If I were her mom this is what I would encourage.
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Old 09-07-2013, 08:30 AM   #17
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Re: Am I wrong or is this unreasonable?

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I wouldn't be ok with it. 5 hours of sleep is unacceptable on a school night for a high school student. She is a minor. School and studies need to take priority at this age as success in these areas are more crucial to her overall success in life than a movie theater job. She can't be at her best at school and her internship with 5 hours of sleep. "Getting through it" makes sense for some with different life circumstances when paying their rent depends on them keeping a job but this is a girl still living at home with the support of her parents. I don't think all this running around like crazy day and night is going to teach her about real life, its going to make her burn out and her grades possibly suffer. Is she college bound? Grades are important to keep up this year. She may need to set some boundaries with her work and/or just let that job go and concentrate on studies, internship, and working at the cake shop which seems infinitely more flexible. If I were her mom this is what I would encourage.
As a mother of a 16 yr old, I agree with the above. My son is supported by us and does not need a job. He would not be allowed to work til 1 AM on a school night. His job at that age is to maintain as high of a GPA he can, look at colleges, and have fun. He will be working the rest of his life.

I would be revolking the permission or only allow Friday and Saturday night closing shifts.
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Old 09-07-2013, 09:11 AM   #18
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Re: Am I wrong or is this unreasonable?

Kim, first of all I want to congratulate you on your daughter being such a hard worker. I am always amazed that people can do so much. However, I think an important life lesson, as important as hard work, is to learn how to prioritize the short term benefits in terms of long term goals.

It is also great Kim, that you did not jump on the phone and fight her battle for her. Sounds to me like you and your daughter are reasonable people by the actions you have already taken.

As a young person I worked in various restaurants and the whole schedule thing is so difficult. One has to put your life on hold to see when you can work or not. However, the schedule was late because it is dependent on all the workers' stipulations of when they could or could not work.

My husband, when he was studying and working full time, would give the scheduling person his timetable each week with the times he was not available blacked out, he included sleep hours as unavailable (worked at a Supermarket and opened/closed a lot). He got really reasonable hourse because the scheduling person had his weekly life spelled out in front of him when he made it. So, he had a big picture view.

Can your daughter try that approach? In my life I have realized that you think you are doing people a favor by being as flexible as possible, but often that breads resentment because people will start taking advantage of your willingness. If she is less flexible, the person drawing up the schedule will have no choice but to only use her when she's available.
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Old 09-07-2013, 09:31 AM   #19
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Re: Am I wrong or is this unreasonable?

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Kim, first of all I want to congratulate you on your daughter being such a hard worker. I am always amazed that people can do so much. However, I think an important life lesson, as important as hard work, is to learn how to prioritize the short term benefits in terms of long term goals.

It is also great Kim, that you did not jump on the phone and fight her battle for her. Sounds to me like you and your daughter are reasonable people by the actions you have already taken.

As a young person I worked in various restaurants and the whole schedule thing is so difficult. One has to put your life on hold to see when you can work or not. However, the schedule was late because it is dependent on all the workers' stipulations of when they could or could not work.

My husband, when he was studying and working full time, would give the scheduling person his timetable each week with the times he was not available blacked out, he included sleep hours as unavailable (worked at a Supermarket and opened/closed a lot). He got really reasonable hourse because the scheduling person had his weekly life spelled out in front of him when he made it. So, he had a big picture view.

Can your daughter try that approach? In my life I have realized that you think you are doing people a favor by being as flexible as possible, but often that breads resentment because people will start taking advantage of your willingness. If she is less flexible, the person drawing up the schedule will have no choice but to only use her when she's available.

The last is so true. Any job I said I had an olen schedule had me working all over the place. Then I had kids. Babysitting cost as much as I was getting paid. Now suddenly I could only work hours my husband wasn't working. So I made clear it was follow my available hours or I quit. The first time I was scheduled differently I failed to show. Primarily because I hadn't thought to check those days. They didn't fire me, mark me as a no show, or anything negative. They also never tried that little trick on me again.

I do think they are being unreasonable. I think I would have her tell them either they follow her schedule or you will revoke any and all closing privileges.
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Old 09-07-2013, 09:48 AM   #20
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I don't think it's your place to say anything because once you signed the form, you took her out of her child-protected situation and put her into adult hours. It's now her job to advocate for herself as the lowest on the totem pole for her situation. This is such a good opportunity for her to learn the politics of trying to make it all work while she has the luxury of living at home and not having her job dictate her entire livelihood. Many people never learn this skill and then are stuck in crappy work situations because their rent and children's food depends on it.

If you had not signed the form, she would still be protected under child-hours. I think if she is being afforded extra hours that a seventeen year old wouldn't usually have, she needs to have discussions with them and stick up for herself like a seventeen year old wouldn't usually have to.
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