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Old 01-16-2014, 10:26 AM   #1
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Talk to me about Gender Disappointment. Please.

Deep Breath. I'm having gender disappointment ::hides:: I feel guilty ashamed and sad that I even feel this way.
Please talk to me about this. I know others have experienced this before and I'm sure there is threads about it somewhere... I could just use some support.

How did you feel when you found out? How long did those emotions last? Did they come back at birth? what helped to get excited about said baby??? Others reactions?

Here is what my experience right now.

Completely unexpected pregnancy. I had a really hard time wrapping my head around being pregnant again. If I could have wished it away it would have been done. yep.
Then I tried to talk myself up about it probably being another girl. All symptoms said girl (already having two it was identical to those pregnancies). All old wives tales said girl. Every Chinese chart and all other fun stuff to guess said girl.
So I started getting on board with this girl coming. Named her, bought a few girl wool sets. All friends and family thought girl too.

Ultrasound day came and baby is a boy. I was so shocked I really felt light headed and could have fallen off the table. We all joked I was just going in to confirm girl. Boy? No, they are wrong. It's a girl. Please look again. Boy. sigh.

I pretended I was happy the rest of the day and it was kind of fun to see everyone's shocked faces that it was a boy. Hubs was super excited to have another boy and my older son is way excited. My older daughter was sad and my little one has no clue mommy is even having a baby yet.

Now that things have calmed down the depression has set in. I know someone said it's not sad that your having that gender but mourning the loss of the other gender you wanted. I just feel depressed. Sad. Unattached to baby and all the feelings of not even wanting this pregnancy are back again. I don't know how to deal with these emotions and feel like a nasty horrible person for even writing it out. I know others try and long for a baby so badly and here I am. I've been praying all the time for peace about this situation. Peace to be pregnant again. Peace to accept it's a boy.

I've tried to buy things for baby to get excited but it all looks wrong. Blue? nope that can't be correct. I feel like it's all for someone else. I've never experienced anything like these emotions before and am way to afraid of judgement to tell anyone how I feel. Please help? any words of comfort? advice? stories of your own situation?
The weirdest part is I have one older boy and then two girls. So naturally this 'evens out the team' and I should in all rights be ok with it. But I'm just not. Everyone keeps say how great it is to have two of each and such... I just don't feel that way. I feel lost about all of this.

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Old 01-16-2014, 10:41 AM   #2
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I don't know what to say besides I don't think you are crazy. I think when you hype yourself up about anything, you can be disappointed. It doesn't matter that its about gender. It's ok to feel disappointed, its ok to be worried, scared, or mad.
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Old 01-16-2014, 10:46 AM   #3
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Re: Talk to me about Gender Disappointment. Please.

I was hoping my last two would be girls. At the ultrasound my ten year old dd burst out crying when we saw it was a boy. I held it together but inside I was crying too.

It does get better. Once they are born your heart opens up just like it did for the others. I sometimes get a twinge of sadness when I am in the girl's section. But it isn't a constant sadness. It's a little reminder here and there.

I have a bunch of crazy boys and one princess. I guess it was meant to be this way.

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Old 01-16-2014, 11:43 AM   #4
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Re: Talk to me about Gender Disappointment. Please.

I'm sorry. I'm sure the loss of that dream of a girl is very hard. Maybe can you take a break from baby preparations(clothes, nursery, things that might be different because of gender) and just relax, pamper yourself?
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Old 01-16-2014, 12:11 PM   #5
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Re: Talk to me about Gender Disappointment. Please.

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I'm sorry. I'm sure the loss of that dream of a girl is very hard. Maybe can you take a break from baby preparations(clothes, nursery, things that might be different because of gender) and just relax, pamper yourself?
Probably a good idea. Thank you. I think maybe throwing myself into buying boy stuff this fast isn't helping. maybe give it more time and the excited feelings will come.
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Old 01-16-2014, 12:18 PM   #6
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Re: Talk to me about Gender Disappointment. Please.

Well, you know I've dealt with it...a LOT lol This time was especially hard because he's our last. No chance of a daughter, ever. But now that he's here it's like I'm complete. This is just how it was supposed to be.

It does get easier. Honest.
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Old 01-16-2014, 12:48 PM   #7
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Re: Talk to me about Gender Disappointment. Please.

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Originally Posted by Fishie Kisses View Post
Well, you know I've dealt with it...a LOT lol This time was especially hard because he's our last. No chance of a daughter, ever. But now that he's here it's like I'm complete. This is just how it was supposed to be.

It does get easier. Honest.
All of that as I am in the exact same boat though I did have a daughter for 5 months.

My son will be 6 months on Saturday and I honestly can't imagine the world without him in it. I am also looking forward to all the things I CAN do with 2 boys as opposed to all the things I CAN'T do because they are not different genders.

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Old 01-16-2014, 01:17 PM   #8
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Give it time mama. Someday you won't be able to imagine any different.
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Old 01-16-2014, 04:43 PM   #9
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Re: Talk to me about Gender Disappointment. Please.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fishie Kisses View Post
Well, you know I've dealt with it...a LOT lol This time was especially hard because he's our last. No chance of a daughter, ever. But now that he's here it's like I'm complete. This is just how it was supposed to be.

It does get easier. Honest.
Thank you for the encouragement friend. I know you have walked this path too.
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Old 01-16-2014, 05:55 PM   #10
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Re: Talk to me about Gender Disappointment. Please.

Believe me when I say I can relate to gender disappointment! I cried at the ultrasounds for DS's 5 and 6 because I was so sure that the odds were going to be in favor of a girl. Then I felt like an absolutely horrible person for being upset because I felt like I was so selfish, being upset about not getting the gender I wanted when there are people that struggle to conceive and would be happy no matter the gender. The thing is, we're HUMAN. Having those feelings of disappointment doesn't make us bad or wrong...it's just how we feel. I don't remember how long the disappointment lasted...but I know that it faded and I accepted it...and when I saw those babies, each and every one, I was madly in love and couldn't imagine them not being who they were. :-) That didn't mean I stopped longing for a daughter, but I could never imagine life without each and every one of my sons...they are all such unique and wonderful blessings. :-)

Don't beat yourself up for how you feel...the disappointment will pass. You aren't a bad person for feeling the way you do. Hang in there, and as others suggested, maybe take a break from baby related stuff and focus on taking good care of yourself. :-)
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