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Old 02-16-2014, 06:54 PM   #1
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Going back to work - I don't want to. Working moms please give me advice!

Hi there

My husband and I just had a baby girl in January. I have scrounged out 12 weeks of leave paid/unpaid before having to return to work.

She is our first baby. I am the majority breadwinner at the moment. We have plans to one day move further south where the cost of living is cheaper. So I can work part time and be with our babies. I'll be 33 this year... And we plan on having one more baby hopefully getting pregnant in 2015.

I planned on returning to work after this baby but I have so many conflicting feelings on it. It's not feasible for me to quit my job where we currently live... So I feel trapped with having to return to work.

Baby S is 6 weeks old and I just can't imagine being away from her that long... I work 4 days a week with 11 hour shifts. She seems so attached to me and I've never felt ... So needed. She needs me and I am anguishing over having to leave her for so long each day.

Anyways, please help me with some advice on how you dealt with this awful feeling. I already miss her. Will she adapt without me. Will our bond change?

Help!

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Old 02-16-2014, 07:11 PM   #2
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I cried every day the first two weeks, and watching DS on the webcam all day from my office. But as I got more comfortable with the routine of it all and got to n ow the teachers in his room better it became less stressful. I still missed him every day but I saw that he was doing so well. If recommended adapting to an early schedule if possible, so you can get home earlier and have more time in the afternoons. DS never napped well at his "school" and would go to bed so much earlier that I felt like we were missing out in QT if I got home late. Also one of my friends have me the best advice, get to KNOW your provider(s). They are spending their day with your most precious gift, so show them you care about them and are invested in their lives and they are more likely to take that extra, "above and beyond" step with your child. Every teacher he's had I've made a point to have conversations with and get to know and I really do feel more comfortable, like I know them and they aren't just an employee of the (now) preschooler I is otherwise a stranger. We found out we'll be moving soon and I am truly going to miss the discussions I have with these amazing women.
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Old 02-16-2014, 07:28 PM   #3
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Re: Going back to work - I don't want to. Working moms please give me advice!

I work Sunday to Wednesday from 11:30am to 10:00pm with a 15-20 min commute each way. I don't think they will let me change my schedule.
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Old 02-16-2014, 07:50 PM   #4
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Re: Going back to work - I don't want to. Working moms please give me advice!

But my mom is watching her from 12 weeks to 6 months old... Then she is going to Kindercare right down the street from our house. It was the only daycare we could afford in Northern VA. I have an ad on care.com for an in home nanny... We only need someone 22.5 hours a week.
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Old 02-16-2014, 07:52 PM   #5
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Re: Going back to work - I don't want to. Working moms please give me advice!

So hopefully we can find someone we like instead of Kindercare. I am just feeling awful about being separated from her.
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Old 02-16-2014, 07:53 PM   #6
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Old 02-16-2014, 08:11 PM   #7
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Re: Going back to work - I don't want to. Working moms please give me advice!

Leaving her may be hard if being a working mom out of the home is not for you. Just take it day to day and think it is not forever.
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Old 02-16-2014, 08:54 PM   #8
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Re: Going back to work - I don't want to. Working moms please give me advice!

Oh hugs! I bawled, sobbed , screamed, cursed when i had to put DS in daycare. I hated it with every fiber of my being. DH and I spend out entire marriage (8 years at the time) focusing on him getting a degree so I could be a stay at home mom, and it didn't happen. DH still hasn't found a job

.....but it gets better. Every day you will become stronger, it will get a little easier. I still want to be a stay at home mom...it will always be my dream, but dreams don't always work the way you plan. I do know that DS being in daycare has made sticking to a schedule soo much easier and he is such a social boy because of it. There are things to be thankful for in this situation, try your hardest to focus on them.

P.s. be careful how far south you move...its REALLY pricey here!
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Old 02-16-2014, 09:11 PM   #9
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Re: Going back to work - I don't want to. Working moms please give me advice!

Hugs mama. It is really hard the first week. It gets easier by about the 3rd week. Then, you get in to a routine.

Kids are more resilient than we give them credit for. All over the world, kids go to daycare every day, and turn out fabulous. Kiddo will learn to be cared for by other loving adults. You will cherish the late nights even more with her. You will find a new "normal."

Just know that your house will be messy, and dishes will be in the sink, and that is ok.

I would give anything to be a SAHM, but it just isn't in the cards for us.
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Old 02-17-2014, 03:21 AM   #10
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Re: Going back to work - I don't want to. Working moms please give me advice!

Thx ladies. I am so sad about all this. I don't even like my job that much so leaving her for it makes me... Really upset. I know most people don't like their jobs but I never envisioned working in a cubicle... I am more of a hands on person and I like to be outside. None of my other fortes (small farming, bike mechanic, art teacher) translate into a viable income for northern virginia living costs. It just makes me so upset... That I am working a job I don't care for having to be away from my daughter... So I can afford rent and daycare. Ugh. My husband is a water resources engineer and he took a job in Maryland (1.5-2 hour commute each way)... And he doesn't make a good salary because the job is in a less affluent (less than northern VA at least) area. He's been looking for a better job for a couple years now with no luck.

I am ready to start playing the lottery.
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