Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 09-07-2013, 08:23 AM   #11
cassie.sattler's Avatar
cassie.sattler
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 625
Re: time spent cleaning :(

thanks for the help guys. i almost never deep clean but we also share a house with his parents and it is that much more work because they only do minimal duties as well.

i get mad because dh leaves piles of stuff after he gets done sweeping or doesnt fold the diapers when he sees the big pile of them sitting in the middle of the room ALL DAY. all i ever really want him to do is dry and fold diapers, do the dishes etc

Advertisement

__________________
pround young SAHM to Owen 5-21-12 married to my soul mate bill
CDING
cassie.sattler is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2013, 08:29 AM   #12
cassie.sattler's Avatar
cassie.sattler
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 625
Re: time spent cleaning :(

Quote:
Originally Posted by BSWmama View Post
That really isn't fair - you should definitely get some down time when you're at home and expect some help from your husband with chores.

The way I see my job on a daily basis, I am taking care of the kids - playing with them, taking them to playground/library/doctor/etc, meal planning/shopping/cooking - all the other cleaning and miscellaneous tasks are kind of bonus. I like to keep up with the laundry - a load or so a day, load/unload the dishwasher, and try to keep the kitchen floor not disgusting (that is really a losing battle with my kids, though). It sounds like your standards are pretty high if you're spending 2 hours a day cleaning? (Disclaimer: I'm a slob, though, and clean the baseboards never). You may need to lower them a bit if you're going to accept DH's help and give yourself some downtime as well.

As a SAHM, I know it would not sit well with me if DH made me a to do list of household chores to complete while he's at work. How many/what hours does your husband work? Around here, I feel the least naggy when DH has easy and recurring chores - unloading dishwasher in the AM, switching around some laundry, reading most of the bedtime stories. I do not feel at all bad saying, after dinner and bedtime for kids, "Ugh, I'm tired. Would you mind loading the dishes?" He also doesn't mind because he likes to do nice things for me. Even better is that after a few times, it becomes his thing. Then, once in a while I do the dishes and he feels like I'm being nice to him. So maybe give him a couple of easier tasks and work your way up from there? Like ask him to take your son grocery shopping. Ask him to put in a load of diapers. I'd phrase it less like, "Here's your list of chores for the day" and more like "Oh crud, we're out of milk and some other important stuff. Can you get to the grocery for X, Y, and Z?"

I think sometimes men just don't see what needs to be done or know what to do. If I say to DH that the house is a mess and company is coming and needs to be cleaned up, he honestly does not know where to begin. So I really don't expect him to do a lot of deep cleaning type stuff. My husband is willing, but he's just not good at it, so part of accepting his help is accepting that he doesn't do it the way I might. Once in a while after the kids are in bed, I'll say, "Hey, it's seriously messy, how about we spend 15 minutes cleaning before we pop some popcorn and watch a movie?" Then I give him a job, like wiping down the half bath while I vacuum the living room. Then we both quit for the night and relax. That is where the lower standards comes in.

Of course, if you've already asked for his help, told him you feel like you don't have enough time to relax and he's like "Tough, you're the wife so it is your job and not mine to keep the home. I'll just sit here while you scrub that toilet," then I don't know - you've got deeper problems. As your partner, he should want to make your life easier and more pleasant. My husband does not clean the toilet because he cares about cleaning the toilet, he does it because if he doesn't then I'll have to and he wants to be nice to me.
i thought 2 hours was excessive too, once i calculated cooking, and all the extra picking up after lo it comes to about that much :/ i feel really bad because i will get mad and he knows that, but he doesnt put forth any effort to help. and if he does its half assed, but i dont say anything because thats would make him feel bad even more.
__________________
pround young SAHM to Owen 5-21-12 married to my soul mate bill
CDING
cassie.sattler is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2013, 10:37 PM   #13
Juvanilla's Avatar
Juvanilla
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: California girl living in TX
Posts: 421
My Mood:
Re: time spent cleaning :(

"and we have one DD almost 6 months old". Hahaha! I mean 6 WEEKS old... no sleep no sleep no sleep
Juvanilla is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-08-2013, 12:02 AM   #14
rumblepurr's Avatar
rumblepurr
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Second star to the right and straight on till morning!
Posts: 2,324
My Mood:
Re: time spent cleaning :(

Have a non confrontational convo about chore distribution, where both of you make a list of everything that needs to get done. Ask him what he would like first pick of, then you pick (you each get a favored job then) keep alternating picking until there aren't any jobs left. Then talk about what you each expect the job entails, how often, how detailed, and what doing a sloppy job relates for the house - Does vacuuming mean getting all corners? When cleaning the kitchen does that mean wiping down the canisters? Or are those things left for deep cleaning? For instance he vacuums, but misses the corners. That means once a week he does a "deep" cleaning on the carpets and gets the corners, not just the crumbs in the middle. If you know that he is going to do the deep cleaning things once a week/twice a month it might help you relax a little with the knowledge that it will get done to your standards and not obsess about what a poor job he did in the mean time.
__________________
Amber: Mama of 4 DS's; 10/2002 10/2005 8/2007 1/2010
and 1 DD 11/20/13 ************. Married to J .
Extra crunchy, night , book loving, sewing enthusiast.
rumblepurr is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-08-2013, 01:38 AM   #15
abunchoflemons
Registered Users
sitesupporter
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: usa
Posts: 14,283
My Mood:
Re: time spent cleaning :(

sounds like mine but I am stay at home. I only know one guy that didn't need to be told things that is younger ... a friend of my hubby... but after living with hubby and another roommate gave up at keeping things up....

I say can you do this or that and make a list... my mom phrases it as can you help me with...

Some I think need the list....
__________________
Join me making money doing the following: shopkick, Swagbucks Bing it, fronto unlockscreen , Perk, receipthog,1Q, Free Eats, panel app, qmee, bzzagent
abunchoflemons is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 09-08-2013, 04:06 AM   #16
cuddlebunny_24
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 241
Re: time spent cleaning :(

I completely understand where you are coming from. I am in a house full of males and not a single one of them even bothers to pick up after themselves, due to pure laziness, let alone help me with anything. It might be worth telling him how you want something done. That may be the problem, he might be afraid to help out with some things because he does not know how you want them done.
__________________
Noah 7/9/08 Bailey 4/22/11 Jacob 3/15/13
cuddlebunny_24 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.