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Old 10-21-2013, 06:22 PM   #1
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Bedsharing and "me time"

My six month old will. not. sleep. anymore unless we are physically touching. To make a really long story short, I don't feel like I have any options left besides bedsharing and CIO. With his older brother we ended up CIO in desperation and I was really hoping to avoid that this time, but i just don't know how to make this bedsharing thing work.

He is ready for bed by 7 at the latest. So I have to go to bed at seven too? Because my older son goes to bed at eight and I'm alone with them four nights a week. Also, the time after kids are in bed is the only time I have for a moment to myself. I hate feeling selfish for needing that time but I really am going crazy without it. That time is also when I get a lot done like dishes cleaning etc.

I feel so terrible like I can't hack it as a mom because I'm struggling with this.

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Old 10-21-2013, 06:27 PM   #2
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Re: Bedsharing and "me time"

I don't have any helpful advise but I just wanted to say you are not a terrible mom! Many many many (pretty much all) moms need some me time. Heck, people in general need me time. You are HUMAN and if you need a couple minutes/hours/moments to yourself to regroup and recharge yourself do not feel guilty.
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Old 10-21-2013, 06:35 PM   #3
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Re: Bedsharing and "me time"

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Originally Posted by peep_erz View Post
I don't have any helpful advise but I just wanted to say you are not a terrible mom! Many many many (pretty much all) moms need some me time. Heck, people in general need me time. You are HUMAN and if you need a couple minutes/hours/moments to yourself to regroup and recharge yourself do not feel guilty.
Thanks. Intellectually I know this, but then I read all these anti-CIO essays where people say "oh, you're making your baby suffer alone so you can go back to watching tv, why did you even have kids?" and the shame-feelings start to sneak in.
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Old 10-21-2013, 06:35 PM   #4
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Can you move babies bedtime to 8?

I go up to bed with my nursing toddler at 8:00. Hubby closes up the house and we lay in bed watching TV and getting caught up.

Is reading or watching TV in bed an option?
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Old 10-21-2013, 06:59 PM   #5
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Re: Bedsharing and "me time"

DS went through this phase and I think partially he outgrew it and I partially "helped" him. I just would try to slowly sneak away. I would remove everything touching except one thing and then when he was really asleep remove it and try to sneak out of the room. Whenever he would wake up I would come back and start over. It took a while but he eventually was able to sleep without touching. I think the fact that every time I came back sort of reassured him that I was "there" even if I wasn't KWIM? He is still not a great sleeper though. He will go through phases of sleeping well but I usually end up in bed with him because he wakes fairly often at night. I am hoping he outgrows it soon.
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Old 10-21-2013, 07:05 PM   #6
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DS went through this phase and I think partially he outgrew it and I partially "helped" him. I just would try to slowly sneak away. I would remove everything touching except one thing and then when he was really asleep remove it and try to sneak out of the room. Whenever he would wake up I would come back and start over. It took a while but he eventually was able to sleep without touching. I think the fact that every time I came back sort of reassured him that I was "there" even if I wasn't KWIM? He is still not a great sleeper though. He will go through phases of sleeping well but I usually end up in bed with him because he wakes fairly often at night. I am hoping he outgrows it soon.
We did something similar. It wasn't long before I could get some time to myself at night. I dont know if it was my coaxing or if it would have just happened with time anyway. I was definitely feeling the most burnt out around that age, though. I understand how you 're feeling and wish I had more advice.
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Old 10-21-2013, 07:32 PM   #7
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Re: Bedsharing and "me time"

Try a warm rice sock? Fill a tube sock with rice, microwave it so its warm, and sneak it into where ever you were touching. Might help?
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Old 10-21-2013, 08:08 PM   #8
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I am going through this too with my 5 month old. He will not sleep alone. I have tried slowly moving away from him once he's asleep, and it works only half the time. I wish I could use the rice sock trick with my boob attached to the top.

You are not a terrible mother! I completely understand what you mean about the anti-CIO posts. It makes you feel like a complete failure.

I have no advice, but just know that you are not alone in your situation or feelings! My DH works 12 hour days to allow me to be a SAHM. It gets tough being solely responsible! Don't let it stress you too much... I'm sure one day we will look back at this time and miss these extended cuddle sessions.
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Old 10-21-2013, 08:11 PM   #9
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Re: Bedsharing and "me time"

Well I'll be the other side and say that I think it would be okay to let him CIO. You need to be able to recharge in order to be at your best for your kids. He will learn to sleep without you, and he'll never remember going through it.

However, that being said, I know what it's like to struggle with the CIO/don't CIO decision. *hugs* and I hope you can find a solution soon.
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Old 10-21-2013, 08:52 PM   #10
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Re: Bedsharing and "me time"

I know it isn't popular here, but the Ferber book saved my sanity. If you choose to go that route, read the whole book. Don't skim, don't do it based on what someone told you.

I don't regret doing sleep training for one minute. My kids go to bed at a reasonable hour. They STTN on their own. They're not damaged. And I have a precious few hours to myself so I don't go crazy and kill people.
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