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Old 02-21-2014, 09:48 AM   #11
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Re: Hours at work and clueless husband?!

I think everything will be fine with daddy and baby. Fathers parent differently than mothers do. They are supposed to. They tend to be standoffish at first because honestly, newborns aren't that fun. But I think everything will work out if you give him a chance and let him parent like he needs to. Maybe he won't put her to bed at the time you would, or change her clothes as often, or comb her hair as much, or do things like you would, but I guarantee you, the baby will be happy and well-fed in daddy's company. They need this time and they will be perfectly fine.

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Old 02-21-2014, 10:52 AM   #12
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My husband was kind of standoffish and not empathetic with ds in the beginning but he'd never been around babies before. He didn't know what he was supposed to do besides hold him and rock him. Now hes home with him Sunday-Tuesday while I work and he does great with him (even if he does keep him in his pjs all day lol)

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Old 02-21-2014, 05:19 PM   #13
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Re: Hours at work and clueless husband?!

It's so nerve racking because our daughter doesn't go to sleep without nursing side lying in our bed... She just screamed bloody murder for 15 minutes in his arms while I was down stairs. As soon as I took her she quieted and I nursed her to sleep.

How is my husband supposed to get her to bed? She will not take a pacifier. Bottles of my milk don't calm her.

Any advice??
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Old 02-21-2014, 05:27 PM   #14
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She will adjust. Yes, it will be tough for your DH, but once they find their own routine, it will be ok. I promise. I've worked probably as many nights as I've been home for bedtime since DS1 was born. DH became a bedtime pro.
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Old 02-21-2014, 05:30 PM   #15
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Re: Hours at work and clueless husband?!

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It's so nerve racking because our daughter doesn't go to sleep without nursing side lying in our bed... She just screamed bloody murder for 15 minutes in his arms while I was down stairs. As soon as I took her she quieted and I nursed her to sleep.

How is my husband supposed to get her to bed? She will not take a pacifier. Bottles of my milk don't calm her.

Any advice??
I don't know- this is definitely not scientific or anything- but baby's are smart even when they are little- my little guy would scream bloody murder if he knew I was home, and was an option, but when it was just Dad and him- he was fine. Sounds like Daddy, and baby might both have a little bit of a learning curve and getting used to each other but it probably won't happen until they are both forced to. I know some mom's won't agree with me but I think that it is important to baby's development (even if it is uncomfortable at first); to be able to be cared for by Dad, and Dad's development as a parent.
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Old 02-21-2014, 05:33 PM   #16
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Re: Hours at work and clueless husband?!

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It's so nerve racking because our daughter doesn't go to sleep without nursing side lying in our bed... She just screamed bloody murder for 15 minutes in his arms while I was down stairs. As soon as I took her she quieted and I nursed her to sleep.

How is my husband supposed to get her to bed? She will not take a pacifier. Bottles of my milk don't calm her.

Any advice??
Both of my girls were like that. It will be rough in the beginning, but IMO it is an important transition. Also if she isn't taking a bottle well that is something you can trouble shoot. And I would try to find a bottle she WILL take before going back to work. I had to try about 6 different brands with different nipple types before I found one dd2 would take. MAM is the one she liked. It has a nipple shaped similar to what mine looked like after she would break her latch. So I'm guessing she liked the shape.
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Old 02-21-2014, 06:07 PM   #17
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I would do whats best for YOUR family in the long run, and assume that DD and DH will figure each other out :-). It is very hard when a tiny LO is still nursing, for the partner to really feel like a partner. We dealt with this as I went back to work... DH felt absolutely clueless, and his personality is such that he gets frustrated easily, and he had NO CLUE how to soothe DD. It always ended in "omg take her, i give up!" Also she wouldnt take a bottle.
So we tried EVERY BOTTLE on the market and finally found one she liked. And one day i went back to work and it was really hard at first, but they figured it out. Some of DHs techniques were not what I did, or what I would EVER do :-) but they worked nonetheless. So he learned, and i learned, and she learned. It took me leaving the house for us to all figure it out though, definitely did not have it down before i went back.
The trick is he's gotta stick with it, two weeks isnt gonna be a long enough trial run. DH did say that when she got big enough to sit up and obviously recognize him, it got MUCH easier.
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Old 02-21-2014, 08:06 PM   #18
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Re: Hours at work and clueless husband?!

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I don't know- this is definitely not scientific or anything- but baby's are smart even when they are little- my little guy would scream bloody murder if he knew I was home, and was an option, but when it was just Dad and him- he was fine. Sounds like Daddy, and baby might both have a little bit of a learning curve and getting used to each other but it probably won't happen until they are both forced to. I know some mom's won't agree with me but I think that it is important to baby's development (even if it is uncomfortable at first); to be able to be cared for by Dad, and Dad's development as a parent.
I agree 100%.

My dd is 17 months old. When I am home she wants no one but me to put her to bed or get up with her when she wakes.. DH has tried and she screams however. DH is home with her every morning and one day a week. She goes to sleep for him great. DH surprised me with a night away. For 17 months she has nursed to sleep. But when I wasn't home, she took a sippy of milk from my mom and was asleep in 5 minutes and when she did wake up during the night, she went right back to sleep with some snuggles from Grandma.

None of my kids would take a bottle if I was around.
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Old 02-21-2014, 08:20 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by saraley
I don't know- this is definitely not scientific or anything- but baby's are smart even when they are little- my little guy would scream bloody murder if he knew I was home, and was an option, but when it was just Dad and him- he was fine. Sounds like Daddy, and baby might both have a little bit of a learning curve and getting used to each other but it probably won't happen until they are both forced to. I know some mom's won't agree with me but I think that it is important to baby's development (even if it is uncomfortable at first); to be able to be cared for by Dad, and Dad's development as a parent.
This was exactly our experience! I have always nursed DS before bedtime and we bed shared until 6 months. I went back to work at 8 weeks and because of my job it's unpredictable when I'm home for bedtime. It took a little bit and wasn't always how I would do it, but they figured things out together and it absolutely helped DH bond. Only once did he bring DS to me at work to nurse to sleep. Good luck mama, I think your husband will surprise you given the opportunity.
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Old 02-21-2014, 08:31 PM   #20
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Re: Hours at work and clueless husband?!

I always panic when I go back to work after having a baby. I work in the evenings ( part time) so DH does a lot of bedtimes. He does just fine! I used to come home to him wearing DD in the ergo, swaying back and forth and playing video games LOL. Can you get your DH to babywear? It can be extremely soothing to babies who want their mommy. I always wear my friends' babies when I babysit. It usually does the trick.
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