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Old 02-01-2014, 07:15 PM   #51
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Re: Is your DH a good labor support?

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This is one of the only pieces of advice I practically hurl at pregnant couples: spend the money for a quality birthing class that you both attend and take seriously. And I don't mean a Saturday afternoon. I mean weeks of classes.

Would your partner show up to the final for a physics class having never attended a single lecture? Would he or she try to get a driver's license without ever having sat in a car or opened the manual? A great birthing class is to labor as basic-training is to war--you drill your body and mind to handle a strange, demanding situation, so that when you're in it you don't even question what you should do.

We took a 9+ week class, for a total of nearly 20 hours of class, role-playing, reading, discussion, and Q&A about childbirth. It was bar none the best decision we could have made. My hubby was a freaking rockstar while I was in labor.
Yes! Being prepared makes a HUGE difference. I did a ton of reading books like The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth and the birth stories on here, and I shared the best parts with DH, and we took a couple awesome classes at the hospital I work for, including a Comfort Measures in Labor class which went over basics like positions, birthing ball, and massage. I wasn't expecting much from DH as he normally is not that good at comforting, but he really stepped up. He stayed out of my way and mostly quiet but cracked some jokes at just the right times and started louring water over my belly during contractions which he thought of on his own and was the best thing ever. He helped me remember to stay loose and relaxed when I was forgetting, and he offered me water and RRL tea often and offered snacks that I had bought. I labored mostly in the tub and delivered her there too (homebirth), so he didn't do a lot of massage.

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Old 02-02-2014, 08:59 AM   #52
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Can I hijack long enough to ask the doulas reading if this is common? I'm having a certified doula, and don't know how I'd feel about someone else dropping in, but the doula hasn't even mentioned this as an option for helping others get their training. If it is, I want to think about it.

I would check Doulamatch.net for low cost options in your area.
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Old 02-02-2014, 09:08 AM   #53
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My DH is great support but we learned so much from being ran over and bullied in a hospital, I'm pretty sure he'd die if I ever requested birthing in a hospital again. We've had 3 OOH births since then and he's perfect.

As a professional doula myself, I evaluate what kind of support I would want in case of a transfer, I am certain he would come through for me exactly as I needed. We are very in tune, private people and we've had extensive conversations about transferring and what I would expect.
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Old 02-10-2014, 09:41 PM   #54
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Re: Is your DH a good labor support?

mine did an awesome job at my last birth, he is great at footrubs !
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Old 02-13-2014, 01:01 PM   #55
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Re: Is your DH a good labor support?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Palooka View Post
This is one of the only pieces of advice I practically hurl at pregnant couples: spend the money for a quality birthing class that you both attend and take seriously. And I don't mean a Saturday afternoon. I mean weeks of classes.

Would your partner show up to the final for a physics class having never attended a single lecture? Would he or she try to get a driver's license without ever having sat in a car or opened the manual? A great birthing class is to labor as basic-training is to war--you drill your body and mind to handle a strange, demanding situation, so that when you're in it you don't even question what you should do.

We took a 9+ week class, for a total of nearly 20 hours of class, role-playing, reading, discussion, and Q&A about childbirth. It was bar none the best decision we could have made. My hubby was a freaking rockstar while I was in labor.
I totally agree with this. With my first pregnancy my DH and I took a Bradley-based class that was once per week for 8 weeks and I think it helped both of us to be more confident about labor..I think it definitely helped my DH to get some ideas of what to do to help me in labor, and also since it was all couples, hearing the other fathers-to-be voice their concerns and questions helps all the guys to open up a bit.
I would also second the idea of getting a doula and run that idea by your DH, as a doula can help your DH know what to do if he freezes up and forgets while you are in labor..it depends on your DH's personality though if he would be comfortable with it.
I am lucky to have very involved DH during labor, it is his personality to be helpful and hands-on, but I think the birth class really really helped as far as his familiarity and confidence in the situation. We had a homebirth, and my DH actually nearly passed out after the birth because he was so tired from helping me (and mainly because he forgot to drink anything during the labor since he was so focused on helping me).. I had pretty difficult labor as my DD was a little crooked (so I was pushing for like 5 hours with little progress, had to do some position changes to get her straight and then things moved along normally) and I had a lot of back labor so my DH was pushing on my back for a long time.
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Old 02-13-2014, 01:19 PM   #56
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I had a caesarean & DH was not helpful at all when it came to limiting his families visits/calls. If I would ever try for a vbac, which I likely won't, I can't imagine him being overly helpful/comforting/supportive through labor. He would be great at meeting my requests as long as my requests don't make him uncomfortable. Telling him to tell his family to leave after a short visit would make him uncomfortable.
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Old 02-16-2014, 08:07 AM   #57
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I'm very blessed to have a husband who is an awesome labour coach (awesome hubby and dad in general too )

With our first two he was very quiet bit did whatever I asked and was kind, encouraging, and supportive. With our third I wanted to try the Bradley method and he was a rock star! We read the book together and he knew his stuff come delivery. I'm so glad we had put time and effort into discussing a birth plan because we live in a rural area and ended up needing to drive hours away to city hospital. .. my dr and every dr in town decided to go away for the weekend o went into labour
So we had a stressful drive to an unfamiliar hospital and a complete stranger of an on call OB. I was 7-8 when we arrived and not able to talk much. Dh flew into action asking every question he knew was important to me and letting everyone know what I needed/wanted and I was so appreciative! We were there @ 8:05am and Dd2 was born @ 8:28am! He kept calm and coached me the entire drive too (180km)

I'm due with #4 in 2 weeks and I have no worries, he will be an awesome labour coach again. This time we have a videographer coming to document the labour and delivery, I'm so excited cuz last time we didn't get a single picture or any video cuz of the traveling
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Old 02-22-2014, 11:42 PM   #58
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I realized today that I haven't been giving DH a fair chance to become a good birth partner. I've been asking him to learn about birth and being a partner the way I'd do it. I dive into research and gain more from reading than I do from discussing things. I'm less feelings and more facts. Ironically, DH really is too, but in this situation, he needs me to tell him what I need. I don't really know what I need from him, and just saying "more support" isn't enough. We chatted about it a while tonight. He really does want to be supportive, but I don't really know what I need from him. I told him I'll think about it more and we'll talk about it again tomorrow.
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Old 02-23-2014, 06:45 AM   #59
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My DH is fantastic, but I don't really need much support...I basically just need everyone to shut the hell up and leave me alone. Which he does wonderfully
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Old 02-23-2014, 08:34 AM   #60
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My DH is useless in labour. First DS was a 42 hour labour (ended in emerg section) and DH moaned and groaned the first night cuz I woke him up with each contraction. And then the following evening he complained I was holding his had too tightly. With DS2 I tried a vbac and went into labour at home. It was horrible back labour but DH wouldn't get his *** out of bed. So I was labouring and timing my own contractions which made it difficult to concentrate. He finally got out of bed when MIL arrived and told him to and we headed to hospital. He was equally as useless there. Said he felt sick from seeing the IV and then kept snoozing in the chair and sighing when I asked him for counter pressure (even tho he said with each contraction my lower back was bulging right out). He actually said I was very NEEDY!!! The only thing I was asking was for him to apply counter pressure with a heated IV bag. If we get a chance to vba2c then I'm hiring a doula. I told him he's useless in labour and were spending the $ on a doula because I can't feel alone again while labouring because that partially contributed to my asking for c-section with DS2 in labour - felt completely alone and he wasn't helping with anything.
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