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Old 02-08-2014, 08:20 PM   #11
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[QUOTE="slimy72"] I had to do this at one very overwhelming point in my life and it helped. Make a list. List every commitment/activity/therapy/appt. ect. Then prioritize them top to bottom. There can be no TIES! Something must be most important and something must be least. So maybe Speech therapy is non-negotiable but math volunteer/scouts is toward the bottom. Then go from the bottom up and cross out and delegate. You are NOT dropping the ball if you are just putting the ball in someone else's court. Start dropping them now so other people have time to adjust to their new responsibility rather than having it dumped on them when you physically can't any more. If nobody steps up, then it wasn't that important. You do the non-negotiable stuff, you quit doing the bottom of the list stuff, and you try to find ways to manage a few of the in between things (like maybe help with rides to dance and such.). It is very freeing to do this. I am like you, and I HATE asking for help or not doing something. But your health and baby's health has to come first. Your kids will not be scared for life if they miss a dance recital, they could be if you end up in the hospital from overexertion. It's taken me a long time to learn to say no, and it's still a struggle for me but I've been on the other end, stuck at the ER because I didn't take care of myself. It's not worth it, take care of yourself.[/

Very well said I just spent 5 hrs at the ER today because my job hasn't allowed me to take any time off. Now they legally HAVE to. That's not how you want to go. Prioritize and let things go before you hurt yourself or your baby.

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Old 02-08-2014, 08:50 PM   #12
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Re: Taking on too much! Help me!

Do you have any older neighbor kids, or do any of the kids in your troop have older siblings? Just someone to be a mother's helper a few hours a week could really help you, wether they were a boy or a girl as long as they were willing...either helping with the kids or chores like carrying laundry up and down, and trash out, wiping down bathrooms, etc. If you find someone in the 11-14 age range, they are likely to be able to handle an hour or two of work and won't charge much, especially if it's a neighbor who doesn't need a ride, you could ask them to come for 1 hr after school and pay $20/week or something. You can also delegate to your kids. You'd be surprised what they can do when you can't.
You can also ask at the dance studio if there is someone who can help you out. There may be a teacher or an older teen girl who can help with the costumes/hair/etc, and they may know of someone who wouldn't mind driving your daughter to a recital or two.
The thing is you have to ask.
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Old 02-17-2014, 12:31 AM   #13
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Re: Taking on too much! Help me!

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Originally Posted by MamaD2004 View Post
How do you hire a sitter? I have only done it once and she quit, she said she couldn't handle my kids special needs, which can admittedly be trying, but ouch! - that one hurt! Also, it's a $$ thing too. We have a very limited income, paying for 3 kids care is $15/hourly here plus mine have special needs so most people charge more.
Think about hiring a sitter one or two days a week. One with special needs experience. Here is a good place to look ReliableSitters.org

You should not feel guilty about not doing it all. Your kiddos need & deserve a rested Mom. Do it for them!
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Old 02-20-2014, 01:39 PM   #14
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Re: Taking on too much! Help me!

Do you have your kids doing chores at home? Don't overlook the help you have in the house!

With a step stool, your 9yo could probably unload the dishwasher for you. (That's what always holds me up. If it's empty I'll load it and run it in a snap, but if it's full of clean dishes, I'll let it sit forever. I finally had to delegate unloading to my older kids.) 9yo can also help with laundry.

A 5yo can use a swiffer broom or spray mop, unload silverware from the dishwasher, fold towels, etc.

They can all pick up after themselves: toys or putting their dirty clothes in the laundry baskets. In our house, I keep 2 laundry hampers in the bathroom. One is dark green, the other is white. My kids are trained from toddlerhood to put dark clothes in the dark basket and light clothes in the light basket, so they're presorted! Makes doing laundry easier.

There are no free rides in my house. All my kids are expected to do chores and help out around here. My teenager daughter can almost do everything as well as I can, with the exception of cooking. We've got a few more years to work on that before I turn her loose on the world.
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Old 02-20-2014, 02:15 PM   #15
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Re: Taking on too much! Help me!

Well, I had my 32 week check up with my midwife yesterday....

She pretty much scared reality into me. I've been over doing it, and I've been having contractions, hard, long and often, but not working (no cervical dilation or effacement) since 10 weeks. They have been becoming more frequent (every time I change position, go to the bath room, ect.) so I'm not on "bed rest" exactly, but I was told very sternly that if I don't get help and slow the h*ll down, I am going to have this baby early. So, I cut out my volunteering (both at the school and Girl Scouts), I talked to my ex and he will do more with dance for my oldest and my retired grandmother offered to shuffle the kids to and from activities. I am also applying for At Home services for my daughter's therapies, at least on a temporary basis. Basically, I'm not going anywhere I don't have to or doing anything I don't NEED to.

No doing dishes (the kids already clear the table and rinse their dishes, but our 9 & almost 6 year old are going to learn how to load and start the dishwasher)
No making the bed (the kids do theirs, but my 4 & 5 yr old will help with mine)
No laundry (hubby will take over - eek I am nervous about this one!)
No sweeping or vacuuming (the kids can sweep, but we have an old Kirby vacuum and it's too heavy for them, so hubby get's that job)

And bonus! We are having a bunch of family come over this Sunday to help do a massive freezer meal assembly! We are going to put together meals and snacks for me and the kids that can be easily prepared by simply dethawing and popping in the oven or microwave. Hubby will be doing all the shopping on Saturday and then everyone comes on Sunday to help put it all together :-) I'm really happy about this. I just hosted a gathering like this in December for my cousin and we made over 30 days worth of dinners, plus some lunch and breakfast options. This should help to keep me off my feet and out of the kitchen as much as possible, and the bonus is that their are less daily dishes to do.

The kids have all had "chores" since they could walk basically, which have evolved with their age and ability over time. We are considering adding one or two to each child's weekly to-do list (maybe dusting a room in the house, cleaning the mirrors, changing the bedding)

Thank you all for your support and input! I definitely waited too long to get help, but I know I need it, and am accepting all offers at this point!
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Old 02-20-2014, 06:49 PM   #16
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Glad your doc finally convinced you to take it easy!!!
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Old 02-25-2014, 11:02 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by AppleMama81
Glad your doc finally convinced you to take it easy!!!
Thanks! I know I needed it, it's been a crazy week adjusting to having people in my house and carting my kids around and everything. It's hard to stop the compulsion to "do something" and entertain people. But it's getting easier!
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