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Old 02-10-2014, 10:50 AM   #1
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Scared to have another natural birth!

Hoping any mamas who've been in a similar spot can offer some advice. I'm 7 mos pregnant with #3 and planning a natural birth center birth but I am really scared after my last experience. History --

Birth center labor with #1, calm and peaceful, in the tub, 9 hour labor, 2 hours of pushing, he was posterior and big and I got transferred to hospital to push a few more hours and then an emergency c-section that night. We used Bradley method and it was great for labor. I was in a trance and the pain was totally under control.

Baby #2, natural VBAC in the hospital (had to be in hospital to attempt VBAC). This labor was FAST, hard, intense, and lasted only 5 hours. It went so fast I didn't arrive in my room in the hospital until 7-8cm, so I spent the worst of my labor in triage, waiting rooms, standing and waiting to get moved from here to there. By the time I got in the room there was no time to get under control and "in the zone" like I was with my first. I felt confused, I begged the whole time for an epidural (but it was too late anyway) and it was just a terrifying, out of control experience. I still look back on it fondly because I DID get my VBAC and my precious DD and recovery was awesome.

Now with Baby #3 I can attempt a water birth at the birth center since I had a successful VBAC! But after how fast my labor was, and so hard, I am scared. My DH told me he felt like there was nothing he could do last time/his "coaching" was useless - I honestly can't remember a word he said and I remember no one could console me, I was hysterical and in so much pain. Even logically when I should have known feeling the burning of baby coming down, that it was almost over, no one could logically tell me anything and I was just freaking out, wanting OUT of it. I know that if we get to the birth center early and I get in the water, I'll probably be able to get in the zone and handle things better. But a HUGE part of me wants to just say let's plan a medicated hospital birth!

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Old 02-10-2014, 11:45 AM   #2
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Re: Scared to have another natural birth!

maybe hire a doula?
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Old 02-10-2014, 11:57 AM   #3
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Re: Scared to have another natural birth!

Maybe just go in with a open mind this time. Don't decide to go natural or get the epidural. Just see how things play out. If you get there early and get in the water with the 'zone' mode then yay. If it's fast and hard and not under control seek the epidural and relax. Either way it can be a beautiful experience. I think the stress now and worry takes away from relaxing and enjoying what is to come.
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Old 02-10-2014, 12:21 PM   #4
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Re: Scared to have another natural birth!

I think I get it. Maybe my experience will help a bit.

My 2nd birth was fast and crazy (20 min from first contraction and pulling into the hospital) till birth. I was by myself. DH was at home with our first 30 min away. I had no idea I was in labor--everyone said they were BH, including the nurse I talked to.

With #3 I stressed and stressed about the delivery. The closer I got to being done (anything after 36 weeks since #1 and #1 were 36 and 37 weeks) the more stressed I was about having the baby alone at home with just the boys (DH worked 30 min away and didn't get home till after 9pm each night) I was a big mess of stress. I even called the local EMS to find out their procedures if I called 911 and how many babies they delivered. By 38 3days weeks and walking around at 4cm for over a week I was done. My BP was high, my anxiety level was through the roof, ect. We decided on an induction that Friday and set it up for Tuesday. Those last few days were the last stressed I had been in the last month. Ended up with a quick and easy induction-no drugs needed. I did have the IV placed if needed.

My point is go into it with an open mind. Every labor/birth can be so different. I wish I had someone (or a group of someones) telling me that is was okay, instead of a bunch of people at work always asking when I was having the baby, saying thing like "you better leave on time", "I don't want to deliver a baby here" ect ect for 6 months (we didn't tell till 12 weeks)
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Old 02-10-2014, 07:17 PM   #5
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Re: Scared to have another natural birth!

I wonder if part of the reason that #2 seemed like more of a stressful birth was partly due to some worry about a VBAC? I know my labor was a little more stressful with my #1 just because I didn't know what to expect.

I had natural births with both babies and both labors were 5 hours.
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Old 02-10-2014, 07:26 PM   #6
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Re: Scared to have another natural birth!

I'd second the doula recommendation. I'm sure this experience will be much more peaceful than your last one, but if you are still feeling afraid when you go in, you might have trouble progressing and make labor tougher on yourself. A good doula will help you get through your fears, cope with contractions, advocate for your wishes, and help you stay calm and focused.
All the best for a lovely birth!
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Old 02-10-2014, 07:42 PM   #7
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Yes, I was nervous for my third- but it was awesome!
Ds1: a natural 18 hour labor. I pushed for 4, but he was posterior and at an angle. They tried to turn him manually without the epi and I couldn't handle it. So I got the epi & they tried again. He went right back. I was exhausted, so I had a c/s.
ds2: I knew all day (from the time I woke) that he would be born, but I thought it would be the next day. It was Easter Sunday & DH is a Pastor so I didn't say anything. In the evening I got into the tub around 7:30. DH said I was there for 3 hours almost. Around 10:30 I got out and we called my friend to let them know we where dropping ds1 off. On our way my water broke! Ds2 was born quickly; about 45 mins after arrival. I tore badly... And DTD still hurt randomly even until recently because of granulated tissue. :/
Needless to say I was very nervous about ds3's arrival because I didn't want to tear again. But he was born a week and a day ago. I knew all day I was in labor but they where really irratic. I had called DH home from work around 5:30. Contractions picked up at 6. I was getting ds1 into bed after ds2, and my water broke. I called out to DH who got DS1 out to the couch to watch TV w/the grandparents and we left. I was in transition at the checkin desk and my body started pushing as soon as I got to my room. My midwife arrived and Enoch was born 1/2 hour later- no tearing because my mid wife's instruction rocked!!

My births are fast. There are always what ifs. I knew no matter what he had to come out, and if I tore again I tore. But he was almost 8 lbs (biggest yet) and she said I could probably use 1 stitch- but she didnt think it was necessary and she didn't want to add to the granulation issue. I went in knowing my body is certianly capable of birthing a baby- if that is God's will. I put my life and experiences in His hands because I understand thy while we can plan- God determines my path. If you're religious at all, you may consider that.
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Old 02-10-2014, 11:54 PM   #8
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Re: Scared to have another natural birth!

I'm in a similar situation... 6 mo pregnant with #2, and my first birth went nearly completely "wrong." It left me doubting my body's ability to birth, my ability to handle the pain and stress, and with a fear I didn't have before. I'm still on the fence about wanting to try for a natural (hospital) birth versus planning on an epidural. At this point, it seems like my best option is to be open-minded and take things how they come. Best of luck with your new little one!
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Old 02-13-2014, 08:10 AM   #9
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Re: Scared to have another natural birth!

O your second birth sounds just like mine. I woke up to contractions at midnight and dd was born at 4:20 something. We made it to the hospital at 4. Everything was so frantic and I was sure I was dying. An un-medicated birth was not my intention. It was horrible. I just remember panic and pain. They pulled dh in the room just before dd came out.

I tried hard during this last pregnancy to just forget about the previous birth. But by my ninth month, with my dr offering to induce, I accepted. I was terrified that dd3 would come even faster and I would be birthing a baby at home, alone, with my other 2 watching. Dh works an hour away and takes the train. There's no way he would have made it to be with me or get me to a hospital in time, if it was as fast as dd2's birth. And I did not want another frantic, un-medicated birth! So dd3 was induced. Dh was home and we calmly went to the hospital. We had care planned for the older 2 girls. I never thought I'd be one to induce without medical reason. But I'm glad I did. I needed to not have another panicking birth.
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Old 02-13-2014, 06:58 PM   #10
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Re: Scared to have another natural birth!

I appreciate all the advice and experiences. It's all making me think a lot. I do hope that a change of atmosphere (birth center/tub/water) is as calming as it was for me the first time, EVEN if the labor goes fast... but part of me is starting to just prepare myself for being a bit more mentally prepared for a hard, fast labor. I was reading in a few books about what the coach can do in the event of a really challenging/fast labor, so that should help DH. If for some reason I have to be in the hospital (induction or something else) and I can't be in water, I think I really very well may ask for pain meds. I don't know yet. Another thing is that if I am at the birth center, the midwives are able to be much more present. Last time my midwife in the hospital had 3 other births going on at once and wasn't able to be with me the whole time helping to guide me, etc.
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