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Old 01-20-2014, 03:31 PM   #21
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Mine is in the waiting room lol. But believe it or not that is the best place for him in my opinion. When my step daughter (age 14) was born he about passed out & wasn't helpful to her mom at all because he didn't feel well at all.

So when dd (18months) was born he told me if I really wanted him in the room he would try again and do his best but was pretty sure he would be all queezy again & not be able to hold dd when she was born. I told him not to worry and to just wait in the waiting room so he would feel fine when he held her for the 1st time. Also I grew up in a house full of females so having a male in the room during labor didn't seem relaxing at all.

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Old 01-20-2014, 03:36 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by Palooka
This is true, I also had a doula who was very helpful. I wouldn't have given her up for anything. My hubby wouldn't have known to request zofran when they tried to give me phenergin for my vomiting. I knew I didn't want to be sleepy, and our doula knew of the options. I think a doula and a spouse serve different roles during labor. My spouse knew what things I might request (food, water, ice), what I meant by "hip squeeze NOW!" and he was prepared for me to be out of it between contractions, to be screaming during transition, and to be a total animal during pushing. He was able to offer a little physical and a lot of emotional support because he wasn't frozen with fear. That's what I meant by basic-training, he had the anxiety educated out of him. I guess it wouldn't work for everyone, but it certainly worked for him. He in no way replaced my doula, but he was able to be completely present for me and that's what I needed. ETA: It probably sounds like we spent a fortune. Lol. We paid for the birthing class out of our HSA, and my doula was a friend who had 3 kids and whom I trusted, and she did amazing and now is studying to get certified. I also had a "volunteer" doula for the last 4 hours of my birth. I didn't know her, but she was trying to get her 50 births to become certified. I just had hubby call the local doula association when I went into labor and they sent out an alert to doulas-in-training in the area that they could show up if they wanted. So both my doulas were free.
That is so awesome that they were both free!
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Old 01-20-2014, 03:43 PM   #23
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My DH sat by the bed and held my hand through contractions, which was all I really wanted from him. The only time he really ticked me off was when I finally decided I was ready for the epidural and was waiting for the fluids to finish before they could put it in. I wanted him to come hold my hand because the contractions were getting really painful, but it was 1 am and he 'wanted to get some sleep while he still could' so I had to deal on my own til they came to put in the epidural. In his defense though (kind of) he was battling a bad virus (vomiting and such) and not feeling well :/

When it came to pushing, he didn't have a choice. The nurse had one foot, midwife was front and center, and she told him 'okay, come hold the other leg' lol. He was awesome in that part, telling me I was doing good etc
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Old 01-20-2014, 03:53 PM   #24
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We did a 14 hour class (2 full Saturdays) and had a doula with the first. He was awful. With the second, I tried explaining that I needed him more "present". He seemed to think I was only talking about physical presence. He said, "I was there the whole time last time." He really just doesn't get it. Financially, a doula is out of the question. I'm not comfortable with an inexperienced doula. I know every doula needs to start somewhere, but it's just not comfortable for me.

It sucks because I feel like I have to go this alone. I'm going for a VBA2C. This is my last chance. This is my last baby. My mom had csections; she never experienced labor at all. I have no sisters or even close friends who have had babies. A doula isn't an option. The closest I might get to decent support is a good nurse, but that's a crapshoot. And with my luck, I'm going to get nurse Ratchet. I don't think I'm strong enough to do it alone. When I was so sick two weeks ago, I needed DH. He was able to be there for me for that, but his track record with labor tells me he won't be the support I want or need. It really has me doubting whether I should even bother with the VBA2C. Maybe I should just give in and schedule a csection.
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Old 01-20-2014, 03:58 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by Palooka View Post

This is true, I also had a doula who was very helpful. I wouldn't have given her up for anything. My hubby wouldn't have known to request zofran when they tried to give me phenergin for my vomiting. I knew I didn't want to be sleepy, and our doula knew of the options.

I think a doula and a spouse serve different roles during labor. My spouse knew what things I might request (food, water, ice), what I meant by "hip squeeze NOW!" and he was prepared for me to be out of it between contractions, to be screaming during transition, and to be a total animal during pushing. He was able to offer a little physical and a lot of emotional support because he wasn't frozen with fear. That's what I meant by basic-training, he had the anxiety educated out of him. I guess it wouldn't work for everyone, but it certainly worked for him. He in no way replaced my doula, but he was able to be completely present for me and that's what I needed.

ETA: It probably sounds like we spent a fortune. Lol. We paid for the birthing class out of our HSA, and my doula was a friend who had 3 kids and whom I trusted, and she did amazing and now is studying to get certified. I also had a "volunteer" doula for the last 4 hours of my birth. I didn't know her, but she was trying to get her 50 births to become certified. I just had hubby call the local doula association when I went into labor and they sent out an alert to doulas-in-training in the area that they could show up if they wanted. So both my doulas were free.
You mean 3 births? None of the certifying organizations require 50 births before being certified. Also certification isn't necessary.

I apprenticed with another doula but the mom gave permission to have me there as well before I met the mom. I meet her once at one of the prenatals with the main doula before the birth. It ended up being a great situation because her husband was deployed and her mom just wanted to sit in the room, not help, which was fine.

I looked into being an oncall doula at one of the big hopitals in my old city, which was a volunteer program. Usually the doulas volunteered at the hospital for shifts, so they would be there for 6-12 hours then some would need to leave due to life circumstances. Some would be able to stay for a whole labor. The program was designed for doulas who worked a 9-5 job and could volunteer on the weekends, or had college and needed to be in class at a certain time. The hospital is associated with one of the state colleges. The only person that I knew who birthed there was my sister and she's high risk due to a liver transplant when she was 8.
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Old 01-20-2014, 04:06 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by Mama*Kim View Post
We did a 14 hour class (2 full Saturdays) and had a doula with the first. He was awful. With the second, I tried explaining that I needed him more "present". He seemed to think I was only talking about physical presence. He said, "I was there the whole time last time." He really just doesn't get it. Financially, a doula is out of the question. I'm not comfortable with an inexperienced doula. I know every doula needs to start somewhere, but it's just not comfortable for me.

It sucks because I feel like I have to go this alone. I'm going for a VBA2C. This is my last chance. This is my last baby. My mom had csections; she never experienced labor at all. I have no sisters or even close friends who have had babies. A doula isn't an option. The closest I might get to decent support is a good nurse, but that's a crapshoot. And with my luck, I'm going to get nurse Ratchet. I don't think I'm strong enough to do it alone. When I was so sick two weeks ago, I needed DH. He was able to be there for me for that, but his track record with labor tells me he won't be the support I want or need. It really has me doubting whether I should even bother with the VBA2C. Maybe I should just give in and schedule a csection.
I know several extremely experienced doulas who do a volunteer birth every quarter. I would get in touch your local doula association or DONA, explain your situation and ask if any doulas who have experience with vbacs are open to doing a volunteer birth to someone who can't afford one. Doulas live on very small wages so they completely understand.
Also, some insurances will reimburse you for a certified doula...
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Old 01-20-2014, 04:07 PM   #27
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Re: Is your DH a good labor support?

My husband wasn't much help, but I didn't really want him to do anything. Actually, I would have been fine if he wasn't there, I just want him to be able to see his baby born. With my son it was good that he was there because I was in such pain and shock after his birth I couldn't hold him so it was nice that my husband got to bond while I moaned and asked for warm wash cloths.
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Old 01-20-2014, 04:08 PM   #28
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Not at all. My first two were hospital births and he slept in the corner till it was time to push. I had epidural a but even before I got them he was sleeping.

My third I had a doula and midwife and were were at home. He was the hands, getting the birth pool set up, taking care if the boys, getting other stuff. I did want him right by my side while pushing even though I ordered him to stay silent lol.
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Old 01-20-2014, 04:11 PM   #29
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Originally Posted by kaydove
I know several extremely experienced doulas who do a volunteer birth every quarter. I would get in touch your local doula association or DONA, explain your situation and ask if any doulas who have experience with vbacs are open to doing a volunteer birth to someone who can't afford one. Doulas live on very small wages so they completely understand. Also, some insurances will reimburse you for a certified doula...
I have already checked with my insurance. They do not cover doulas as they do not consider them "medical professionals". Ironic, because a few hundred for a doula could potentially save them many thousands of dollars. Unfortunately, my pride stands in the way of me requesting to be someone's charity case.
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Old 01-20-2014, 04:21 PM   #30
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I have already checked with my insurance. They do not cover doulas as they do not consider them "medical professionals". Ironic, because a few hundred for a doula could potentially save them many thousands of dollars. Unfortunately, my pride stands in the way of me requesting to be someone's charity case.
A doula may also offer a sliding scale (I do not think it's uncommon for doulas to have discounted rates-- mine does that frequently). you're not a charity case! You're just as deserving of good quality care as anyone else. I bet you could find someone honored to help you with such an incredible journey. I hope it works out for you!!
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