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Old 01-29-2014, 05:01 PM   #31
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Southernbelle
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Re: Talk to me about Gender Disappointment. Please.

Yes, I've had disappointment, too. I have 2 boys and 2 girls already and I kept saying it didn't matter if this 5th one was a boy or a girl, but I really wanted a girl. My youngest daughter is 8 and I really wanted a baby girl again.

As soon as the tech said she was looking at the baby's bottom, I said, "That's a boy, isn't it?" He was giving us a great view. Everyone else in the room sounded happy, but I just wanted to cry.

I'm still coming to terms with it, but I can recognize a lot of advantages.

*My 4th child is a boy, so he'll probably enjoy having a brother to roughhouse with.
*I don't have to go digging too deep in the attic for boy clothes.
*In a few years, I'll probably be able to take outgrown clothes right from older DS's dresser and put it right in new DS's dresser.
*They'll be close enough in age to share a bedroom without too much drama.

I was also mildy disappointed when they told me my 1st was a girl. Every dream I'd ever had about babies was about a boy, so I was just surprised my first was a girl, but I adored her, of course. Since then I'd gotten exactly what I wanted. #2 was a boy, #3 was a girl and #4 was a boy - just like I'd wanted. I guess I was overdue for a disappointment! I know I'll love this little guy as soon as I meet him.

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Old 03-06-2014, 06:02 PM   #32
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Re: Talk to me about Gender Disappointment. Please.

I've dealt with this twice now! Although the second time around is much easier! The first time was with my son. I was 100% positive it was a girl, and went out and bought girl things. I really set myself up! My husband desperately wanted a boy, though, and kept telling me it would be...and I think that just made it harder. While half of me was happy HE was happy, the other half was jealous that he got what he wanted while I didn't. I felt horribly guilty after that when the bad feelings didn't go away, and lied to my friends and family about how I felt about having a boy. I think I even started lying to myself, too, because I felt like I had to convince myself that I was happy it was a boy. I think if I had instead processed my feelings and allowed myself to be upset about it, it might have been easier for me later. I'm ashamed to admit it, but it took me almost a year after my son was born for me to stop being upset that he wasn't a girl. I think I just had all of these grande ideas in my head about what a girl would be like, and he was a really rough baby. He had horrible colic and hated being held, and the entire family jokingly nicknamed him "angry baby." My feelings didn't change until he got a bit older and I started to get to know his personality--and it is an AMAZING personality. He is so awesome! I was focused on the clothes (girls are so much cuter!) and the "mother-daughter bond" we would have, and pictured a sweet, easy baby girl. However, my son and I are so close. I am SO thankful I didn't have a daughter first--God gave me exactly what He knew I needed--I just didn't know it at the time. He knows better than I do what I will do best with. Now I'm preggo--and it's a girl! And this time, I was terrified that it would be a girl because I love having a boy so much! However, I'm sure this will turn out the same way once I get to know her and realize that she was exactly what I needed. All I can suggest is not to force yourself to be happy about this because you HAVE to. Go ahead and be upset, because you can be--it won't last forever. It won't affect your bond with your child in the long run. I do wish you the best
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Old 08-05-2014, 08:54 PM   #33
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Re: Talk to me about Gender Disappointment. Please.

I think no matter what you have, everyone has an ideal about family composition. I'd love to finish my family off with a girl at the end, fingers crossed it will happen.
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