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Old 12-12-2013, 12:47 PM   #1
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Gender disappointment

Remind me again that it's ok to be a little disappointed when the baby isn't the gender you wanted. I know I'll get over it, but I'm feeling like a huge jerk right now. He's healthy and looks perfect, but he's not a girl. After two boys, I really wanted my baby girl. I really expected this to be a girl, but I guess it was just wishful thinking.

We were planning on having the tech put the US pic in an envelope and finding out when we surprised our friends and family with the news during DS1's birthday party Saturday. But DH couldn't wait. Now, I don't even do the big reveal. I was hoping the big reveal would get me excited, but now that I know, I don't want to make a big to-do about it.

Feel free to tell me to quit being selfish and to just be happy he's healthy.

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Old 12-12-2013, 12:51 PM   #2
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Re: Gender disappointment

Your feelings are real, even if you think you "shouldn't" be feeling that way. I'm sorry you didn't get the news you were hoping for. It doesn't make you a jerk.
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Old 12-12-2013, 12:53 PM   #3
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Re: Gender disappointment

I was the same way with this one, my 3rd boy. It took some time but after he was here it was perfect HUGS
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Old 12-12-2013, 12:58 PM   #4
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Re: Gender disappointment

I felt this way, too. In fact, I made a thread about it around last Dec/January. I was really, really upset. Especially because we were told at around 17w that he WAS a girl. Only to be told at 19w6d that he was in fact, all boy. I was so upset that I wouldn't really let those feelings go... ever.

He's here. He's almost 8 months old, and there's no way in this world that I could imagine life without him. Once we named him... it just all fell into place. Once I went through the newborn phase, nursed him, etc... it is just the way it was supposed to be. All of it. You'll get there, mama.
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Old 12-12-2013, 01:03 PM   #5
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Re: Gender disappointment

It's totally ok. I have been disappointed with each of my four boys that came after my first. I have bbgbbb. You get over it. And you're not a jerk, because that would make me a jerk, and I know you didn't just call me a jerk.
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Old 12-12-2013, 01:18 PM   #6
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Re: Gender disappointment

I'm not facing disappointment, but potential fear - fear of having a girly girl. So we go team green, and then I don't have months to stew over it; instead I have a (hopefully) healthy baby in my arms, and a post-labor high, and life isn't too bad. Everyone has their own issues, good luck feeling better.
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Old 12-12-2013, 01:26 PM   #7
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Re: Gender disappointment

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama*Kim View Post
Remind me again that it's ok to be a little disappointed when the baby isn't the gender you wanted. I know I'll get over it, but I'm feeling like a huge jerk right now. He's healthy and looks perfect, but he's not a girl. After two boys, I really wanted my baby girl. I really expected this to be a girl, but I guess it was just wishful thinking.

We were planning on having the tech put the US pic in an envelope and finding out when we surprised our friends and family with the news during DS1's birthday party Saturday. But DH couldn't wait. Now, I don't even do the big reveal. I was hoping the big reveal would get me excited, but now that I know, I don't want to make a big to-do about it.

Feel free to tell me to quit being selfish and to just be happy he's healthy.
If you being honest about your feelings makes you a jerk...then I am a jerk to the nth degree!!! I SOOOO understand that disappointment...I had been hoping for a girl every since my 2nd pregnancy. I cried at the ultrasounds for DS's 5 and 6. It doesn't mean you aren't appreciative of having a perfect, healthy baby. It doesn't mean you won't love him just as much as all the others...once he's here you won't be able to imagine life without him.

But it's ok to be sad that it isn't a girl. I seriously thought it would never happen for us, and it drove me crazy when people would say things like well you just weren't meant to have a daughter, or you should just be grateful the baby is healthy. I have ALWAYS been thankful and grateful that all my boys have been healthy and relatively free of problems. But it doesn't change that deep longing for a girl. I LOVE being a mom of 6 amazing sons...but the fact that I have had a deep desire to raise daughters as well isn't wrong. It doesn't make us selfish, it makes us human. :-)

It's ok to grieve and feel disappointed. and don't let anyone make you feel bad about that. No one should judge you for that. I'm so sorry mama...but I'm so glad to hear that he looks wonderful and healthy. And maybe that little girl is just a little further in the future for you...our baby is due in Jan. and she is our SEVENTH...so don't lose hope. I've had several u/s's and I always ask if they are certain it's a girl...they have pointed out her female parts countless times now and absolutely certain...but it still seems almost unreal to me. Once I see her when she's born I'll be 100% convinced!
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Old 12-12-2013, 03:40 PM   #8
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Re: Gender disappointment

I'm right there with you today. We had cell free DNA testing done and got the results back today. I found out baby is free of any chromosomal defects and so is likely perfectly healthy. And a boy. Although relieved that he's fine, I really wanted a girl. I cried after I got off the phone with the nurse and felt horrible for feeling that way. And I even have both boys and girls. I just had my heart set on another girl. I know I'll be fine as long as he is. I just have to get over it and get excited about another sweet little boy.
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Old 12-12-2013, 04:16 PM   #9
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Old 12-12-2013, 04:27 PM   #10
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Re: Gender disappointment

I only have two right now but I fully expect the third to be a boy as well. I just think I am going to be a mom of boys. Maybe that's where you are called as well. You are 100% justified in your disappointment. Congrats on your healthy baby boy!
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