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Old 10-25-2013, 08:39 AM   #21
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Originally Posted by NotLad View Post
I know it isn't popular here, but the Ferber book saved my sanity. If you choose to go that route, read the whole book. Don't skim, don't do it based on what someone told you.
Reading the book is bringing up more questions for me. Like supposedly the first few hours of the night is a deep sleep phase without wakings. This used to be true for us but even if I wait to put him down until he's OUT I'm lucky if it lasts one hour. Usually less.

Also he mentions that separation anxiety may cause problems with the program but then only talks about examples with older children. My ds definitely has this problem. Even during the day I am the only person who can hold him so he doesn't cry.


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Old 10-25-2013, 09:02 AM   #22
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Re: Bedsharing and "me time"

I still go to bed every night with my 19 month old but it is totally by choice. She doesn't need me (well she nurses to sleep, rolls over, then forgets about me). So if you continue to help him fall asleep you won't necessarily get a needy baby who can't sleep alone. My dd is confident and independent.

I know that totally doesn't help you now though, but it might just be a phase and it may end soon.
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Old 10-25-2013, 09:56 AM   #23
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The rule in our house is that you go to bed in your own bed at bedtime. If you wake up, you can come in my bed. It allows DH and I alone time, and kids still know we are there if we need them. Eventually, kids start sleeping through the night, though DD(6) still comes in every couple of weeks.
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Old 10-25-2013, 10:51 AM   #24
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Re: Bedsharing and "me time"

I am home 5 and/or 6 afternoon/nights a week with my 3 kids. DH gets home after the kids are all in bed. I put the older two to bed first 8pm and then put the baby to sleep (13 months old). We snuggle, nurse, rock till she is alseep (I watch TV while doing this or play on my tablet) most nights she will stay asleep when I put her in her bed but not always. I take her to bed with me when she wakes during the night.
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Old 10-25-2013, 11:06 AM   #25
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Re: Bedsharing and "me time"

While I think lots of parents, myself included, try to avoid CIO most of the time, the reality is that MILLIONS and MILLIONS of people throughout history have been raised with CIO methods. And I am positive that the vast majority of them did NOT grow up to be psychopathic serial killers.

If you decide to CIO in some form, or do some other forms of sleep training, realize that it's really not going to scar your children for life.
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Old 10-25-2013, 11:25 AM   #26
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Re: Bedsharing and "me time"

My 16 mo old still can't fall asleep without me, but over the last few months we've been slowly transitioning to less contact and no bed sharing. I have a mattress on the floor next to his crib and can lay on it and play with my iPad while he falls asleep in his crib. He never fusses if I'm there, even though he might take up to an hour to fall asleep. He still wakes several times a night, but easily falls back to sleep with a little help. We still have a long road ahead, and with #2 on the way I feel like we have a deadline. I know I won't be able to care for #2 the way I have with my first, and that's scary! So no judgement from me, whatever you chose to do. I'm still pretty against CIO, but as DS get older that might change...I don't know. But I hate the thinking of "CIO won't hurt your kid because he won't remember it" (he won't probably remember anything from his first 2 years...does that mean its ok to do whatever I want that doesn't kill him?) or "lots of people do it and their kids are ok" (not sound reasoning...sorry...just because some people get by without car seats doesn't mean it's ok!). Good luck! Sleep is such a tricky subject!
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Old 10-26-2013, 02:16 PM   #27
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Following. DD is 5 months old and bed shares half the night. She will sleep in her crib for about 2-3 hour stretches, so by 2am I'm a zombie and bring her into our bed. Once she's there she will sleep about a 5 hour stretch. This is the only way I've maintained sanity.

She still won't go down in the crib without a tight swaddle. If I use a loose swaddle she wakes up within 10 minutes. In a sleep sack she wakes up before I transfer her to the crib. If I wrap her like a mummy, she will sleep, but she's been trying to roll in the swaddle lately (hasn't succeeded yet).

We are going to try the no cry sleep solution starting this week. I just can't bed share all night, for exactly the reason you're describing! I need me time, and I need alone time with hubs.

I'd like to avoid CIO if at all possible. But I'm starting to understand why people do it. It's not my style but a sane mama is a good mama. And really, my sanity is not going to hold much longer if I can't get some rest.
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Old 10-31-2013, 06:43 PM   #28
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Re: Bedsharing and "me time"

we bedshare with my 4.5 month old. shes the same. 7pm is bedtime. I lay with her, nurse her to sleep, then sneak out like a ninja and I;m golden until about 12 am, and I'm usually in bed by then anyways
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